The Concise Guide to the Types of Boundaries in Relationships

Types of Boundaries in a relationship - Man and Woman early on in relationship

YOU OBEY BOUNDARIES EVERY DAY…

  • Driving in your lane
  • Obeying the limits that are marked by your colleagues' desks or cubicles
  • Maintaining a respectable distance in a queue

Yet many of us think that boundaries are unnecessary and even offensive in a romantic relationship?

Many girls do not set boundaries in their relationships.

Instead they think their partner should be able to anticipate their wants and needs. Some even fear that boundaries will interfere with the romance and spontaneity of the relationship. Others feel that boundaries are downright callous.

Why you should set boundaries with your new boyfriend

A healthy relationship, like every other area of your life, requires boundaries. Boundaries define responsibility in the relationship and create natural limits. These limits work to your mutual benefit since the overall expectations are clearly worked out.

Boundaries are also essential for eliminating blame in the relationship. According to clinical psychologist, Ryan Howes, clear boundaries determine where you end, and your partner begins. When you are both clear on which responsibilities are yours and which ones are his, you have less conflict and fewer misunderstandings.

Boundaries communicate your tolerances to each other. You and your partner have different emotional thresholds. When you set boundaries, you are letting your boyfriend know there are certain things you will not tolerate: being lied to, shouted at, being silenced or mistreated. Limits make more healthy and peaceful relationships.

Not all men are going to have the same values as you so it’s important to get it right from the start.

When you don’t set boundaries

You cannot hope to be a woman of high self-esteem as you mourn the behavior of a man who is crossing boundaries and treating you indecently. Failure to set limits means that you will have to deal with:

  • Messy habits
  • Jealous spying
  • Broken promises
  • Dangerous lifestyle: alcohol or drug abuse
  • Angry behavior
  • Oppression and resentment
  • Power struggles

If you do not believe in boundaries and accept anything and everything, the problems that may arise in future are yours, not your boyfriend’s.

New boyfriends and relationships

The core determinant when establishing patterns of behavior in your relationship is acceptance and rejection. Boundaries help you to clearly communicate with your boyfriend what things you accept and which ones you reject. If you don’t do one, you do the other.

Sexual expression

You and your boyfriend will have some different ideas about sex. For (a very simplistic) example:

  • You may like sex in the morning while he enjoys it in the evening
  • He may love sex in odd places while you may enjoy sex more in the comfort of your home
  • You may be wild, he may like it slow and sensual

The point is, if you and your boyfriend don’t know where your sexual boundaries lie, one of you will spend their time in the relationship faking sexual satisfaction.

Determine your sexual needs and preferences as well as how much wiggle room for adventure exists within your relationship.

Violating sexual boundaries in a relationship is not just unhealthy, it can be abusive.

Money

There's typically no more of a sensitive topic in any relationship. Money is super powerful and can turn a good relationship sour. Your incomes, spending methods, saving patterns: all these could bring some significant trust issues in the relationship.

You and your boyfriend should regularly sit down and discuss financial boundaries. The easiest one i’d recommend is:

‘What dollar figure is the limit that we need to discuss together before we decide to buy  or not buy it?’

It is also important to decide how you will spend your money, create a budget, and be on the same page where financial goals are concerned.

But this one question above is easy to understand and get the message across that money is a shared topic.

You are a team, and you must operate as such to be successful in your relationship.

Discussing financial boundaries is not an expectancy of a failed relationship; it is a matter of convenience which will help you avoid sticky entanglements later in the relationship.

How you will settle disagreements

There is conflict in all relationships.

If you adequately address how you will fight in your relationship, you can quickly solve all your problems. According to Psychology Today, conflicts and arguments do not necessarily jeopardize your relationship.

Indeed, there are times when disagreements can bring you and your boyfriend together. The key is how you and your boyfriend decide to handle your conflict.

Do you:

  • Give the silent treatment?
  • Laugh when there is conflict?
  • Make underhanded comments?
  • Get the person out of your physical space?

Once you are aware of how you both handle conflict, then you can set up a rule in advance (when you are both more level headed). I.e. If i give the silent treatment for 2 days, tell me that i’m being silly and the point has been made.)

Conflicts, when mishandled can ultimately break the relationship up. Work together with your boyfriend to determine the appropriate way for you to deal with anger and how you will treat each other when you are upset.

Social media

Social media has completely permeated romantic relationships. Jordan Gray, a sex and dating coach, indicates that, of late, relationships’ therapy sessions are filled with stories about social media interference with relationships: snooping in partners’ Facebook accounts, a lot of suspicions; anger when partners follow their exes on Instagram.

A survey by Pew Research Center in 2014 revealed that 45% of the respondents said that their social media account had a major impact on their relationships.

You may be hesitant to discuss boundaries on social media usage since you may think that social media is too frivolous to argue over. However, you must realize that social media stirs up real feelings, and those feelings matter. As such, agree with your boyfriend on:

  • How to prioritize quality time together without social media
  • What you should and should not post.
  • To what extent you should engage your exes online.

How you spend your time

Your relationship will thrive when you spend quality time together – and also separately. You, therefore, need to set boundaries on how you will not only spend time together but also have some solo time scheduled with friends and family.

If you do not set up time boundaries in your relationship, you will have problems in your relationship and also in the relationships with your family and friends. Talk with your partner about your expectations for time together and time alone, and you will have a more fulfilling relationship.

Reaching the limits

As we conclude, bear in mind that the concept of boundaries may be unnatural to your boyfriend. Therefore, to make your boundaries efficient:

  • Be firm, yet kind

Do not be mean or hurtful when you set a boundary. The more you approach the boundary conversation with love and compassion, the better the conversation will go.

  • Be consistent

Once you set a boundary, do not dismiss it or ignore it. When you undermine the boundaries, you will have taught your boyfriend to disrespect them too. As such, stand behind your words at all times.

In Summary…

Lastly, remember that boundaries are not static. The types of boundaries in relationships can change as your relationship progresses or as you find out more information about each other.

Feel free to revisit the boundaries when the need arises.

How to Get out of the Friend Zone with a Guy

How to get out of the friend zone with a guy - girl staring at guy at resteraunt
How to get out of the friend zone with a guy - girl staring at guy at resteraunt

EVERYTHING IS PERFECT, EXCEPT you have developed intense feelings for him.

If only you could make him see things the same as you

So how do you make him realize that the two of you would be good together? How can you become more than friends and get out of the friend zone?

Why were you friend zoned?

Which one are you?

The mother figure

Many women become friend zoned because they mother the guy. You become a shoulder to cry on for a guy; and what happens? He friend zones you and moves on to marry the next girl. Being a guy’s confidante (without him being attracted to you first) is the most definite way to get into the friend zone.

He will never date you as long as he sees you as a mother and not a potential mate.  

The maid

Many women think that when they do everything for a man, he will like them more. The reality is that this only kills the attraction. When you work very hard to become a guy’s best friend, while your intention may be to be romantic with him, the opposite happens: You depolarize yourself from him.

The dominatrix

Some women (who have read bad books like ‘the rules') think that treating men mean is a good way get them interested. It isn't.

In fact, this only works with guys who have low self-esteem and generally aren't the guys you want. Good men don't want to be treated like a doormat. If you have been putting him down in front of his friends (even playfully) then this is you.

The woman in the background

This is more common than you might think. You may simply have not aroused his curiosity enough to notice you. And if he hasn't noticed you then he hasn't thought about you as a potential girlfriend.

How to get out of the friend zone

Many think that once they are in the friend zone, they are in it for life. This is completely untrue.

You are in the friend zone because there are things you are inadvertently doing that are keeping you there; you put yourself there. Fortunately, there are things you can start doing this very minute to dig yourself out of this dreaded place.

Figure out how the guy sees you

When the man that you love looks at you, what he sees in you is not girlfriend material. Honestly examining how he sees you is essential. If he sees you as a therapist or a sibling, you have no hope of building a romantic relationship with him.

So how does the guy see you?

Again you might think that you are this incredible, sexy woman, but the guy doesn’t see any sexiness when he looks at you. Take a step back and ask yourself:

  • Are you always listening to the guy’s problems?
  • Are you always ready to make brownies when he has had a tough day?
  • Does he always let you lead the conversation and/or activity?
  • Are you available to the extent that he is taking you for granted?
  • Do you always agree to meet every time he asks to hang out?
  • Does he consider you sexy or does he relate to you as he does with the guy next door?
  • Does he know much about you other than your name?

When you see yourself through the guy’s eyes, it is a great way to see things in a whole different light. Change the role you are playing, and you will be climbing out of the friend zone in no time.

Revamp your look

You do not have to change your look entirely to win over the guy. But, if you want the man to see you as more than a friend, you have to sex it up a bit. When you are with him, dress as you would when you are going out with your girls, or on a hot date with a hot sexy guy.

You have been dressing for comfort around the man; after all, you are good friends. Your aim going forward should be to feel sexy and confident when you are with him. If your appearance been too platonic, this automatically disqualifies you as a romantic partner.

So, reinvent yourself:

  • Change your wardrobe. Choose clothes that are contrary to the fashion that he has come to associate with you.
  • Start getting into better shape and wow him. You don’t have to be perfect but just starting to transform before his eyes will make him notice you.
  • Change your hairstyle and makeup styles adopt those that make you more appealing.
  • Focus on making the people around you happy. This is an extremely attractive quality to men that goes unnoticed by women.

