The Concise Guide to the Types of Boundaries in Relationships

Types of Boundaries in a relationship - Man and Woman early on in relationship

YOU OBEY BOUNDARIES EVERY DAY…

  • Driving in your lane
  • Obeying the limits that are marked by your colleagues' desks or cubicles
  • Maintaining a respectable distance in a queue

Yet many of us think that boundaries are unnecessary and even offensive in a romantic relationship?

Many girls do not set boundaries in their relationships.

Instead they think their partner should be able to anticipate their wants and needs. Some even fear that boundaries will interfere with the romance and spontaneity of the relationship. Others feel that boundaries are downright callous.

Why you should set boundaries with your new boyfriend

A healthy relationship, like every other area of your life, requires boundaries. Boundaries define responsibility in the relationship and create natural limits. These limits work to your mutual benefit since the overall expectations are clearly worked out.

Boundaries are also essential for eliminating blame in the relationship. According to clinical psychologist, Ryan Howes, clear boundaries determine where you end, and your partner begins. When you are both clear on which responsibilities are yours and which ones are his, you have less conflict and fewer misunderstandings.

Boundaries communicate your tolerances to each other. You and your partner have different emotional thresholds. When you set boundaries, you are letting your boyfriend know there are certain things you will not tolerate: being lied to, shouted at, being silenced or mistreated. Limits make more healthy and peaceful relationships.

Not all men are going to have the same values as you so it’s important to get it right from the start.

When you don’t set boundaries

You cannot hope to be a woman of high self-esteem as you mourn the behavior of a man who is crossing boundaries and treating you indecently. Failure to set limits means that you will have to deal with:

  • Messy habits
  • Jealous spying
  • Broken promises
  • Dangerous lifestyle: alcohol or drug abuse
  • Angry behavior
  • Oppression and resentment
  • Power struggles

If you do not believe in boundaries and accept anything and everything, the problems that may arise in future are yours, not your boyfriend’s.

New boyfriends and relationships

The core determinant when establishing patterns of behavior in your relationship is acceptance and rejection. Boundaries help you to clearly communicate with your boyfriend what things you accept and which ones you reject. If you don’t do one, you do the other.

Sexual expression

You and your boyfriend will have some different ideas about sex. For (a very simplistic) example:

  • You may like sex in the morning while he enjoys it in the evening
  • He may love sex in odd places while you may enjoy sex more in the comfort of your home
  • You may be wild, he may like it slow and sensual

The point is, if you and your boyfriend don’t know where your sexual boundaries lie, one of you will spend their time in the relationship faking sexual satisfaction.

Determine your sexual needs and preferences as well as how much wiggle room for adventure exists within your relationship.

Violating sexual boundaries in a relationship is not just unhealthy, it can be abusive.

Money

There's typically no more of a sensitive topic in any relationship. Money is super powerful and can turn a good relationship sour. Your incomes, spending methods, saving patterns: all these could bring some significant trust issues in the relationship.

You and your boyfriend should regularly sit down and discuss financial boundaries. The easiest one i’d recommend is:

‘What dollar figure is the limit that we need to discuss together before we decide to buy  or not buy it?’

It is also important to decide how you will spend your money, create a budget, and be on the same page where financial goals are concerned.

But this one question above is easy to understand and get the message across that money is a shared topic.

You are a team, and you must operate as such to be successful in your relationship.

Discussing financial boundaries is not an expectancy of a failed relationship; it is a matter of convenience which will help you avoid sticky entanglements later in the relationship.

How you will settle disagreements

There is conflict in all relationships.

If you adequately address how you will fight in your relationship, you can quickly solve all your problems. According to Psychology Today, conflicts and arguments do not necessarily jeopardize your relationship.

Indeed, there are times when disagreements can bring you and your boyfriend together. The key is how you and your boyfriend decide to handle your conflict.

Do you:

  • Give the silent treatment?
  • Laugh when there is conflict?
  • Make underhanded comments?
  • Get the person out of your physical space?

Once you are aware of how you both handle conflict, then you can set up a rule in advance (when you are both more level headed). I.e. If i give the silent treatment for 2 days, tell me that i’m being silly and the point has been made.)

Conflicts, when mishandled can ultimately break the relationship up. Work together with your boyfriend to determine the appropriate way for you to deal with anger and how you will treat each other when you are upset.

Social media

Social media has completely permeated romantic relationships. Jordan Gray, a sex and dating coach, indicates that, of late, relationships’ therapy sessions are filled with stories about social media interference with relationships: snooping in partners’ Facebook accounts, a lot of suspicions; anger when partners follow their exes on Instagram.

A survey by Pew Research Center in 2014 revealed that 45% of the respondents said that their social media account had a major impact on their relationships.

You may be hesitant to discuss boundaries on social media usage since you may think that social media is too frivolous to argue over. However, you must realize that social media stirs up real feelings, and those feelings matter. As such, agree with your boyfriend on:

  • How to prioritize quality time together without social media
  • What you should and should not post.
  • To what extent you should engage your exes online.

How you spend your time

Your relationship will thrive when you spend quality time together – and also separately. You, therefore, need to set boundaries on how you will not only spend time together but also have some solo time scheduled with friends and family.

If you do not set up time boundaries in your relationship, you will have problems in your relationship and also in the relationships with your family and friends. Talk with your partner about your expectations for time together and time alone, and you will have a more fulfilling relationship.

Reaching the limits

As we conclude, bear in mind that the concept of boundaries may be unnatural to your boyfriend. Therefore, to make your boundaries efficient:

  • Be firm, yet kind

Do not be mean or hurtful when you set a boundary. The more you approach the boundary conversation with love and compassion, the better the conversation will go.

  • Be consistent

Once you set a boundary, do not dismiss it or ignore it. When you undermine the boundaries, you will have taught your boyfriend to disrespect them too. As such, stand behind your words at all times.

In Summary…

Lastly, remember that boundaries are not static. The types of boundaries in relationships can change as your relationship progresses or as you find out more information about each other.

Feel free to revisit the boundaries when the need arises.

How to Get out of the Friend Zone with a Guy

How to get out of the friend zone with a guy - girl staring at guy at resteraunt
How to get out of the friend zone with a guy - girl staring at guy at resteraunt

EVERYTHING IS PERFECT, EXCEPT you have developed intense feelings for him.

If only you could make him see things the same as you

So how do you make him realize that the two of you would be good together? How can you become more than friends and get out of the friend zone?

Why were you friend zoned?

Which one are you?

The mother figure

Many women become friend zoned because they mother the guy. You become a shoulder to cry on for a guy; and what happens? He friend zones you and moves on to marry the next girl. Being a guy’s confidante (without him being attracted to you first) is the most definite way to get into the friend zone.