Breakaway

The problem is that he sees you all the time. How does he even know what he is missing? If you want the guy to value you, you have to take a break from him. With a little distance, there is a chance that he will miss you and realize what you have to offer.

Giving yourself a break helps reset your relationship changes the dynamics. (Not a great example but think ‘old you' and now ‘new you')

This includes phone calls, texting and other communication. You can make an excuse if you want to (visiting family). If he does text you listen in a friendly manner then exit the conversation politely.

Have your own life

It is not enough to give your boyfriend some space but is also crucial that you have your own life. You only have one life, and you should not put it on hold for anyone. Also, the more you go out there and do the things you love, the more you will feel and look better and the more you will be more attractive.

When you are fixated on your attraction for the guy, you give off a needy vibe and neediness is anything but sexy.

Get passionate about something

Take up something that you are passionate about or start advancing your career. You will busier, less accessible and you will be more attractive.

More importantly, having a more exciting life will make you feel more confident and prevent you from making the mistake of building your life around your loneliness. You will no longer look to the guy to fill an emotional void; you will just prefer him, not need him.

Let him chase you

By now the dynamic has changed. You are no longer chasing the man. You are much more attractive than the previous girl who needed to hold his hand through life.  

Since you are less available, the guy will start feeling like he could lose you. Do not do much to reassure him. Leave him room to pursue you.

Men want to feel like winners

When you give the guy an opportunity to win you by stepping back, he will rise to the challenge and pursue you. And the opposite is also true. If you are in his face all the time, you will seem too easy to get: you will never be a prize.

You will only make it entirely impossible for him to realize how valuable you are and he will always take you for granted.

Get in touch with your femininity

Men like women. So you need to use this to your advantage. Wear dresses, skirts, flirt with him and let him know that you need his manly muscles for things.

You will make him feel needed, wanted, and like a man. Which will draw him to you

This leads me to my final thought

It is essential that you keep your options open. You may not want to hear this, but what if he is not ready for a relationship at all, or he is not attracted to you that way?

If you keep waiting for him to see the romantic potential between the two of you, you might waste all your time fixating on a man who will never fill that role and lose out on time you could have spent meeting an incredible man. Tying yourself up with a possible relationship and closing off every other option is just not wise.

The very final thought, I promise:

If you do not cut the umbilical cord, you will keep investing in a guy, who, all he will ever do is unload his personal issues on you. One day you will look back with bitterness and regret. Make a decision to get out of the friend zone today; no matter what the outcome could be!

The 10 Best Books on Sex, Love and Intimate Relationships

Best Books on Sex and Intimate Relationships - Woman reading book in sexy attire on bed
Best Books on Sex and Intimate Relationships - Woman reading book in sexy attire on bed

Friends have some relevant experience but they aren't experts on the topic of sex and intimacy. So who is…?

The authors of these books

They have reviewed studies (or done them themselves, researched, surveyed, and interviewed. Some have even delved into sub cultures to discover the real secrets behind why sex and intimacy plays such an important role in our lives

Here are ten of the best you can learn from, and discover what they learned, without all the hard work

A warning after reading these books, … will never be the same again. Enjoy

The Language of Desire by Felicity Keith

Capture him by using dirty works to make him yours

If as a woman you find yourself feeling undesirable and worried that the spark in your love life has gone out, you need to read The Language of Desire.

Author Felicity Keith offers ten sections covering how to achieve a better relationship with your man. Learn how to unlock the door to his secret fantasies, how to use “dirty” language to stoke the fires of his mental G-spot, and what “makes a man tick.”

This book is aimed at getting what you want, through giving him what he wants (which doesn't suit some women). A little more expensive than others in this list because of the amount of content, you can get your copy here.

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

Get in the drivers seat

Are you tired of being ignored? Is batting your eyelids and smiling pretty” not working for you? Would you like to have more control over men?

In The Art of Seduction, author Robert Greene reveals 24 different strategies you can use to become a “mistress of seduction”. The 400+ page, well-researched book also reveals what strategy suits your personality.

Although a little repetitive, it's a must for women who want to be in the drivers seat of their love life. This historical stories add another element for readers. Get your copy of The Art of Seduction here.

Dirty Minds by Kayt Sukel

Why does love make us so crazy?

For centuries humankind has pondered the nature of love in poems, books, songs, and art. But only recently has medical science been used to measure how our brains influence love, sex, romance, and our relationships.

In Dirty Minds, author Kayt Sukel takes a somewhat humorous look at how science is using technology such as brain scans during orgasm. Sukel looks at questions like, “Is monogamy practical?” and, “What parts of the brain are involved with love?”

A little complex for those wanting an easy read, but a fresh approach to an age-old topic? Get your copy of Dirty Minds here.

The Sexual Spectrum by Olive Skene Johnson, Ph.D.

What makes us all different

In Sexual Spectrum, author Olive Skene Johnson, Ph.D. takes a close look at what makes us all different. In particular what shapes our individual sexuality and how new is sexual diversity?

The information used is drawn from significant scientific research along with personal experience.

An excellent, non-technical read for those who are not familiar with topics such as why some people change gender are heterosexuals and homosexuals really different from each other, and many more.

A good primer for those with who have gay/lesbian children or are learning to accept their own sexuality. Get your copy here.

500 Intimate Questions for Couples by Michael Webb

Enjoy the hottest, deepest sex of your life

In 500 Intimate Questions, author Michael Webb has put together a collection the type of intimate questions you and your partner should be asking each other if you both want to enjoy mind-blowing sex.

Here's the thing – how can you possibly know if you are pleasing your partner and giving them the best sex they've ever had if you don't know what they want? The questions come from over 20 years as a couple's counselor helping thousands of couples achieve successful relationships.

More of a practical guide. this book is only available in digital PDF form. Get your copy here.

Bonk – The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach

A fun look at the science behind the pleasure of sex and more

In Bonk – The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, author Mary Roach uses her great sense of humor to teach us about orgasms, impotence, the sexual behavior of different species, and so much more.

Roach covers an incredibly broad span of information including sex in history such as the impotency trials in 17th century France. She looks at some of the more unusual sex toys and includes her personal evaluation of how well the work.

Irreverent? Maybe. Packed full of useful information in a way that is easy to digest? Absolutely!

Although a little graphic for some, you can expect an easy, informative and humorous read. Get your copy of Bonk! here

Mind-Blowing Sex Positions by Tracy Queen

From the weird to the outright wonderful

In Mind-Blowing Sex Positions, Tracy Queen covers more strange sex positions than a Porn Star Convention.

This book is all about taking that normal boring sex you have been living with and turning it up to notches hitherto unknown. It’s all about destroying the missionary rules and not dying while you do so.

Learn how to bend without breaking, how to use everything including appliances to get each other off. And of course, positions, positions, and just when you think you've tried them all, even more, positions.

Easy to understand, although no drawings or diagrams, get your copy of Mind-Blowing Sex Positions here.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler NPH

The definitive guide to reproductive health

For over 20 years Taking Charge of Your Fertility has been teaching women all they need to know about natural birth control as well as how to become pregnant when the time is right.

Weschler teaches women how to take control of their sexual and gynecological health in as little as two minutes per day using the Fertility Awareness Method in the book. This new 20th-anniversary edition includes six all-new chapters and tons of updated information. Get your copy here

Dirty Talk: The Language of Lust by Eric Monroe

Lessons in lust to win his …

Most women have little to no idea how to wield one of the most powerful weapons they have in their sexual inventory.

What weapons are we talking about? The lust-filled use of “dirty talk” at the appropriate time. Why? Because most women are too embarrassed to use them or have no idea where to star.

In Dirty Talk: The Language of Lust, author Eric Monroe not only teaches to you what dirty talk is all about but also how to know when you should be using it if you want to win your man's heart and vastly improve your sex life.

Expect to go from shy kitten to sultry seductress and get an education on dirty talk. Get your copy here.

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.

A master-class in the science of sex

In Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski explores the how and why of women's sexuality.

Using groundbreaking scientific research and science of the brain, she shows you how to radically transform your sex life.

While the “pink pill,” Viagra® for women may never come to pass, the research that went into developing it is priceless, and Nagoski covers this and much more to show you how to enjoy the best sex you've ever had.

Science decoded into easy to understand language. Get your copy here

Thanks for reading

Thanks for reading these picks. If you can think of a book that should be added to this list, then you can contact me here.

“He Broke Up With Me Will He Come Back?” – What You Need to Do Now

How to Get Your Ex-boyfriend back - Woman hugging boyfriend in public

How to Get Your Ex-boyfriend back - Woman hugging boyfriend in public

HE IS ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT, and you just want him back.

But where do you start?

Maybe you have thought about calling and texting him, but what if he doesn't answer your calls or responds to your texts?

The good news

The good news is that you can reconcile with your boyfriend.

But first, you have to pull yourself together. After a breakup, it can feel like the faster you reach out to your boyfriend and convince him that you love him, the sooner you can get things back to how they used to be.

However, this overwhelming sense of urgency can cloud your judgment and cause you to make decisions that might jeopardize your chances of getting him back.

Position yourself for a reconciliation

Your behavior after the breakup holds the key to your chances of getting your boyfriend back.

The post-breakup phase, if not well handled, offers many opportunities for you to make mistakes, which may affect your efforts to save your relationship.

Many women go completely off the deep end and turn into stalkers; obsessively checking their ex-boyfriends’ social media, sending them hundreds of texts and showing up in their homes and office.

This kind of behavior can only at best make the road to reconciliation more challenging, if not impossible.

Displaying your vulnerability by pleading, begging, and bargaining your way back into your ex-boyfriend’s heart is also a No! No!

You would never want him to get back with you because of pity or because you have guilt tripped him into giving you a second chance.

A desperate ex-girlfriend is not attractive to anyone. So, get a handle on yourself and have a plan in place to win back your boyfriend.

He Broke Up With Me Will He Come Back - woman staring at picture of boyfriend

The no-contact rule

It is very tempting to reach out to your ex-boyfriend: but don't. Avoid all contact with him for 4 weeks. Do not no call him, do not write him any texts, do not email him, and certainly, do not like or comment on his social media.

In situations where you must maintain contact, such as being co-parents, talk to him only about essential matters. The no-contact period is crucial because it:

  • Gives you space to calm your emotions so that you can think rationally.
  • Allows you to reflect and determine whether you really want to get back with your ex-boyfriend.
  • Allows you time to work on improving yourself.
  • Gives your ex-boyfriend time to miss you.

Your ex-boyfriend probably expects you to fall apart after the breakup and start pleading with him to take you back. He has probably experienced this reaction from his previous breakups.

The no- contact will catch him by surprise and he will wonder whether he has misjudged you, and in turn question the breakup. The no-contact period will work to your maximum advantage.

What if he contacts you first?

If your ex-boyfriend reaches out to you before the 4 weeks are over, do not get too excited. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything – he might be going through a moment of weakness.

Also, do not invest too much in it. You do not need to ignore him, but it is essential that you keep some comfortable distance.

Keep the conversations light and enjoyable and always steer them away from anything too heavy and emotional. Bear in mind that if your relationship didn’t work, it was for a reason, and it won’t work unless something changes and real change takes time.

Whatever you do, do not have sex with him until you have resolved all the issues. Being intimate with your ex-boyfriend will cloud your judgment and distract you from dealing with the real issues that you should be working on.

Why did he break up with you?

You probably have no idea why your boyfriend broke up with you, and you are not alone. Many women are left clueless about why their exes leave.

The reason why your man may not be forthcoming about the reason for calling it quits is that he probably fears your reaction or he may not want to hurt you. Lame excuses like, ‘our relationship is not working anymore’ need to be decoded to determine the real reason.

Experts say that men mainly leave relationships when respect and admiration are no longer available in the relationship.

It is not that he found a girl who is prettier than you; instead, he found interest and appreciation that you once showed him from the new girl. Other reasons why guys leave include:

  • He finds you needy and controlling
  • The trust is gone
  • There is no intimacy and connection

If you hope to build a successful relationship the second time around, you must find out what was missing in your relationship in the first place.

Love yourself

The most important thing you can do while you are taking a break from your ex is improving yourself physically and mentally. To become that irresistible girl, you will need to work on improving three areas of your life:

  • Health: Eat properly, work out and ensure you look your best. Think of updating your wardrobe and probably have a makeover.
  • Wealth: Wealth involves all aspects of success. This could include applying for new jobs studying for new skills.
  • Relationships: Relationships encompass everything from family and friends. Remember the social life you had before you started dating your man; it is time to catch up with family and reconnect with your friends.

You could also take on a new hobby which is a fantastic way of keeping yourself occupied. Investing time and energy on yourself will make you more attractive to your ex-boyfriend than even before you broke up.

Engage social media constructively

Since you have no contact with your ex-boyfriend, social media can help you communicate indirectly with him.

Engage social media to show your ex-boyfriend how great you look, how much you have grown as a person and all the fun activities you have been up to. Take photos that illustrate valuable changes that will make a strong impression on your ex-boyfriend.

DO NOT:

  • Take lots of selfies at home as this will only demonstrate to your boyfriend that you have no life outside of him
  • Post sad quotes and lyrics
  • Post inspirational messages about breakups and loneliness

The texting phase

Texting is the best way to initiate contact with your ex-boyfriend. The first message should be light-hearted, fun and one that will grab his attention. ‘Hey, just heard that they have opened a great new sushi place near you and it reminded me of how much you love hand rolls.’

Sending your ex a text message is a fun and easy way to reconnect with him in a low-pressure environment. Slowly, you and your ex will start having text conversations. All you need to remember is to keep your texts fun and always to end the conversation on a high.

Once you have built enough rapport with your ex-boyfriend, you can introduce phone calls. A text like the one below can be great for introducing phone calls.

‘Can I get your help with something?'

Or

‘Hey just walked out of the most amazing interview. You wouldn't believe who was in there.’

When your ex-boyfriend calls, the same rules apply as with text messages. Keep the call fun, brief and always end it on a high note.

The Dates

The final element to getting your ex back is going out on dates with him. No matter how excited you are, you must keep a cool head. Do not prolong the date. With a smile on your face and sincere warmth in your attitude, find a reason to excuse yourself when you are still having fun.

Do not be afraid to make it clear that you have other people to see and other things to do. Keep a friendly tone through the dates and leave him wondering whether you really want him back or not. His ego will take over, and it will convince him to chase.

Final thoughts

It is possible to get your ex-boyfriend back and create a fantastic, brand new relationship. However, do not get back with him for the wrong reasons and not before you adequately address the real underlying issues. You do not want history to repeat itself.

The breakup phase does not have to be miserable; utilize it properly. Relationships have a way of sucking all the time out of your life.

A breakup should be a time for self-reflection, reinvention and becoming a better version of you- so, take full advantage of it.

Thanks for reading my guide on “He Broke Up With Me Will He Come Back?” You can find more information below, as well as on the mailing list.

9 Experts Answer FAQ on How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

Randy Skilton Headshot 200

EVEN THOUGH YOU may feel down for the count…

It doesn't mean you're out of the fight. Not if you play your cards right

Just because he says he doesn't want to be with you right now doesn't mean he won't change his mind in the near future

So what should you do..?

To help, I've asked some Ex-Back experts the more commonly asked questions around how to get your ex-boyfriend back

There is well over 30 years experience in getting couples back together in this list, so if anyone can help it's these experts…

 

“What's The Best Way to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Through Text?”

– Michael Fiore

Michael fiore with phone

Michael Fiore is THE expert when it comes to using text messages to reconnect with your ex…

With many years experience as well as a few published books on the subject

He likes text messages in a break-up situation because even if your Ex is screening your calls and blocking you on social media, the text will still pop up on his phone.

And in this way, he will see it before he gets the chance to delete it

When asked his number one tip for using your phone to get your Ex-Boyfriend back he said:

Michaels Tip:

“Sending the wrong type of message can instantly kill your chances of getting your Ex back”

To that, he adds…

“In fact sending the wrong message can push him into the arms of another woman”

Why is it so important that you think through what you send?

According to Michael, there are three reasons…

  1. Guys typically move on faster than women
    • This is important because he will try to fix the relationship with another relationship.. and not think about what went wrong
  2. Guys make their minds up fast, but can be persuaded to change their mind
    • This means he will try to resist any advances you make towards him
  3. When your Ex sees your name appear on his phone, he will get anxious…
    • It doesn't matter how ‘nice' your text messages are, he won't hear what you're saying because of this anxiety and even fear

So far it's been bad news, but there is good news

There are ways through text that you can bypass his defenses and get straight through to his heart

And when you create the perfect message, he will have to respond. When you trigger that inner part of him that cannot resist your message

You see most women trying to get their Ex back will put everything into one message. But Mike has broken down the process into a series of messages

All with different purposes…

Like climbing stairs, you take his hand and guide him one step at a time

If you want to know more about the steps of using text to get your Ex back, then Mike has a book called ‘Text Your Ex Back'.

It includes done-for-you text messages you can send him to open up the lines of communication and get him thinking about you again

He's also prepared a short video on his website where he divulges why a break up can actually be a good thing for your relationship.

I encourage anyone wanting to get their Ex back through text message, to take the next 5 minutes and watch

 

“How Do You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend To Want You Back?”

– James Bauer

James is a dating and relationship coach, working specifically with women for the last 11 years

He believes that trying to convince and reason with your Ex is not going to get him back

James' tip about getting your Ex to want you back is quite blunt..

James' Tip:

“Trigger his feelings”

He says emotions run the show and you will have a much better chance by tapping into them instead

“Emotion. It’s your best shot at winning him back”

So how do you use his emotions to get him back?

“1. Build a private line of communication”

James explains that in most situations, everyone knows that you have broken up. So when there are other people around, that's how he will see your relationship

But when there's no one else and it's only the two of you, those social rules don't apply. This will help him really open up to you

And at the start of the process, this is all you need to do. Simply keep in touch every so often, in a way or place where only the two of you will see or hear your conversation

James also revealed a follow-up step…

“2. Validate his frustrations with other people and things”

“We will do anything for someone who validates our frustration and takes our side when we are feeling insecure”

“So when the frustrated text arrives, recognize it as the golden opportunity it is”

James says that when your Ex-Boyfriend is looking for someone to ‘have his back', then be there for him. If he's frustrated at work or with his favorite sports team, take his side on the matter and let him know he's got a confidante

“Give him the impression that you hold him in high esteem relative to other men. He’ll love you for it even if he’s not ready to admit it…”

These two tips are the tip of the iceberg. James has a book written specifically around getting women back with their Ex-Boyfriends. To find out more, he has created a video on the real reason why men pull away and lose interest

You can also find his ‘Relationship Rewrite Method' program for getting your Ex-Boyfriend back here

 

“How Do You Get Your Ex Back… Fast?”