He will never date you as long as he sees you as a mother and not a potential mate.  

The maid

Many women think that when they do everything for a man, he will like them more. The reality is that this only kills the attraction. When you work very hard to become a guy’s best friend, while your intention may be to be romantic with him, the opposite happens: You depolarize yourself from him.

The dominatrix

Some women (who have read bad books like ‘the rules') think that treating men mean is a good way get them interested. It isn't.

In fact, this only works with guys who have low self-esteem and generally aren't the guys you want. Good men don't want to be treated like a doormat. If you have been putting him down in front of his friends (even playfully) then this is you.

The woman in the background

This is more common than you might think. You may simply have not aroused his curiosity enough to notice you. And if he hasn't noticed you then he hasn't thought about you as a potential girlfriend.

How to get out of the friend zone

Many think that once they are in the friend zone, they are in it for life. This is completely untrue.

You are in the friend zone because there are things you are inadvertently doing that are keeping you there; you put yourself there. Fortunately, there are things you can start doing this very minute to dig yourself out of this dreaded place.

Figure out how the guy sees you

When the man that you love looks at you, what he sees in you is not girlfriend material. Honestly examining how he sees you is essential. If he sees you as a therapist or a sibling, you have no hope of building a romantic relationship with him.

So how does the guy see you?

Again you might think that you are this incredible, sexy woman, but the guy doesn’t see any sexiness when he looks at you. Take a step back and ask yourself:

  • Are you always listening to the guy’s problems?
  • Are you always ready to make brownies when he has had a tough day?
  • Does he always let you lead the conversation and/or activity?
  • Are you available to the extent that he is taking you for granted?
  • Do you always agree to meet every time he asks to hang out?
  • Does he consider you sexy or does he relate to you as he does with the guy next door?
  • Does he know much about you other than your name?

When you see yourself through the guy’s eyes, it is a great way to see things in a whole different light. Change the role you are playing, and you will be climbing out of the friend zone in no time.

Revamp your look

You do not have to change your look entirely to win over the guy. But, if you want the man to see you as more than a friend, you have to sex it up a bit. When you are with him, dress as you would when you are going out with your girls, or on a hot date with a hot sexy guy.

You have been dressing for comfort around the man; after all, you are good friends. Your aim going forward should be to feel sexy and confident when you are with him. If your appearance been too platonic, this automatically disqualifies you as a romantic partner.

So, reinvent yourself:

  • Change your wardrobe. Choose clothes that are contrary to the fashion that he has come to associate with you.
  • Start getting into better shape and wow him. You don’t have to be perfect but just starting to transform before his eyes will make him notice you.
  • Change your hairstyle and makeup styles adopt those that make you more appealing.
  • Focus on making the people around you happy. This is an extremely attractive quality to men that goes unnoticed by women.

Breakaway

The problem is that he sees you all the time. How does he even know what he is missing? If you want the guy to value you, you have to take a break from him. With a little distance, there is a chance that he will miss you and realize what you have to offer.

Giving yourself a break helps reset your relationship changes the dynamics. (Not a great example but think ‘old you' and now ‘new you')

This includes phone calls, texting and other communication. You can make an excuse if you want to (visiting family). If he does text you listen in a friendly manner then exit the conversation politely.

Have your own life

It is not enough to give your boyfriend some space but is also crucial that you have your own life. You only have one life, and you should not put it on hold for anyone. Also, the more you go out there and do the things you love, the more you will feel and look better and the more you will be more attractive.

When you are fixated on your attraction for the guy, you give off a needy vibe and neediness is anything but sexy.

Get passionate about something

Take up something that you are passionate about or start advancing your career. You will busier, less accessible and you will be more attractive.

More importantly, having a more exciting life will make you feel more confident and prevent you from making the mistake of building your life around your loneliness. You will no longer look to the guy to fill an emotional void; you will just prefer him, not need him.

Let him chase you

By now the dynamic has changed. You are no longer chasing the man. You are much more attractive than the previous girl who needed to hold his hand through life.  

Since you are less available, the guy will start feeling like he could lose you. Do not do much to reassure him. Leave him room to pursue you.

Men want to feel like winners

When you give the guy an opportunity to win you by stepping back, he will rise to the challenge and pursue you. And the opposite is also true. If you are in his face all the time, you will seem too easy to get: you will never be a prize.

You will only make it entirely impossible for him to realize how valuable you are and he will always take you for granted.

Get in touch with your femininity

Men like women. So you need to use this to your advantage. Wear dresses, skirts, flirt with him and let him know that you need his manly muscles for things.

You will make him feel needed, wanted, and like a man. Which will draw him to you

This leads me to my final thought

It is essential that you keep your options open. You may not want to hear this, but what if he is not ready for a relationship at all, or he is not attracted to you that way?

If you keep waiting for him to see the romantic potential between the two of you, you might waste all your time fixating on a man who will never fill that role and lose out on time you could have spent meeting an incredible man. Tying yourself up with a possible relationship and closing off every other option is just not wise.

The very final thought, I promise:

If you do not cut the umbilical cord, you will keep investing in a guy, who, all he will ever do is unload his personal issues on you. One day you will look back with bitterness and regret. Make a decision to get out of the friend zone today; no matter what the outcome could be!

The Top 10 Best Dating Books For Women (Searching For Mr Right)

Top 10 Best Dating Books - Woman reading book with love interest

Top 10 Best Dating Books - Woman reading book with love interest

WHERE DO YOU GO FOR ADVICE when you're out of ideas and you've tried (or refused to try) everything your girlfriends have suggested…?

Dating books and guides aren't all created equal. In fact, there are many out there that give some pretty bad advice…

I couldn't believe my eyes when I once read a ‘tip' on how to create a fake Facebook account to make a guy jealous… That's the type of advice that you want to avoid.

So here are my filtered-for-rubbish top 10 best dating book picks. I have chosen each one for two reasons:

  1. They are written by real experts and contain good solid advice
  2. They're a little different from the others

Enjoy

1. His Secret Obsession – James Bauer

Best dating books for women - his secret obsession

Discover a man's innermost desire

Ever wondered why men do what they do, and make the choices that they make?

The weird part about it is, that 99.9% of men don’t even know this themselves. (I didn’t before I read through this book).

The answer lies in the male ‘primal drives'. And when you learn to work with them instead of against them, you can give him what he wants, and get what you want at the same time

And it can be as easy as simply changing your language or how you ask for things

I recommend this book to any woman wanting to have better relationships with men. If you only read one of the following best dating books, then it must be this one!