– Gregg Michaelsen

Gregg is a popular, Boston based dating coach with a focus on helping women understand men

His book ‘How to Get Your Ex Back Fast‘ is one of the highest rated on the topic of relationship repair

And his best tip for getting your ex back fast is simple…

Gregg's Tip:

You need to spark your Ex's competitive side…

Gregg says that all men have them, and they are the key to helping you get back together with your Ex

So it's time to stop eating ice cream on the couch and start dating other men

Why does this work? Gregg put's it like this

“Guys don't like to lose their stuff… and in a primal way he thinks of you as ‘his stuff'”

Gregg also says to complete the picture you need to let him know you are moving on. Send him messages about getting your stuff back

Or ask him where you stayed when you went on holidays a few years ago…when you were together

Gregg says that by doing this, you are telling him that you are ready to move on, and it's not just him

“It tells him that you're not just there, waiting by your phone for him to call or text and tell you how things are going to be…”

Direct vs Indirect tip:

Another tip from Gregg is that going direct (sending text messages about how much you miss him etc.) doesn't work, and this delicate situation means you need to act ‘indirectly'

Like the text messages above imply that you are moving on…

Although being direct may seem faster, it will give your Ex-Boyfriend the impression that you are needy. Neediness and clingyness are kryptonite for a man. And will make him run the other way

Greggs book entitled ‘How to Get Your Ex Back Fast‘ has plenty more tips and advice and is available digitally or in audiobook format.

 

“How Do You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back When He Broke Up With You?”

– Brad Browning

How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back - Brad Browning Headshot

Is there really anything you can do when your Ex-Boyfriend dumped you, but you want him back?

The truth is that there are ways to get back into his heart and remind him of what you once had…

Brad Browning, author of the Ex Factor Guide and self-confessed ‘relationship geek' says that you need to take it in stages.

His tip is:

“Firstly let him know that you are OK with the breakup, even if you're not.”

This takes the pressure off of him, which is why he might have wanted out of the relationship in the first place

Then Brad advises planting the seed of you dating other people

“By saying this, you’re sub-communicating to him that you’re actually wanted by other guys.”

This is very attractive to men and will make him feel like he has lost something. You can see Brad and his book/system for getting your Ex-Boyfriend back here, or read a more detailed review here.

“How Do You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back When You Broke Up With Him?”

– Kate Robinson

Kate Robinson is a relationship expert who has been through it all herself…

The break up she didn't want and then getting her Ex-Boyfriend back (through trial and error)

So when she gives advice it isn't only informed by psychological studies and research, but also her own life and experiences…

Her first tip for getting your Ex back, when you broke up with him is…

“First, you need to take full control of your emotions… it will boost your attractiveness level sky-high”

Kate says he will notice when you are more centered, relaxed and confident. And he will listen to what you have to say with his heart, not his mind

So you can let him know that breaking up with him was a mistake and tell him why…

And it will make you more convincing when he feels that you're talking to him from a place of control

Kate's second tip is:

“To know how men work. You need to know exactly what his wants and needs are if you want to bypass his rational defences that are denying his love for you”

To get the low down on how to do this get a copy of Kate's program ‘Ex Back Goddess

It includes a play-by-play guide to getting your Ex-Boyfriend back

Kate has even created a video about the do's and don'ts of how to get him back when the relationship between you is rocky and even a little awkward

 

“How Do You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back When He Has Moved On?”

– Elizabeth Daniels

Elizabeth Daniels has over 12 years experience teaching the law of attraction around the topics of relationships

During that time, she has put everything she knows into a book for people who want to attract a specific person, no matter the status of your relationship with them right now…

So she's the perfect expert for this question

Her big tip is:

“to focus on the positive…”

Elizabeth says that women going through a break up will be thinking along the lines of…

“The ‘I'm not good enough,' ‘I'm too old,' ‘or ‘I'm too ugly'… These are the negative stories keeping you from having the love life you want”

She went on to say that…

“When you start to change your thoughts, you change your vibraion and begin to attract love to you”

So how do you do it?

You need to start rewriting these negative thoughts you have circling around in your head with positive ones

And how you do that is by starting to tell yourself what you want and who you want to be

She has shared some of her thought changing statements, that you can use to replace what you're telling yourself now…

  • “I love myself totally”
  • “Romance is something I find everywhere I go”
  • “I enjoy being loved and treasured by my amazing, kind and generous partner”

You can say these statements in the shower, the car or even to yourself next time you notice you're having negative thoughts

And if you want to find out more about how Elizabeth Daniels can help you win back your ex after he has moved on, check out her book:

Manifesting Love: How to Use the Law of Attraction to Attract a Specific Person, Get Your Ex Back, and Have the Relationship of Your Dreams here

It comes recommended with many 5 star reviews

 

“How Do You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend To Sleep With You?”

– Felicity KeithFelicity Keith - How to get your boyfriend back to sleep with you

Over her time as a relationship coach, Felicity has helped over 100,000 women get their ‘so-so' love lives to Ah-Maze-Ing

Her focus on the more intimate side of relationships means that whatever is going on, she's not afraid to talk about it

And she has some great advice on the topic of getting your Ex Boyfriend to sleep with you

Her advice is…

“His declining desire level is about how he see's himself through your eyes… It's not about how you look”

So the first thing that she says to do to get your ex to sleep with you is…

“Tell him that you appreciate him…”

But not in those exact words… Instead, let him know that something he does or did is important to you

This indirectly communicates with the part of love that a man thinks is actually love. It's love on his level

And when he feels loved and appreciated. He wants to do nice things for the people who appreciate him… You get the idea

Another tip she gives is…

“When he compliments you, don't tear yourself down about it…”

If he says “I really like you in those jeans” don't tell him that you think they make your bum look big…

“When you do this, your actually putting him down and telling him he is wrong”

And this will directly impact his desire for you, and in-turn your chances with him…

Felicity has more insights into the male psyche around sex, love, and relationships in her program ‘Language of Desire' which is aimed at debunking all the myths around men and sex…

As well as taking you by the hand and showing you how to get what you want, by giving him what he wants

The good news is that it works even if your relationship with your Ex is a little rocky

There are plenty of bonuses and the audiobook included (if you click this link)

Felicity has also prepared a short and personal video (NSFW) into how she overcame intimacy problems in her relationship

 

“How Do You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend To Miss You?”

– Michael Webb

michael-webb

Michael has been around the dating and relationship industry for years. He's been featured in a few magazines, newspapers and even the Oprah show

Michael says that there are many mistakes women make when they are trying to get their Ex's back. Which push men away and makes them look elsewhere

His tips are:

“Don't share your feelings with him too early”

Men don't fall back in love with women that they think are needy or clingy. But women sometimes want to overly share when he's not ready for it yet.

“Don't try to push it too far too soon”

Men need time to adjust. Women can think that they need to settle down before a certain age, but men don't think that way.

He isn't on the same ‘schedule' as you so don't ask him to be.

“Women can be too available”

It's important that you are still somewhat of a challenge, and there is a price to being with you. Men respect that.

“Be yourself”

This one speaks for itself. And lastly…

“Women typically try appealing to his sexual side too much”

If you want a long-term relationship, you need a man who admires and respects you. Let him see that side of you, rather than the one night side

Thanks, Michael. To see more of his advice, he has released a book that is dedicated to women who want their men back. You can find it here

 

“How Do You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back When He Has A Girlfriend?”

– Randy Skilton

Randy Skilton Headshot 200

Unfortunately, if he has moved on and happy then it can be too late

But because you have a special insight into his life, you need to leverage that to grow and nurture the relationship between the two of you

My tip is:

“Build up his confidence and let him know that he is a great guy”

If he feels confident in himself, and the new relationship isn't going well, he will be more likely to want something better and do something about it

And when you are the one building his confidence up, you become the next best

Then it's only natural that he explores you as an option…

Running this website (and other relationship websites) I have reviewed many different Ex-Back books and programs.

And if you're asking me, what I recommend as the best way to rekindle a relationship, even when a third party is involved… it's in Michael Fiore's Text the Romance Back

This easy-to-read book (with accompanying audio) will get you talking in a language that he cannot resist, and make him feel like a million bucks

The best bit is that there are done-for-you messages that you can send within 10 minutes of getting your hands on the book

And because you can send all these messages through text, you can bring him from wherever he is in the world to your door

And whatever stage your relationship is in…

In this book/program you will learn:

  • How to talk to him in a way that he will respond positively to
  • When it's a good time to escalate texts
  • What to do if he doesn't reply…
  • Why men get fed up in their relationships
  • Where many women make mistakes in talking to men and how to easily avoid those pitfalls

You can get your copy of Text the Romance Back here or see a more detailed review here

 

In Summary…

Firstly, I'd like to say a big thanks to the experts who have given their advice

There is some great advice here on how to get your Ex-Boyfriend back. So I encourage you to take it, think it through and use it

And if you need more information then get the book or program that suits you. They can make the difference

Either which way you go, I wish you the best of luck in your situation

If you have any questions or comments, you can contact me here

Resources:

  • https://www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com/blog/
  • http://michaelcfiore.com/looks-arent-blame-lack-interest/
  • https://www.meetyoursweet.com/women/blog/how-to-get-your-ex-to-chase-you-down-and-give-your-relationship-a-second-chance/
  • AskFelicityKeith.com
  • https://relationshiprewritemethod.com/convincing-vs-trigger-feelings.php
  • https://gettinghimback.com/

The Top 10 Best Dating Books For Women (Searching For Mr Right)

Top 10 Best Dating Books - Woman reading book with love interest

Top 10 Best Dating Books - Woman reading book with love interest

WHERE DO YOU GO FOR ADVICE when you're out of ideas and you've tried (or refused to try) everything your girlfriends have suggested…?

Dating books and guides aren't all created equal. In fact, there are many out there that give some pretty bad advice…

I couldn't believe my eyes when I once read a ‘tip' on how to create a fake Facebook account to make a guy jealous… That's the type of advice that you want to avoid.

So here are my filtered-for-rubbish top 10 best dating book picks. I have chosen each one for two reasons:

  1. They are written by real experts and contain good solid advice
  2. They're a little different from the others

Enjoy

1. His Secret Obsession – James Bauer

Best dating books for women - his secret obsession

Discover a man's innermost desire

Ever wondered why men do what they do, and make the choices that they make?

The weird part about it is, that 99.9% of men don’t even know this themselves. (I didn’t before I read through this book).

The answer lies in the male ‘primal drives'. And when you learn to work with them instead of against them, you can give him what he wants, and get what you want at the same time

And it can be as easy as simply changing your language or how you ask for things

I recommend this book to any woman wanting to have better relationships with men. If you only read one of the following best dating books, then it must be this one!

Get your copy of His Secret Obsession here or read a more detailed review (I did for another site) here

Pros Cons
Information is fantastic and explained well A little more expensive than other books
Audiobook and bonuses included The author is a little rude sometimes (I think unknowingly)

2. He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys – Greg Behrendt


The book behind the movie

You know those cliche lines that men say when you want to have a relationship…

  • “I don't want to get hurt again”
  • “Let's not ruin the friendship”
  • “I'm not ready I just got out of a relationship with a bad break up”

Greg Behrendt says these are all different ways of saying that He's Just Not That Into You

This book focuses on weeding out the guys that you meet that aren't that interested, so you can spend more time with the one that is

It's well reviewed in fact, many say the book is mandatory reading for single women…

Read more detailed reviews and get your copy of He's Just Not That Into You here

Pros Cons
Well written and easy to understand Niche topic
Audiobook available Book's simplistic approach may not always be appropriate in life

3. Text the Romance Back – Michael Fiore

Best dating books for women - text the romance back

Having trouble getting and keeping his attention?

Question: How much can you make a man think about you via a simple text?

Answer: You’d be surprised. You can make him obsessed

This concise book goes through 8 different types of text messages that reach in and speak to the core of any man. Leaving him thinking about you.

You can even use them with a guy you’ve only recently met to help amp up the attraction or to move things along if you're further along in a relationship.

Well worth the read. A guide focused on turning your mobile phone into a remote control.

Get your copy of Text the Romance Back here or read a more detailed review here.

Pros Cons
Done for you texts that show you how he likes to be talked to Michael Fiore is not for everyone
Audiobook and bonuses included Only one focus in the book, the start of conversations

4. All the Rules – Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

A refreshingly blunt approach to relationships

Filled with common sense suggestions, hilarious anecdotes, and a wealth of valuable information, All the Rules is written to build your sense of self-confidence around relationships

This open-and-honest guide reveals the real rules of the game, along with the many dos and don'ts of having a successful relationships

In it, you will learn how to accept the fact you aren't always going to win, and how to move on when it's over. You will also learn about how to get him to treat you with dignity and respect

All the Rules will help you take you into the committed relationship you deserve. A must read for any woman from 18 to 80 who is looking to find the man of her dreams.

Get your copy of All the Rules here

Pros Cons
Fun and easy to read Information is a bit dated
Prepares you for the real world of dating and relationships Some of the information is very sexist in nature

5. The Devotion System – Amy North

Dating books for women - the devotion system

Ever wondered how some women keep men, while others don't…?

Amy North reveals that keeping a man is not a secret or some special thing that is reserved only for some women. It’s that these women know what to do to keep a man devoted

This book is jam-packed full of practical information about relationships, as well as targeted sections about attracting and keeping your dream guy

It includes three main sections, general relationship information, what makes men tick and how the stages of love differ and how to act in each one to keep him ‘on the hook’

You can expect to recognize some male behaviors and understand the relationship dynamic better after reading this book

It’s a great option if you want a broad education about men and relationships

You can visit the Devotion System website here or read a detailed review of the book here

Pros Cons
Detailed and comprehensive Author preaches a bit
Easy to navigate A little dense with information

6. Never Chase Men Again – Bruce Bryans

38 hot secrets to help you score your dream guy

Tired of dating those guys who only seem to want one thing. ..?

You know the guys that wine and dine you as long as you keep things on a shallow level, but as soon as you start acting like you want to take things a little further, run for the hills?

Read all about keeping your man interested by doing that “one thing” most women are scared to death of doing once they find the right guy.

You will learn how to reject a man's undesirable behaviors and get him to take you seriously or hit the road

Most importantly learn how you can be in charge of the relationship without making it look that way and get rid of the deadwood before it starts piling up in your firebox.

Get your copy of Never Chase Men Again here

Pros Cons
Goes past the shallow relationship and to the real deal Fails to deliver anything new
Teaches you while making you laugh along the way Some feel it tells women how to change in order for men to like them

7. He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time – Bruce Bryans

40 games guys play when they are just passing the time with you

The next time a guy tells you he has “commitment issue,” what he is really trying to say, is that he really isn't that interested in you

There can be many reasons why a guy might suddenly pull away from a relationship as things start to get serious. But chances are good, that it all still boils down to the same thing

He was never that interested in you in the first place

This book will give you a better understanding of how to skip past the losers and find a winner. The one who isn't afraid to make a commitment. The one person who is ready to spend the rest of their life with you

By the time you have reached the end, you will be ready to get out there, see the signals for yourself and find your Mr. Right!

Get your copy of He's Not That Interested, He's Just Passing Time here

Pros Cons
Good basic information Book tends to point every situation in the same direction
Concise and well written Experienced daters may find boring

7. How to Kiss a Man to Make Him Fall In Love – Michael Fiore

How you kiss him can keep him from pulling away

Kissing is really the gateway to the physical side of any relationship. So if you don't get it right, it can really stimy the relationship…

It can even put off a great guy because he thinks your not good at the ‘physical stuff'

In this book, Michael Fiore answers some of the most common questions around kissing and ‘getting physical', including:

  • What kissing actually means to men
  • How men secretly yearn to kiss and be kissed
  • How to get him to let down his shields
  • Where you should focus your attention to get him to make the first move

If that barrier between flirting and getting physical with a man seems to be the barrier in your relationship(s) then this is the book for you

The video on the website has some great tips as well. You can get to the How to Kiss a Man to Make Him Fall in Love website here

Pros Cons
Practical advice in an easy-to-read book Not everyone likes the way Michael Fiore writes/reads
Audiobook and a few bonuses included Very niche, won't help everyone

8. Men Don't Love Women Like You! – G.L. Lambert

For those who have been made to feel unappreciated or “less than.”

G.L. Lambert says that in the world of relationships there are the sheep, and then there are the wolves. If you are a sheep, then you are just hanging out with the shepherd until the wolf comes along and steals him away.

In this book, you learn how to become ‘the wolf.' The type of woman who every man truly wants in his life, not just his “bit on the side.”

Lambert teaches you to become an empowered woman, one who is in charge of her relationships and her destiny

A side note is that Men Don't Love Women Like You! Is a 2018 Gold Medal E-Lit Awards Winner!

You can get your copy here

Pros Cons
Learn how to take control Very graphic with lots of F-bombs
The text is blunt and cuts right to the point Text tends to talk in circles over and again

9. To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man – Gregg Michaelsen

Who says it's impossible to figure guys out?

Just as much as men say you can't understand women; most women admit they don't understand men any better.

In this great book, you will learn how to put yourself in “Man Mode.” When in this mode, you will be able to operate and think on his level just like his buddies do.

This book will show you:

  • What influences a man as he grows up
  • How he falls in love
  • What he considers to be a “Keeper”
  • How to increase your “value” as a woman of substance (not just a fling)
  • An easy way to deal with baggage (yours and his)
  • How to attract the right guy and a test to make sure he is
  • How to pick out the idiots that should be dumped to the curb before you invest too much time in them
  • All about the “secret” language used in relationships

When you are done with this book, you will have a much better idea of why men do what they do.

Get your copy of To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man here

Pros Cons
Learn all the tricks of the trade to sort the wheat from the chaff Lots of crude language used throughout
Learn what is the guy's fault and what might be yours and what to do about it Simplistic in nature and often offensive

10. Language of Desire – Felicity Keith (NSFW)

Language of Desire

All a man wants is sex right…?