Get your copy of His Secret Obsession here or read a more detailed review (I did for another site) here

Pros Cons
Information is fantastic and explained well A little more expensive than other books
Audiobook and bonuses included The author is a little rude sometimes (I think unknowingly)

2. He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys – Greg Behrendt


The book behind the movie

You know those cliche lines that men say when you want to have a relationship…

  • “I don't want to get hurt again”
  • “Let's not ruin the friendship”
  • “I'm not ready I just got out of a relationship with a bad break up”

Greg Behrendt says these are all different ways of saying that He's Just Not That Into You

This book focuses on weeding out the guys that you meet that aren't that interested, so you can spend more time with the one that is

It's well reviewed in fact, many say the book is mandatory reading for single women…

Read more detailed reviews and get your copy of He's Just Not That Into You here

Pros Cons
Well written and easy to understand Niche topic
Audiobook available Book's simplistic approach may not always be appropriate in life

3. Text the Romance Back – Michael Fiore

Best dating books for women - text the romance back

Having trouble getting and keeping his attention?

Question: How much can you make a man think about you via a simple text?

Answer: You’d be surprised. You can make him obsessed

This concise book goes through 8 different types of text messages that reach in and speak to the core of any man. Leaving him thinking about you.

You can even use them with a guy you’ve only recently met to help amp up the attraction or to move things along if you're further along in a relationship.

Well worth the read. A guide focused on turning your mobile phone into a remote control.

Get your copy of Text the Romance Back here or read a more detailed review here.

Pros Cons
Done for you texts that show you how he likes to be talked to Michael Fiore is not for everyone
Audiobook and bonuses included Only one focus in the book, the start of conversations

4. All the Rules – Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

A refreshingly blunt approach to relationships

Filled with common sense suggestions, hilarious anecdotes, and a wealth of valuable information, All the Rules is written to build your sense of self-confidence around relationships

This open-and-honest guide reveals the real rules of the game, along with the many dos and don'ts of having a successful relationships

In it, you will learn how to accept the fact you aren't always going to win, and how to move on when it's over. You will also learn about how to get him to treat you with dignity and respect

All the Rules will help you take you into the committed relationship you deserve. A must read for any woman from 18 to 80 who is looking to find the man of her dreams.

Get your copy of All the Rules here

Pros Cons
Fun and easy to read Information is a bit dated
Prepares you for the real world of dating and relationships Some of the information is very sexist in nature

5. The Devotion System – Amy North

Dating books for women - the devotion system

Ever wondered how some women keep men, while others don't…?

Amy North reveals that keeping a man is not a secret or some special thing that is reserved only for some women. It’s that these women know what to do to keep a man devoted

This book is jam-packed full of practical information about relationships, as well as targeted sections about attracting and keeping your dream guy

It includes three main sections, general relationship information, what makes men tick and how the stages of love differ and how to act in each one to keep him ‘on the hook’

You can expect to recognize some male behaviors and understand the relationship dynamic better after reading this book

It’s a great option if you want a broad education about men and relationships

You can visit the Devotion System website here or read a detailed review of the book here

Pros Cons
Detailed and comprehensive Author preaches a bit
Easy to navigate A little dense with information

6. Never Chase Men Again – Bruce Bryans

38 hot secrets to help you score your dream guy

Tired of dating those guys who only seem to want one thing. ..?

You know the guys that wine and dine you as long as you keep things on a shallow level, but as soon as you start acting like you want to take things a little further, run for the hills?

Read all about keeping your man interested by doing that “one thing” most women are scared to death of doing once they find the right guy.

You will learn how to reject a man's undesirable behaviors and get him to take you seriously or hit the road

Most importantly learn how you can be in charge of the relationship without making it look that way and get rid of the deadwood before it starts piling up in your firebox.

Get your copy of Never Chase Men Again here

Pros Cons
Goes past the shallow relationship and to the real deal Fails to deliver anything new
Teaches you while making you laugh along the way Some feel it tells women how to change in order for men to like them

7. He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time – Bruce Bryans

40 games guys play when they are just passing the time with you

The next time a guy tells you he has “commitment issue,” what he is really trying to say, is that he really isn't that interested in you

There can be many reasons why a guy might suddenly pull away from a relationship as things start to get serious. But chances are good, that it all still boils down to the same thing

He was never that interested in you in the first place

This book will give you a better understanding of how to skip past the losers and find a winner. The one who isn't afraid to make a commitment. The one person who is ready to spend the rest of their life with you

By the time you have reached the end, you will be ready to get out there, see the signals for yourself and find your Mr. Right!

Get your copy of He's Not That Interested, He's Just Passing Time here

Pros Cons
Good basic information Book tends to point every situation in the same direction
Concise and well written Experienced daters may find boring

7. How to Kiss a Man to Make Him Fall In Love – Michael Fiore

How you kiss him can keep him from pulling away

Kissing is really the gateway to the physical side of any relationship. So if you don't get it right, it can really stimy the relationship…

It can even put off a great guy because he thinks your not good at the ‘physical stuff'

In this book, Michael Fiore answers some of the most common questions around kissing and ‘getting physical', including:

  • What kissing actually means to men
  • How men secretly yearn to kiss and be kissed
  • How to get him to let down his shields
  • Where you should focus your attention to get him to make the first move

If that barrier between flirting and getting physical with a man seems to be the barrier in your relationship(s) then this is the book for you

The video on the website has some great tips as well. You can get to the How to Kiss a Man to Make Him Fall in Love website here

Pros Cons
Practical advice in an easy-to-read book Not everyone likes the way Michael Fiore writes/reads
Audiobook and a few bonuses included Very niche, won't help everyone

8. Men Don't Love Women Like You! – G.L. Lambert

For those who have been made to feel unappreciated or “less than.”

G.L. Lambert says that in the world of relationships there are the sheep, and then there are the wolves. If you are a sheep, then you are just hanging out with the shepherd until the wolf comes along and steals him away.

In this book, you learn how to become ‘the wolf.' The type of woman who every man truly wants in his life, not just his “bit on the side.”

Lambert teaches you to become an empowered woman, one who is in charge of her relationships and her destiny

A side note is that Men Don't Love Women Like You! Is a 2018 Gold Medal E-Lit Awards Winner!

You can get your copy here

Pros Cons
Learn how to take control Very graphic with lots of F-bombs
The text is blunt and cuts right to the point Text tends to talk in circles over and again

9. To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man – Gregg Michaelsen

Who says it's impossible to figure guys out?

Just as much as men say you can't understand women; most women admit they don't understand men any better.

In this great book, you will learn how to put yourself in “Man Mode.” When in this mode, you will be able to operate and think on his level just like his buddies do.