Well as a man I can tell you it’s not everything, but it is a major thing. And it never fails to get a mans attention.

So what if you could use sex, to get his attention, not in a slutty way but in a way that will captivate him, and let him know you are serious

This book is about getting what you want, by giving him what he wants.

Language of Desire gives insights like:

  • What porn companies do to keep a man's attention, and have him coming back (it isn’t just sexual)
  • How to get what you want from him, by giving him what he wants
  • What to do to create a loyalty so strong that you're basically stamping your name on his forehead

Written by a regular ‘desperate housewife’, this book is an education that you wouldn’t have had, and won't get anywhere else.

Get your copy of Language of Desire here or read a detailed review here. Note that it includes an audiobook and bonuses

Pros Cons
It's real. Felicity is easy to relate to and understand Explicit language and themes, which won't suit everyone
Done for you things to say and do to get the ball rolling The audiobook sounds like it was read over the telephone

The Final Word

I always found it funny that in our culture, we study for years to get a job we will be in for 40 years or so.

But people find it difficult to get advice on their dating lives and be seen with a book on ‘how to meet someone'.

These dating books and guides are like your learner plates or trainee badge. Everyone goes through a stage like this… we just don't all let the people we know, know about it.

Thanks for reading my top 10 picks of the best dating books and guides. I hope you have found something useful. If you have a question, contact me here.

What Makes a Good Man – The 7 Question Checklist to Determine if He’s Worth Dating

What makes a good man - woman looking at man on date

What makes a good man - woman looking at man on date

HE SEEMS LIKE A GREAT CATCH…. but how can you be sure?

In a study, when asked what is preventing them from meeting the right man, 38% percent of women agreed that they have no time, while 28% indicated that there are no good places to meet. A whopping 28% of the women said that all the good ones are taken.

28 %!

That means one out of four of your single friends has given up on men. Their reason, ‘there aren’t any good men available anymore.’

I wasn’t surprised that some women think that there aren’t any good men around, but not 1 in 4. This is a large proportion of women are starting to give up on the notion of ‘growing old with someone’, or even starting a (nuclear) family.

But, why are good men hard to find?

Western culture has evolved in ways that have made finding a good man tough. Over the past few decades, the traditional relationship set up has broken down. Previously, men needed access to sex while women lacked access to resources.

The man knew that he could not get sex if he did not have resources and was not ready to commit to a woman. So the system was set up for him to work hard, be responsible and then he could choose a woman and commit to her. This setup was a grand bargain that worked for both sides.

However, the reality of today is that sex is cheap. With the thriving online dating sites and mass production of high-quality pornography, men have easy access to countless willing sex partners.

Today’s man can have all the sex he wants at minimal cost. This has, in turn, turned many men into louts because they do not have to prove themselves as providers anymore.

But just because our culture has changed doesn’t mean there aren’t good men around.

What makes a good man – 7 questions to answer

The following are a few essentials of a quality man, capable of commitment. They will help you determine what to look for in a guy.

1. What is his level of maturity?

You will be able to quickly determine a guy’s emotional maturity by observing how he reacts to situations and how he treats the people around him. In a restaurant, for instance, when they take a bit longer to get to your table, how does he react? Does he take it in his stride or does he lose his temper? Does he shout at the server when an order gets mixed up?

Even if he is on his best behavior, it is hard for him to hide long-standing habits. Watch him keenly enough, and you will be able to determine whether you are on the right path.

What makes a good man - Couple hugging while woman looks at camera

2. Does he have a purpose?

Experts say that men derive a huge chunk of their identity from their dreams. If a man is creating and working towards something that is bigger than himself, he is likely to be more satisfied, and as a result, he can be a better partner.

3. Who are his friends?

Experts say that a majority of guys who get married had a friend who got married within the last year. You can learn much about a guy by who he spends his time with. Are his friends mature? Do they share your values? Does he maintain friendships?

4. Is he available?

Experts say that many men are hardly available because they overlap their relationships. ‘Single' does not always mean available. If he is holding ties with his ex, or he is consumed with work that he has no room for someone else, he will eventually hurt you because he is not ready for a long-term relationship.

5. Is he is direct?

Many guys think that if they have this ‘whatever’ attitude, women will suddenly fall in love with them. A relationship with a guy who plays games will only end in tears. A quality man should be able to look straight into your eyes and express himself. Anything less than that and he is weak. You should not settle for weak.

6. Is he kind?

Men who are ready for relationships tend to be passed a few different phases of their life. Most notably their ‘fun and adventure phase’, their ‘get paid’ phase. Kindness comes after this. It demonstrates that his life isn’t all about him. Which is important when it comes to starting a family.

7. Is he honest?

Men don’t always do the right thing, or know what the right thing is. But as long as he is honest about it, you can deal with it. If he is hiding something, it can ruin trust and it can have an impact on his life and the peoples around him. Him being honest, is very important.

So are there any good men left?

Finding that man who is a combination of best friend, lover, and partner is just about the hardest thing in the world. Many women want to cut the chase and find a great guy.

Unfortunately, the quest for a good man takes a lot of effort: planning and prospecting. The reward is never immediate, but if you are consistent, you will meet a fantastic guy worthy of your affection.

Thanks for reading this guide on what makes a good man.

Want to find a good man? Here are a few, ‘old-fashioned' places you can find where to find a good man

“Should I Approach A Guy First?” – How to Take Control of Your Dating Life Without Looking Desperate

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman deciding should she approach the man

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman deciding should she approach the man

THE CRUSH… BOTH THRILLING AND TERRIFYING

Wouldn't it be great if he at least knew how you felt! Too bad, you cannot approach him and tell him…

But, wait a minute!

Who says that you have to wait for that cute guy to come over and talk to you first?

While traditional gender roles have for a long time suggested that men should be the aggressors, women are becoming bolder, going after what they want and getting it.

Women have realized that some guys can be just as nervous and shy as them. As such, helping the guy out a bit and meeting him halfway is not just a good idea, but an excellent strategy for taking control of your dating life.

Get over your fear

Many women find it hard to never muster enough courage to go over to talk to a guy. However, if you consider the benefits of approaching the guy you like, they will override your fears.

Making the first move to talk to a guy not only gives you an opportunity to get to know him better, but you will also impress him with your boldness.

Approaching a guy also gives you an advantage over other women who might also like the same guy. It shows you are confident and you use your initiative. Which are two things good men like in women.

Confidence hacks

Overcome your anxiety and nerves by reminding yourself that your crush has his flaws and insecurities. Bring him back down to earth in your mind, and you will find it a lot easier to initiate a conversation with him.

Do not allow your fear to hold you back from going after what you want. If you are wondering what to say to a guy you just met, here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Check his ‘crushability'

Before you initiate anything, you need to be sure that this guy is worthy of your attraction.

Sometimes, you can be attracted to a guy and approach him, but ten minutes in his presence, and he utterly repulses you. If you are not in a position to ask someone about the guy, all you have to do is observe.

How is he behaving around his friends? How is he treating people that are not probably as popular as he is, for instance, the waiters? Is he nice or is he a jerk? Be sure he is a nice guy before you make any move.

Figure out the best time to approach.

When it comes to approaching a guy, timing is everything. Not so much on your side, but on his side. See the longer you leave it, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of it.

Mel Robbins talks about how you have 5 seconds to take action in the video below.

The typical excuses

Some of the excuses that we tell ourselves are:

His friends

It might be a bit intimidating to approach him while his buddies surround him, but it also shows great confidence. He will enjoy it.

The place

Sometimes we can think there are social rules that include do not approach someone for certain places. Like the train, library, church and wherever else.

These only really exist in our minds. Most people there simply don't care what you do, as long as your not hurting someone else. They will more likely be cheering you on.

The time

It's too early to meet the man of your dreams? Oh, I guess you will never meet him. Come on listen to yourself here, this one is silly!

There's no excuse good enough

As you can see there isn't really any excuse good enough. But your brain will try to stop you because it thinks it's protecting you. This is an old reaction that we have in our brains that some people never overcome.

Here is a longer clip with an interview with Mel Robbins who has more information on this topic. Well worth a watch.

Let's do it – How to approach confidently – when you are not confident

Make eye contact, smile and approach

First, make eye contact and smile at your crush. Pay attention to his response. Does he smile back? If you feel that this has gone well, it is time for the approach.

Sometimes, all a man needs to open up to you is to know that you are interested in him. If you appear pleasant and approachable, a man who likes you will be more open to having a conversation with you.

One of the biggest problem you may face when striking a conversation with a guy you just met, and more so the one you like is the awkward silence. It is not enough to initiate a conversation; you need to ensure it is the right conversation.

3 ways you can start the conversation

Ask for his help

Bringing out a guy’s protective instinct will make him feel more connected to you. Depend on the guy for something: carrying for you a few books because they are too heavy; walking you down the street because it is dark. Ask him for directions or time.

Men love to feel needed and helpful. So, find a reason to need his assistance. After he has helped you, thank him for his help and offer to buy him coffee to express your appreciation.

Compliment him

Compliments always bring two people closer. No one is unreceptive to a sincere compliment. If you genuinely feel that there is something worth complimenting about a guy, tell him about it.

Be specific: tell him how cute his shoes are, or how well he has put his entire look together. Tell him he has a gorgeous smile or that his dimples give him a boyish charm that you find adorable. If he finds you equally attractive, he may respond with a few compliments of his own, and you will have broken the ice.