This book will show you:

  • What influences a man as he grows up
  • How he falls in love
  • What he considers to be a “Keeper”
  • How to increase your “value” as a woman of substance (not just a fling)
  • An easy way to deal with baggage (yours and his)
  • How to attract the right guy and a test to make sure he is
  • How to pick out the idiots that should be dumped to the curb before you invest too much time in them
  • All about the “secret” language used in relationships

When you are done with this book, you will have a much better idea of why men do what they do.

Get your copy of To Date a Man, You Must Understand A Man here

Pros Cons
Learn all the tricks of the trade to sort the wheat from the chaff Lots of crude language used throughout
Learn what is the guy's fault and what might be yours and what to do about it Simplistic in nature and often offensive

10. Language of Desire – Felicity Keith (NSFW)

Language of Desire

All a man wants is sex right…?

Well as a man I can tell you it’s not everything, but it is a major thing. And it never fails to get a mans attention.

So what if you could use sex, to get his attention, not in a slutty way but in a way that will captivate him, and let him know you are serious

This book is about getting what you want, by giving him what he wants.

Language of Desire gives insights like:

  • What porn companies do to keep a man's attention, and have him coming back (it isn’t just sexual)
  • How to get what you want from him, by giving him what he wants
  • What to do to create a loyalty so strong that you're basically stamping your name on his forehead

Written by a regular ‘desperate housewife’, this book is an education that you wouldn’t have had, and won't get anywhere else.

Get your copy of Language of Desire here or read a detailed review here. Note that it includes an audiobook and bonuses

Pros Cons
It's real. Felicity is easy to relate to and understand Explicit language and themes, which won't suit everyone
Done for you things to say and do to get the ball rolling The audiobook sounds like it was read over the telephone

The Final Word

I always found it funny that in our culture, we study for years to get a job we will be in for 40 years or so.

But people find it difficult to get advice on their dating lives and be seen with a book on ‘how to meet someone'.

These dating books and guides are like your learner plates or trainee badge. Everyone goes through a stage like this… we just don't all let the people we know, know about it.

Thanks for reading my top 10 picks of the best dating books and guides. I hope you have found something useful. If you have a question, contact me here.

“Should I Approach A Guy First?” – How to Take Control of Your Dating Life Without Looking Desperate

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman deciding should she approach the man

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman deciding should she approach the man

THE CRUSH… BOTH THRILLING AND TERRIFYING

Wouldn't it be great if he at least knew how you felt! Too bad, you cannot approach him and tell him…

But, wait a minute!

Who says that you have to wait for that cute guy to come over and talk to you first?

While traditional gender roles have for a long time suggested that men should be the aggressors, women are becoming bolder, going after what they want and getting it.

Women have realized that some guys can be just as nervous and shy as them. As such, helping the guy out a bit and meeting him halfway is not just a good idea, but an excellent strategy for taking control of your dating life.

Get over your fear

Many women find it hard to never muster enough courage to go over to talk to a guy. However, if you consider the benefits of approaching the guy you like, they will override your fears.

Making the first move to talk to a guy not only gives you an opportunity to get to know him better, but you will also impress him with your boldness.

Approaching a guy also gives you an advantage over other women who might also like the same guy. It shows you are confident and you use your initiative. Which are two things good men like in women.

Confidence hacks

Overcome your anxiety and nerves by reminding yourself that your crush has his flaws and insecurities. Bring him back down to earth in your mind, and you will find it a lot easier to initiate a conversation with him.

Do not allow your fear to hold you back from going after what you want. If you are wondering what to say to a guy you just met, here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Check his ‘crushability'

Before you initiate anything, you need to be sure that this guy is worthy of your attraction.

Sometimes, you can be attracted to a guy and approach him, but ten minutes in his presence, and he utterly repulses you. If you are not in a position to ask someone about the guy, all you have to do is observe.

How is he behaving around his friends? How is he treating people that are not probably as popular as he is, for instance, the waiters? Is he nice or is he a jerk? Be sure he is a nice guy before you make any move.

Figure out the best time to approach.

When it comes to approaching a guy, timing is everything. Not so much on your side, but on his side. See the longer you leave it, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of it.

Mel Robbins talks about how you have 5 seconds to take action in the video below.

The typical excuses

Some of the excuses that we tell ourselves are:

His friends

It might be a bit intimidating to approach him while his buddies surround him, but it also shows great confidence. He will enjoy it.

The place

Sometimes we can think there are social rules that include do not approach someone for certain places. Like the train, library, church and wherever else.

These only really exist in our minds. Most people there simply don't care what you do, as long as your not hurting someone else. They will more likely be cheering you on.

The time

It's too early to meet the man of your dreams? Oh, I guess you will never meet him. Come on listen to yourself here, this one is silly!

There's no excuse good enough

As you can see there isn't really any excuse good enough. But your brain will try to stop you because it thinks it's protecting you. This is an old reaction that we have in our brains that some people never overcome.

Here is a longer clip with an interview with Mel Robbins who has more information on this topic. Well worth a watch.

Let's do it – How to approach confidently – when you are not confident

Make eye contact, smile and approach

First, make eye contact and smile at your crush. Pay attention to his response. Does he smile back? If you feel that this has gone well, it is time for the approach.

Sometimes, all a man needs to open up to you is to know that you are interested in him. If you appear pleasant and approachable, a man who likes you will be more open to having a conversation with you.

One of the biggest problem you may face when striking a conversation with a guy you just met, and more so the one you like is the awkward silence. It is not enough to initiate a conversation; you need to ensure it is the right conversation.

3 ways you can start the conversation

Ask for his help

Bringing out a guy’s protective instinct will make him feel more connected to you. Depend on the guy for something: carrying for you a few books because they are too heavy; walking you down the street because it is dark. Ask him for directions or time.

Men love to feel needed and helpful. So, find a reason to need his assistance. After he has helped you, thank him for his help and offer to buy him coffee to express your appreciation.

Compliment him

Compliments always bring two people closer. No one is unreceptive to a sincere compliment. If you genuinely feel that there is something worth complimenting about a guy, tell him about it.

Be specific: tell him how cute his shoes are, or how well he has put his entire look together. Tell him he has a gorgeous smile or that his dimples give him a boyish charm that you find adorable. If he finds you equally attractive, he may respond with a few compliments of his own, and you will have broken the ice.

Tease the guy

To spice up the conversation, tease the guy a bit. You can tease him by pointing out a cheesy line he uses during your conversation. ‘Oh! Did you think you won me over?’ Or, you could look at the clean-shaven head and tell him, ‘You would look great with a huge blue Mohawk. It would bring out the gorgeous blue in your eyes’.

Suggesting an extreme makeover for a guy you have just met is excellent for that feeling of instant connectedness. It is also a way of complimenting him without being too serious. And it can work with clothes too. Suggest a pair of tight white flairs and see him smile.

You can also result in a competitive tease. Pick something that he says he is good at and challenge him to it. The good thing is that you don’t even have to be good at it. If you beat him, he will be impressed and if you lose he will bask in the glory of comforting you. ‘So you think you are good at pool? Let’s see how good you think you are after a game with me!’

Caution: Do not get too competitive. No guy likes a boastful woman.

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman and Man talking over wine

After the first 2 minutes

Move the conversation

If you have been talking for a while it can be a good idea to move

  • Let's go and get a drink
  • You have to meet my friend
  • You have to see this
  • Etc.

These can get your guy to move so you can have more of an intimate conversation

Ask him questions

When you are in the middle of a conversation with the guy, get him to speak about himself. Start with general questions and only ask personal ones as the conversation progresses.

If you are attending a function, ask him how he knows the host or why he is there. You can also ask him random questions, ‘what’s your Myers Briggs Type indicator score?’

As you warm up to each other, you can go off the beaten path and ask questions that are a little less ordinary. ‘What is the craziest thing you have ever done?’ ‘If you could fly anywhere right now, where would you go and why?’

Finally, if everything is progressing well, you can get personal:

  • ‘How is someone like you single?’ This is a great question to find out if he is single while still flirting with him.
  • ‘What’s your idea of perfect date?’ This question gets the guy to talk about himself and think about what a date with you would be like.
  • ‘What kind of a relationship are you looking for?’ This is an excellent question because it lets you know where his head is at.

And this one:

  • ‘Do you like it when girls make the first move?’ This is a perfect question that helps you find out if it is ok to ask him out or wait for him to make a move.

Find common ground

As you listen to the guy, take the opportunity to pick and talk about common interests. The more he feels that you have things in common, the more easily the conversation will move forward.

Remember the guy’s thrill is in the chase. After you have made contact with him, let him work his way into your life.

Do not prolong the conversation. Be coy and shy when saying your goodbye to make it memorable. Also, ensure to take your leave just before things get awkward or boring. Leave him wishing that he spent more time with you.

Let him know clearly that you enjoyed spending time with him and that you look forward to seeing him some other time.

I can’t wait to see you again

Approaching men first is a simple-to-understand yet hard-to-do concept for most women when it's first introduced. But here's the thing. It gives you a great leg up on other single women.

Not only does it help you meet more men, but it also gives you an ability that most women don't have. This translates into meeting men they will never meet.

When I started approaching I found it very hard. In fact, it took me quite a while to ‘get it', but once I did I felt in control of my dating life like I had never done before. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Best of luck and if you have a follow-up question on the topic of ‘should I approach a guy first?' that has not been covered here, then you can contact me here.

How to Flirt with a Guy – The Modern Day Guide to Interacting with Men

How to flirt with a guy - girl and guy at resteraunt sharing a meal

How to flirt with a guy - girl and guy at resteraunt sharing a meal

YOU ARE OUT WITH your friends and an incredibly gorgeous guy catches your eye.

But he is not making a move.

You size him up, and you just have this strong feeling that you would hit it off. . What do you do?

If you still think that sitting there quietly while looking cute, smiling slightly from time to time, will draw the guy to you, get him to take care of everything and show you the time of your life, you are mistaken.

After all, we are in the 21st century. This means that women need to be more proactive in attracting a man.  Take for instance the following myth most women hold onto:

The myth; if a guy likes me, he will come over.

Most women continue to live under the impression that making the first move is exclusively a guy thing.

They believe that if he likes them, he will approach, and if he is not approaching, it’s because he isn’t interested. This is completely untrue. A guy could be attracted to you so much and still not make a move.

Women grossly overestimate male confidence. They assume that all guys find it super easy to approach girls. The reality is that men find approaching much harder than girls could ever realize. Everybody fears embarrassment and rejection.

Did you know: The more a guy is attracted to you, the less likely he is to approach you? The hardest woman for a guy to approach is the one he likes the most. Think about that!

Why do women find it difficult to flirt?

Many girls look at flirtation as an audition for a relationship, and they instantly become afraid of being rejected.

The better way to look at flirting is merely as a way of showing a guy your interest and curiosity and inquiring about his: it is not classless, and it is not desperation.

When you flirt with a man, you are not asking him for marriage and children; you are only telling him that you find him interesting and you would love to spend some time with him.

Did you know: when you do not flirt with a man you like and make it clear, you are more likely to end up in the dreaded friend zone?

Get his attention

The first step is to get the guy’s attention. Make eye contact for a few seconds and then look away.

If you look back at him a few moments later and he is still looking at you, stay locked on his eyes for a short while. Then give him a little smirk and look away again. If you catch his eye the third time, it is all you need to know that he is interested in you.

Note: Keep an eye out of a female companion who might have stepped away to the bathroom before you flirt with the guy.

What if he doesn't approach…?

There are many reasons why men do not approach women they are interested in.

If he doesn't, and you have made eye contact with him then you have a couple of options.

  1. You can move yourself to the edge of your group to give him the invitation to come over to you
  2. You can go to a neutral third place by yourself (i.e. the bar or somewhere else

Should you approach him?

Yes, you can approach him. Although some women think that approaching a guy is quite challenging and sets the wrong mood for the encounter.

The truth is that you will only know the answer to any of your questions (‘What if he finds me weird, aggressive, desperate or slutty?' What will I say to him?') by talking to him.  

By actually talking to him, and if he's not going to approach then you will need to.

If you allow your fears to conquer you, you will let a guy who might be a great date, which could turn into a great relationship simply walk away. Without any chance of knowing what could have happened.

How sad is this! Do not allow the life you could probably have casually drift by.

It is becoming more and more common for women to make the first move. It isn't as taboo as it once was. If he isn't going to approach, and you really want to see what he is like, then go get 'em.

A quick note on how men feel when approached

Men love it. It's an ego boost for them that they very rarely get.

Turn the tables

The reason why women fear flirting with guys is fear of rejection. While this is normal, you can turn the tables.

Instead of wondering whether he will like you, ask yourself:

  • Do I like him?
  • Does he seem interesting?
  • Does he look like someone I would enjoy spending time with?

The reality is that it's your choice. So turn this from being liked to being selective, and you will automatically feel empowered.

Dazzle with conversation

What you say and the questions you ask should be designed to help you get a sense of the guy, while at the same time drawing him out.