Tease the guy

To spice up the conversation, tease the guy a bit. You can tease him by pointing out a cheesy line he uses during your conversation. ‘Oh! Did you think you won me over?’ Or, you could look at the clean-shaven head and tell him, ‘You would look great with a huge blue Mohawk. It would bring out the gorgeous blue in your eyes’.

Suggesting an extreme makeover for a guy you have just met is excellent for that feeling of instant connectedness. It is also a way of complimenting him without being too serious. And it can work with clothes too. Suggest a pair of tight white flairs and see him smile.

You can also result in a competitive tease. Pick something that he says he is good at and challenge him to it. The good thing is that you don’t even have to be good at it. If you beat him, he will be impressed and if you lose he will bask in the glory of comforting you. ‘So you think you are good at pool? Let’s see how good you think you are after a game with me!’

Caution: Do not get too competitive. No guy likes a boastful woman.

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman and Man talking over wine

After the first 2 minutes

Move the conversation

If you have been talking for a while it can be a good idea to move

  • Let's go and get a drink
  • You have to meet my friend
  • You have to see this
  • Etc.

These can get your guy to move so you can have more of an intimate conversation

Ask him questions

When you are in the middle of a conversation with the guy, get him to speak about himself. Start with general questions and only ask personal ones as the conversation progresses.

If you are attending a function, ask him how he knows the host or why he is there. You can also ask him random questions, ‘what’s your Myers Briggs Type indicator score?’

As you warm up to each other, you can go off the beaten path and ask questions that are a little less ordinary. ‘What is the craziest thing you have ever done?’ ‘If you could fly anywhere right now, where would you go and why?’

Finally, if everything is progressing well, you can get personal:

  • ‘How is someone like you single?’ This is a great question to find out if he is single while still flirting with him.
  • ‘What’s your idea of perfect date?’ This question gets the guy to talk about himself and think about what a date with you would be like.
  • ‘What kind of a relationship are you looking for?’ This is an excellent question because it lets you know where his head is at.

And this one:

  • ‘Do you like it when girls make the first move?’ This is a perfect question that helps you find out if it is ok to ask him out or wait for him to make a move.

Find common ground

As you listen to the guy, take the opportunity to pick and talk about common interests. The more he feels that you have things in common, the more easily the conversation will move forward.

Remember the guy’s thrill is in the chase. After you have made contact with him, let him work his way into your life.

Do not prolong the conversation. Be coy and shy when saying your goodbye to make it memorable. Also, ensure to take your leave just before things get awkward or boring. Leave him wishing that he spent more time with you.

Let him know clearly that you enjoyed spending time with him and that you look forward to seeing him some other time.

I can’t wait to see you again

Approaching men first is a simple-to-understand yet hard-to-do concept for most women when it's first introduced. But here's the thing. It gives you a great leg up on other single women.

Not only does it help you meet more men, but it also gives you an ability that most women don't have. This translates into meeting men they will never meet.

When I started approaching I found it very hard. In fact, it took me quite a while to ‘get it', but once I did I felt in control of my dating life like I had never done before. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Best of luck and if you have a follow-up question on the topic of ‘should I approach a guy first?' that has not been covered here, then you can contact me here.

How to Flirt with a Guy – The Modern Day Guide to Interacting with Men

How to flirt with a guy - girl and guy at resteraunt sharing a meal

How to flirt with a guy - girl and guy at resteraunt sharing a meal

YOU ARE OUT WITH your friends and an incredibly gorgeous guy catches your eye.

But he is not making a move.

You size him up, and you just have this strong feeling that you would hit it off. . What do you do?

If you still think that sitting there quietly while looking cute, smiling slightly from time to time, will draw the guy to you, get him to take care of everything and show you the time of your life, you are mistaken.

After all, we are in the 21st century. This means that women need to be more proactive in attracting a man.  Take for instance the following myth most women hold onto:

The myth; if a guy likes me, he will come over.

Most women continue to live under the impression that making the first move is exclusively a guy thing.

They believe that if he likes them, he will approach, and if he is not approaching, it’s because he isn’t interested. This is completely untrue. A guy could be attracted to you so much and still not make a move.

Women grossly overestimate male confidence. They assume that all guys find it super easy to approach girls. The reality is that men find approaching much harder than girls could ever realize. Everybody fears embarrassment and rejection.

Did you know: The more a guy is attracted to you, the less likely he is to approach you? The hardest woman for a guy to approach is the one he likes the most. Think about that!

Why do women find it difficult to flirt?

Many girls look at flirtation as an audition for a relationship, and they instantly become afraid of being rejected.

The better way to look at flirting is merely as a way of showing a guy your interest and curiosity and inquiring about his: it is not classless, and it is not desperation.

When you flirt with a man, you are not asking him for marriage and children; you are only telling him that you find him interesting and you would love to spend some time with him.

Did you know: when you do not flirt with a man you like and make it clear, you are more likely to end up in the dreaded friend zone?

Get his attention

The first step is to get the guy’s attention. Make eye contact for a few seconds and then look away.

If you look back at him a few moments later and he is still looking at you, stay locked on his eyes for a short while. Then give him a little smirk and look away again. If you catch his eye the third time, it is all you need to know that he is interested in you.

Note: Keep an eye out of a female companion who might have stepped away to the bathroom before you flirt with the guy.

What if he doesn't approach…?

There are many reasons why men do not approach women they are interested in.

If he doesn't, and you have made eye contact with him then you have a couple of options.

  1. You can move yourself to the edge of your group to give him the invitation to come over to you
  2. You can go to a neutral third place by yourself (i.e. the bar or somewhere else

Should you approach him?

Yes, you can approach him. Although some women think that approaching a guy is quite challenging and sets the wrong mood for the encounter.

The truth is that you will only know the answer to any of your questions (‘What if he finds me weird, aggressive, desperate or slutty?' What will I say to him?') by talking to him.  

By actually talking to him, and if he's not going to approach then you will need to.

If you allow your fears to conquer you, you will let a guy who might be a great date, which could turn into a great relationship simply walk away. Without any chance of knowing what could have happened.

How sad is this! Do not allow the life you could probably have casually drift by.

It is becoming more and more common for women to make the first move. It isn't as taboo as it once was. If he isn't going to approach, and you really want to see what he is like, then go get 'em.

A quick note on how men feel when approached

Men love it. It's an ego boost for them that they very rarely get.

Turn the tables

The reason why women fear flirting with guys is fear of rejection. While this is normal, you can turn the tables.

Instead of wondering whether he will like you, ask yourself:

  • Do I like him?
  • Does he seem interesting?
  • Does he look like someone I would enjoy spending time with?

The reality is that it's your choice. So turn this from being liked to being selective, and you will automatically feel empowered.

Dazzle with conversation

What you say and the questions you ask should be designed to help you get a sense of the guy, while at the same time drawing him out.

Many people think the first conversation you have with someone should be a lot of questions. I disagree. Instead, talk about:

  • The environment you find yourself in
  • The way he is dressed
  • Something completely random
  • Hobbies, passions and habits (as long as they aren't serious)
  • Something that you noticed about him (although keep it very broad, you don't want to come across as a stalker. A good rule for this is to make sure it couldn't be argued. i.e. make a comment on where he is standing, a t-shirt he is wearing etc.)

Keeping it light and fun will help draw him out. This will help you:

  1. Discover who is actually is sooner
  2. Help him build a stronger connection with you sooner
  3. Keep him engaged in the conversation with you

Need his help

Guys love (and need) to feel helpful. Needing the help of a guy is an excellent way to start a conversation.

Here you can ask questions because they lead into experiences and aren't like a job interview. Ask him:

  • To scan the crowd for your friend in a yellow sweater and playfully complain that you are just too short to look yourself
  • What he thinks of where you two are
  • If he can fix something… (your phone is in another language, how did that happen… 🙂
  • Where the bathroom is (if your stuck for something else)

Guys just love to be needed.

Compliment him

Do you see how you use compliments to connect with other women: ‘I love you purse,’ ‘your shoes are gorgeous’………

The same works with men. Everyone wants to be complimented. A guy will be thrilled to know that you find him capable, smart, fascinating, and funny.

As you converse with him, listen to him keenly and give sincere compliments. 

  • Let him know that you agree with something he says
  • Ask him to suggest a book or a restaurant and let him know what you thought
  • Tell him that you find his job or business interesting

Note: Men rarely receive compliments from women. When you give him well thought out compliments, you will stand out, and he will take a second look.

Make plans

You do not want to achieve nothing after all the effort you have made. That is why making plans is a great idea; it gives the conversation a purpose.

It is also a great flirting tactic because it tells the guy that you want to spend some more time with him.

You can subtly introduce plan making by saying, ‘I don't believe you, I think that' something i need to see/hear/witness/experience in person'.

‘You'll have to check it (something you talked about previously) out sometime, i'm there on Thursday evenings'

How to flirt with a guy - girl and guy after workout looking at each other

When making plans, it is best to be specific:

‘See you some other time!’ is not as concrete as, ‘We should go running together.'

A flirtatious encounter should end with making plans because this sets the stage for another meeting.

Flirt with him via text

Many women find it hard to flirt over text messages considering their crush cannot hear their voice or read their body language.