Many people think the first conversation you have with someone should be a lot of questions. I disagree. Instead, talk about:

  • The environment you find yourself in
  • The way he is dressed
  • Something completely random
  • Hobbies, passions and habits (as long as they aren't serious)
  • Something that you noticed about him (although keep it very broad, you don't want to come across as a stalker. A good rule for this is to make sure it couldn't be argued. i.e. make a comment on where he is standing, a t-shirt he is wearing etc.)

Keeping it light and fun will help draw him out. This will help you:

  1. Discover who is actually is sooner
  2. Help him build a stronger connection with you sooner
  3. Keep him engaged in the conversation with you

Need his help

Guys love (and need) to feel helpful. Needing the help of a guy is an excellent way to start a conversation.

Here you can ask questions because they lead into experiences and aren't like a job interview. Ask him:

  • To scan the crowd for your friend in a yellow sweater and playfully complain that you are just too short to look yourself
  • What he thinks of where you two are
  • If he can fix something… (your phone is in another language, how did that happen… 🙂
  • Where the bathroom is (if your stuck for something else)

Guys just love to be needed.

Compliment him

Do you see how you use compliments to connect with other women: ‘I love you purse,’ ‘your shoes are gorgeous’………

The same works with men. Everyone wants to be complimented. A guy will be thrilled to know that you find him capable, smart, fascinating, and funny.

As you converse with him, listen to him keenly and give sincere compliments. 

  • Let him know that you agree with something he says
  • Ask him to suggest a book or a restaurant and let him know what you thought
  • Tell him that you find his job or business interesting

Note: Men rarely receive compliments from women. When you give him well thought out compliments, you will stand out, and he will take a second look.

Make plans

You do not want to achieve nothing after all the effort you have made. That is why making plans is a great idea; it gives the conversation a purpose.

It is also a great flirting tactic because it tells the guy that you want to spend some more time with him.

You can subtly introduce plan making by saying, ‘I don't believe you, I think that' something i need to see/hear/witness/experience in person'.

‘You'll have to check it (something you talked about previously) out sometime, i'm there on Thursday evenings'

How to flirt with a guy - girl and guy after workout looking at each other

When making plans, it is best to be specific:

‘See you some other time!’ is not as concrete as, ‘We should go running together.'

A flirtatious encounter should end with making plans because this sets the stage for another meeting.

Flirt with him via text

Many women find it hard to flirt over text messages considering their crush cannot hear their voice or read their body language.

However, there are many advantages to flirting over text.

Firstly, you can take your time to say the perfect thing. Also, you are not under pressure to think of immediate responses as it happens in a face to face conversation. Texts also get him thinking of you when you are not around.

Sending a guy flirting texts allows him to know what is in your mind and opens up the conversation.

First things first: is he interested in you?

Before you begin flirting with a guy via text, you need to check out whether he is at least mildly interested in you.

You will know that your crush is receptive to your flirting if he is responsive, responds to your messages without too much of a lag time and he carries on the conversation.

Message the guy in response to something he has posted

When the guy posts something on social media, take the initiative to send him a direct message instead of passively liking his post.

Let’s say he posts the picture of his dog. You could send him a direct message saying, ‘Your dog is completely adorable. What kind is she?’ Or he posts a video from a concert he attended: you can message him, ‘just saw your video from last night’s concert. I love the band. How were they?’

The key here is to include at least a question in your message so that you can open the door for further conversation.

Ask flirty questions- not job interview questions

Once you get the conversation going, ask interesting questions. The key is to avoid asking questions that will require ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. Your questions should be more specific.

Great questions make him choose, and that choice says something about himself.

instead of asking him, ‘Do you love movies?’ You could ask him, ‘Star Wars or Star Trek?’, ‘Rom Com or Thriller?', ‘Documentary or Drama?'

These dilemma questions make him take a side, and usually defend it. Which is a great way to know more about someone, in a flirty kind of way.

Good topics to explore in the beginning include hobbies, career, and family.

Leading questions

As your conversation and relationship progresses, the questions can lead him. ‘Why are you so cute?’ ‘Our first kiss is going to be epic, don’t you think so?’ ‘What would you do if I asked you to come over? I want to have this conversation in person?’

Be a little suggestive

There are subtle ways you can show interest in a guy over text. For instance, if he says he is eating pizza for dinner, you can say you wish you were eating the pizza instead of whatever you are having.

You can also hint at sexy things without being blatant. If you did not see his message right away, you could tell him you are sorry you missed his message, but you have just got out of the shower.

This does not outright flirt, but it is a sly way of making him think about you in the shower.

Send him picture texts

Picture texts are a fun way to stay engaged with your crush. Saying your dog looks adorable when sleeping can never be as captivating as sending him the real picture.  

Always ensure you look your best in the photos that you send to him. Simley faces, emojis, meme's, and gifs are all handy for composing a witty message and showing your intent.

Open the door to take things off chat

You do not want to remain flirting over text for too long. Fortunately, there are numerous opportunities to subtly hint at taking things a notch higher.

  • Did he say that he bought something for his house; say you would love to see it sometime.
  • Does he talk about his pet all the time; joke that you are confident you would win his dog over in a heartbeat because animals love you.
  • Did he ask you a personal question: indicate that the answer is too long, you will have to tell him in person.
  • Are they screening a move you love: this is a terrific excuse to meet up.

The final thought

The best part about flirting is that you can do it over and over again. Flirting can be a fun game where any guy you see becomes fascinating, and you want to find a little bit more about him.

The more you flirt with gorgeous guys, the more it takes anxiety and pressure out of talking to them. The bonus is that you will live a more vibrant, more fulfilling, fun and exciting life. 

If you've come this far, i'd like to say thanks for reading my guide on how to flirt with a guy – the modern way. You can contact me if you have a comment or question.

How to Attract a Guy and Compel Him to Start Thinking About You

How to attract a guy - girl twirling her hair with guy at bar

How to attract a guy - girl twirling her hair with guy at bar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU HAVE DONE IT ALL… You've:

  • Dressed in soft pastel and feminine colors to make yourself more approachable
  • Smiled a lot in the presence of guys that you are attracted to
  • Tactically run your fingers through your hair delicately, and occasionally twirl strands of your tips around your finger
  • Even licked your lips and looked at the gorgeous guy in front of you under your eyebrow.

And you still didn’t get the guy to show interest. Just what are you doing wrong?

The problem is that all the advice out there about attracting men has been leading you on a wild goose chase. Most of the traditional tips encourage women to concentrate on their physical appearance to attract men.

Unfortunately, this advice treats men as shallow, sexual beings and deprives you of the opportunity to build real romantic connections.

The law of attraction

Not all men are chasing after supermodels and false impressions. Ken Page, the author of Deeper Dating, indicates that men may initially be drawn to you by your physical looks.

But by concentrating on physical appearance alone, you are distracted from cultivating science-based traits that attract love and intimacy.

The good news

The good news is that you probably already possess all the qualities that you need to attract a great guy. The truth is that you have more likely been concentrating on the not so important things…

How you can get a guy attracted to you 

Go to places that make you happy

You cannot hope to attract a great guy and yet you lock yourself at home.

Go to places that make you happy, where men happen to be. Common ground is always the basis for all conversations. Events that have some interesting context make it easier for you to meet guys.

It is hard for a guy to imagine that you have anything in common when he meets you in a mundane place like a bar. But it is easier for him to see that you have a lot in common when you meet in a bar for a fundraiser for kids with autism. Maybe you are both familiar with autism; maybe you have siblings with autism; perhaps you are both volunteers.

Suddenly you have a deeper connection- something real in common.

Sit in a strategic place

Don't stand in the corner. When you are at a social place or occasion, choose a location in a high traffic area or in the center of the room. This allows any guy who would like to talk to you do it as he is just passing or when he is ordering a drink.

Also, ensure you face the main traffic area. This is so that a guy can walk up to your face to face instead of having to tap you on the back.

If you're in a bar, sit at the bar. This is the place that everyone will visit at least once giving you more opportunities to meet someone.

In a coffee shop, sit facing the door and glance up at each person as they come in.

In the street, stroll and be aware of the people around you. Don't be afraid to say hello to the person next to you on the shuttle or while waiting in an elevator.

NOTE: You can find more places to find good men ‘offline' in this article

Be open to the world

Many girls want to attract great guys, and yet they are good at hiding. One example is going shopping when wearing earphones. Earphones are a big, ‘Do not disturb’ sign.

Instead be a girl who reads

Phones and earphones are generally not great conversation starters. Books, on the other hand, make for great conversations.

When a guy sees you engrossed in a book, he is likely to be wondering: ‘What is she reading?’ ‘What other books does she read?’ And you know what, there is only one way to find out!

How to attract a guy - girl sitting on a park bench with guy trying to meet her

Leave a seat open

When a guy wants to meet a new girl, he chooses the path of least resistance.

Is there a seat open next to you or does he have to ask you to move your coat and purse? As such, sit in the middle of an empty church pew or one of two open bar stools.

When you leave some space, you somehow communicate that you are willing to talk to people and you are open to companionship. Sitting at the farthest tucked away corner gives the impression that you are not inviting an approach.

Stand out

Whether you are walking, standing or seated, you must distinguish yourself from the others.

Wherever you are, own your space. Do not give any impression of discomfort: downcast eyes, self-hugging. Be in the present, be at ease and keep your chin up. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who owns her space and is comfortable in her skin.

Also, have fun and be genuinely happy. This automatically makes you more attractive to men. No man wants to be around a woman who is bored or agitated.

Body language

What does your body language communicate? Body language is an essential element that shapes the way a man sees you.

Are your hands relaxed or clenched? Tense hands express that you are an unhappy, stubborn person. Exposed wrists and open palms, on the other hand, project a more welcoming aura.  

A beautiful posture is one of the things that will fascinate a man. A quality man will have nothing to do with a woman who slouches. He considers her lazy, and this is a real turn off. When you are walking, ensure your stride is relaxed. This gives you presence and charisma.

While at it, do not forget eye contact and your beautiful smile. A study by the University of Missouri indicated that a woman sitting in a bar was approached by guys 20% of the time when she made eye contact with them. However, when she paired eye contact with her smile, she increased the success rate by 60%.

Be kind

Does this come as a surprise? A study by the University of Texas at Austin revealed that kindness was one of the most desired traits in a partner by men. Apparently, men associate kindness with interest in a long-term relationship and empathy in rearing children.

Small gestures that show your affection rank big with a man: Helping others, taking care of things, letting the other person order first, being polite to the server: all these tap into your nurturing element that shows him that you are a truly decent person.

A positive attitude

Research shows that positive personality traits impact perceptions of physical attractiveness.

Experts say that men are attracted to pleasant, positive and cheerful personalities in women. Guys associate these positive personality traits with not only physical attraction but also, a higher social attraction which is a major factor when a man is choosing a life partner.

Your vibe can take you from simply looking hot to being irresistible to men. Complaining, arguing, criticizing, ridiculing, bullying, condescending others: all these make you unattractive and repel men. Ultimately a man will judge you based on how he is likely to feel when he is with you. Female happiness is an aphrodisiac to men.

When you have his attention…

When you have caught the attention of your guy, let him make the next move.

There is nothing that thrills a man than chasing and getting a woman. So you must make it possible for him to chase you: Do not be easy and do not be impossible, either.

Any time you say no to something, give him enough hints to show him that you like him. However, do not string him along for too long; otherwise, he will lose interest.

Finally…

Always ensure that the guy has a good time when he is with you. If time with you feels good, he will come back for more. If it is fun and exciting, you will become the most important person in his life.

 

Thanks for reading this guide on how to attract a guy. You can contact me here if you have any questions or comments.

11 Tell Tale Signs a Shy Guy Likes You & How to Respond

signs a shy guy likes you - a guy who does not know what to do

signs a shy guy likes you - a guy who does not know what to do

SHY GUYS HAVE MANY GREAT QUALITIES…

While many women say that they want a confident man, no woman wants a loud, brash and arrogant man. They want a guy who can give them undivided attention and one with whom they can have an intelligent conversation.

Women also want a man who can be emotionally available to them. Shy guys fit the bill because they are in tune with their emotions.

Shy guys make the most loyal partners because they do not have many interests. When they love someone they give her their all.

It would be a pity to miss out on a shy guy due to the difficulty of figuring him out because he will most likely treat you like the noble princess. Read on for signs that the shy guy likes you.

11 Signs a Shy Guy Likes You

Signs a shy guy likes you - stealing glances at any opportunity

1. He creates opportunities to be around you.

If a guy likes you, you will notice that he seems to be ‘around’ you a lot. A shy guy usually stays within his group of friends, so when he breaks out of his comfort zone and approaches you, the chances are that he likes you. It takes a lot of bravery for him to even come near you.

He will show up conveniently where you like spending your time. If you mention that you love skiing on Saturdays, he will suddenly start showing up on the slopes. He likes you, and he wishes you would make the first move.

2. The body language: Actions speak louder than words.

Shy guys tend to overdo when concealing their high interest level. They make every effort to appear uninterested in a woman since engaging a woman is terrifying. However, you will pick up on some subtle signs because body language does not lie.