However, there are many advantages to flirting over text.

Firstly, you can take your time to say the perfect thing. Also, you are not under pressure to think of immediate responses as it happens in a face to face conversation. Texts also get him thinking of you when you are not around.

Sending a guy flirting texts allows him to know what is in your mind and opens up the conversation.

First things first: is he interested in you?

Before you begin flirting with a guy via text, you need to check out whether he is at least mildly interested in you.

You will know that your crush is receptive to your flirting if he is responsive, responds to your messages without too much of a lag time and he carries on the conversation.

Message the guy in response to something he has posted

When the guy posts something on social media, take the initiative to send him a direct message instead of passively liking his post.

Let’s say he posts the picture of his dog. You could send him a direct message saying, ‘Your dog is completely adorable. What kind is she?’ Or he posts a video from a concert he attended: you can message him, ‘just saw your video from last night’s concert. I love the band. How were they?’

The key here is to include at least a question in your message so that you can open the door for further conversation.

Ask flirty questions- not job interview questions

Once you get the conversation going, ask interesting questions. The key is to avoid asking questions that will require ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. Your questions should be more specific.

Great questions make him choose, and that choice says something about himself.

instead of asking him, ‘Do you love movies?’ You could ask him, ‘Star Wars or Star Trek?’, ‘Rom Com or Thriller?', ‘Documentary or Drama?'

These dilemma questions make him take a side, and usually defend it. Which is a great way to know more about someone, in a flirty kind of way.

Good topics to explore in the beginning include hobbies, career, and family.

Leading questions

As your conversation and relationship progresses, the questions can lead him. ‘Why are you so cute?’ ‘Our first kiss is going to be epic, don’t you think so?’ ‘What would you do if I asked you to come over? I want to have this conversation in person?’

Be a little suggestive

There are subtle ways you can show interest in a guy over text. For instance, if he says he is eating pizza for dinner, you can say you wish you were eating the pizza instead of whatever you are having.

You can also hint at sexy things without being blatant. If you did not see his message right away, you could tell him you are sorry you missed his message, but you have just got out of the shower.

This does not outright flirt, but it is a sly way of making him think about you in the shower.

Send him picture texts

Picture texts are a fun way to stay engaged with your crush. Saying your dog looks adorable when sleeping can never be as captivating as sending him the real picture.  

Always ensure you look your best in the photos that you send to him. Simley faces, emojis, meme's, and gifs are all handy for composing a witty message and showing your intent.

Open the door to take things off chat

You do not want to remain flirting over text for too long. Fortunately, there are numerous opportunities to subtly hint at taking things a notch higher.

  • Did he say that he bought something for his house; say you would love to see it sometime.
  • Does he talk about his pet all the time; joke that you are confident you would win his dog over in a heartbeat because animals love you.
  • Did he ask you a personal question: indicate that the answer is too long, you will have to tell him in person.
  • Are they screening a move you love: this is a terrific excuse to meet up.

The final thought

The best part about flirting is that you can do it over and over again. Flirting can be a fun game where any guy you see becomes fascinating, and you want to find a little bit more about him.

The more you flirt with gorgeous guys, the more it takes anxiety and pressure out of talking to them. The bonus is that you will live a more vibrant, more fulfilling, fun and exciting life. 

If you've come this far, i'd like to say thanks for reading my guide on how to flirt with a guy – the modern way. You can contact me if you have a comment or question.

How to Attract a Guy and Compel Him to Start Thinking About You

How to attract a guy - girl twirling her hair with guy at bar

How to attract a guy - girl twirling her hair with guy at bar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU HAVE DONE IT ALL… You've:

  • Dressed in soft pastel and feminine colors to make yourself more approachable
  • Smiled a lot in the presence of guys that you are attracted to
  • Tactically run your fingers through your hair delicately, and occasionally twirl strands of your tips around your finger
  • Even licked your lips and looked at the gorgeous guy in front of you under your eyebrow.

And you still didn’t get the guy to show interest. Just what are you doing wrong?

The problem is that all the advice out there about attracting men has been leading you on a wild goose chase. Most of the traditional tips encourage women to concentrate on their physical appearance to attract men.

Unfortunately, this advice treats men as shallow, sexual beings and deprives you of the opportunity to build real romantic connections.

The law of attraction

Not all men are chasing after supermodels and false impressions. Ken Page, the author of Deeper Dating, indicates that men may initially be drawn to you by your physical looks.

But by concentrating on physical appearance alone, you are distracted from cultivating science-based traits that attract love and intimacy.

The good news

The good news is that you probably already possess all the qualities that you need to attract a great guy. The truth is that you have more likely been concentrating on the not so important things…

How you can get a guy attracted to you 

Go to places that make you happy

You cannot hope to attract a great guy and yet you lock yourself at home.

Go to places that make you happy, where men happen to be. Common ground is always the basis for all conversations. Events that have some interesting context make it easier for you to meet guys.

It is hard for a guy to imagine that you have anything in common when he meets you in a mundane place like a bar. But it is easier for him to see that you have a lot in common when you meet in a bar for a fundraiser for kids with autism. Maybe you are both familiar with autism; maybe you have siblings with autism; perhaps you are both volunteers.

Suddenly you have a deeper connection- something real in common.

Sit in a strategic place

Don't stand in the corner. When you are at a social place or occasion, choose a location in a high traffic area or in the center of the room. This allows any guy who would like to talk to you do it as he is just passing or when he is ordering a drink.

Also, ensure you face the main traffic area. This is so that a guy can walk up to your face to face instead of having to tap you on the back.

If you're in a bar, sit at the bar. This is the place that everyone will visit at least once giving you more opportunities to meet someone.

In a coffee shop, sit facing the door and glance up at each person as they come in.

In the street, stroll and be aware of the people around you. Don't be afraid to say hello to the person next to you on the shuttle or while waiting in an elevator.

NOTE: You can find more places to find good men ‘offline' in this article

Be open to the world

Many girls want to attract great guys, and yet they are good at hiding. One example is going shopping when wearing earphones. Earphones are a big, ‘Do not disturb’ sign.

Instead be a girl who reads

Phones and earphones are generally not great conversation starters. Books, on the other hand, make for great conversations.

When a guy sees you engrossed in a book, he is likely to be wondering: ‘What is she reading?’ ‘What other books does she read?’ And you know what, there is only one way to find out!

How to attract a guy - girl sitting on a park bench with guy trying to meet her

Leave a seat open

When a guy wants to meet a new girl, he chooses the path of least resistance.

Is there a seat open next to you or does he have to ask you to move your coat and purse? As such, sit in the middle of an empty church pew or one of two open bar stools.

When you leave some space, you somehow communicate that you are willing to talk to people and you are open to companionship. Sitting at the farthest tucked away corner gives the impression that you are not inviting an approach.

Stand out

Whether you are walking, standing or seated, you must distinguish yourself from the others.

Wherever you are, own your space. Do not give any impression of discomfort: downcast eyes, self-hugging. Be in the present, be at ease and keep your chin up. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who owns her space and is comfortable in her skin.

Also, have fun and be genuinely happy. This automatically makes you more attractive to men. No man wants to be around a woman who is bored or agitated.

Body language

What does your body language communicate? Body language is an essential element that shapes the way a man sees you.

Are your hands relaxed or clenched? Tense hands express that you are an unhappy, stubborn person. Exposed wrists and open palms, on the other hand, project a more welcoming aura.  

A beautiful posture is one of the things that will fascinate a man. A quality man will have nothing to do with a woman who slouches. He considers her lazy, and this is a real turn off. When you are walking, ensure your stride is relaxed. This gives you presence and charisma.

While at it, do not forget eye contact and your beautiful smile. A study by the University of Missouri indicated that a woman sitting in a bar was approached by guys 20% of the time when she made eye contact with them. However, when she paired eye contact with her smile, she increased the success rate by 60%.

Be kind

Does this come as a surprise? A study by the University of Texas at Austin revealed that kindness was one of the most desired traits in a partner by men. Apparently, men associate kindness with interest in a long-term relationship and empathy in rearing children.

Small gestures that show your affection rank big with a man: Helping others, taking care of things, letting the other person order first, being polite to the server: all these tap into your nurturing element that shows him that you are a truly decent person.

A positive attitude

Research shows that positive personality traits impact perceptions of physical attractiveness.

Experts say that men are attracted to pleasant, positive and cheerful personalities in women. Guys associate these positive personality traits with not only physical attraction but also, a higher social attraction which is a major factor when a man is choosing a life partner.

Your vibe can take you from simply looking hot to being irresistible to men. Complaining, arguing, criticizing, ridiculing, bullying, condescending others: all these make you unattractive and repel men. Ultimately a man will judge you based on how he is likely to feel when he is with you. Female happiness is an aphrodisiac to men.

When you have his attention…

When you have caught the attention of your guy, let him make the next move.

There is nothing that thrills a man than chasing and getting a woman. So you must make it possible for him to chase you: Do not be easy and do not be impossible, either.

Any time you say no to something, give him enough hints to show him that you like him. However, do not string him along for too long; otherwise, he will lose interest.

Finally…

Always ensure that the guy has a good time when he is with you. If time with you feels good, he will come back for more. If it is fun and exciting, you will become the most important person in his life.

 

Thanks for reading this guide on how to attract a guy. You can contact me here if you have any questions or comments.