3. He is nervous around you.

A good sign that a shy guy likes you is if he gets nervous around you. This is because when you like someone, your coordination and generally cool demeanor can temporarily abandon you. This is much more the case for the shy guy. Your presence will literally paralyze him if he likes you. Does he drop his phone, his keys, spill on himself, and lose his cool around you – Take note.

Does he touch up his hair, scratch his face, twirl his fingers or get fidgety whenever you come close to him? This is a definite sign that he likes you, but he is very self-conscious in your presence. So, he ends up being a bag of jitters around you.

4. Secret glances

Shy guys do not want to be caught looking at you because confrontation is not their forte. But, he cannot help admiring you from afar. You will find him staring at you from across the room, but he looks away the instant you look at him.

Experts say that it is not the level of his stare that indicates his attraction for you, but the frequency. So, if you catch him staring at you more than a few times, it is a dead giveaway that he is attracted to you.

Also, you might notice he will try to make eye contact with you immediately before he steps out of room, even when he is with his friends.

5. A light touch

People touch the people they like. While a shy guy will not muster the courage to touch you, he will engage in the form of touching called preening: Picking lint off your hair, straightening your jacket. Touching is a good indicator that he likes you.

6. He stutters when he is talking to you.

A shy guy wants to say all the right things. He will, therefore, have difficulties getting the words out if he really likes you. Or he will blank out in the middle of a sentence, and he is left tripping over words and making little sense.

7. He will copy your movements

Experts call it mirroring. Watch his gestures closely: even from across the room, he will unconsciously copy your actions. If you pick up your drink to have a sip, he will do the same; if you shift in your seat; he will too. Mirroring sends unconscious signs from a guy to a woman that he likes her.

8. Your presence silences him

When a shy guy is around you, he suddenly clams up. He will be talking animatedly to his friends, but the moment he sees you, he will suddenly go quiet. What a coincidence that his story gets finished every time you walk in?

The reason is that the guy either loses his train of thought or does not want you to hear what he thinks is a lame story and think he is lame too. He merely wants to impress you, so his brain gets ahead of him, and he forgets to talk.

9. He is extra friendly to you

A shy guy may not be big on romantic gestures, but he will do random little things for you. Does he offer things like gum, water or a donut? Does he save you a seat, offer to help you with your work or offer to drop your home? This is a massive step for a shy guy, and you should definitely take it as a sign that he likes you.

This is a vulnerable move for him considering that he is introverted, but he just cannot help it. Observe how he reacts to you when you need help. If he jumps in quickly to assist you, he is deeply attracted to you.

10. He talks to you online

A face to face conversation is daunting, especially when romantic feelings are involved. For this reason, a shy guy will find it a relief to communicate with you online or via the phone.

Behind the screen he will have full confidence since there is much less pressure to respond perfectly and on the spot.

The good news is that he is working up the confidence to talk to you and soon he will comfortably have a proper conversation with you.

11. He gets jealous when you talk to other guys.

If you want to know whether a shy guy likes you, pay attention to how he reacts when you talk to other guys. Seeing other guys talking to you ticks him off. He is terrified that you might fall for one of the guys before he has an opportunity to tell you how he feels. So, how does he react? He will either stare at the guys in envy, or he will be completely bummed out that he will leave the scene.

Introverted people suffer in silence when they are jealous. The fact that he displays his jealousy is a clear indication that he is attracted to you.

How to Respond to a Shy Guys Interest

When you find out that the shy guy is attracted to you, it is time to let him know that you are allowing him to get close to you. Let him know that it is safe for him to be in your company and to talk to you.

Engage him in a conversation whenever an opportunity arises and gently coax him out of his shell. You will be shocked to realize that he probably likes to talk but experience has taught him that people are not interested in what he has to say: he, therefore, prefers to be quiet.

Also, it is crucial that you make him feel that you are talking and spending time as friends. When he feels that there are no expectations, there will be no pressure, and he will, therefore, feel safe and open up.

Finally,

Allow him to be the man: when he suggests going to a particular place, let him have his way. Chances are, this is where he is comfortable.

Do not sway him to go where many people are if he doesn’t want to. Forcing him to go to a club, for instance, is being inconsiderate of his feelings.

Be patient with your shy guy. At the end of the day, you will discover your diamond in the rough who is willing to listen and put your needs ahead of his own.

Thanks for reading this guide on signs a shy guy likes you & how to respond. If you want more information on how the male brain works then i highly recommend this short video. It's an insight only few women have on exactly what's going on in the male mind.

If you have any questions or comments you can contact me here.

“Do Men Like Strong Women?” – The Type of Man Most Attracted to Strong Women

do men like strong women - rosie the riveter

do men like strong women - rosie the riveter

WHILE SOME MEN SAY THAT THEY cannot handle a strong woman, and go on and on about how an independent woman is intimidating, the successful man has discovered the secret.

An article in the HuffPost indicated that successful men have found that the most attractive and sexually desirable woman is not the brainless beauty, whose duty is to look good and stay quiet. Instead, a woman who is successful is more desirable.

Behold, the trophy wife is dead

The trophy wife is dying and in her place is the power couple. Don’t you just admire Amal and George Clooney and Priscilla Chan and Mark Zuckerberg?

According to anthropologist Dr. Stephene Juan, successful men who married younger women earned less money than their colleagues with similar age wives. Dr. Juan further says, ‘a powerful man wants a woman who is equal to him. A weak man wants someone who is docile and servant to him’.

According to Dr. Juan, for a man to want nothing but a trophy wife, that is a sign of insecurity. Sociologist Christine Whelan also indicates that brains are the new beauty.

Men are beginning to realize that there are benefits to marrying a successful woman:

  • They will no longer have to bear the burden of breadwinning alone since the women can bring their own share to the table.
  • They also do not have to make all the decisions. The new trophy wife is not afraid to question any decision that does not meet her threshold.
  • Together, they have the ability to build an empire.

Interesting facts:

  • High achieving women marry at the same rate as all other women; they just get married later in life.
  • A 2005 article in American Journal of Sociology reported that high status and powerful women are rated as more attractive than their counterparts. Also, women in positions of power are sexier to men as compared to the more subordinate women.
  • Research by Megan Sweeney, an assistant professor at the University of California, L.A, revealed that higher earning women marry at higher rates. Indeed a $10,000 per year increase in salary can translate to 7 percent increase in the likelihood that a woman will marry within the year.
  • According to the Current Population Survey, women with an advanced degree and those who earn in the top 10 percent of all female earners in their group, marry at the same rate as all other women, maybe just a little later.

Busting the myth

The belief that men are intimidated by successful women is just a myth. Research shows that more than half of women with graduate degrees have husbands without graduate degrees. Clearly, men who are not intimidated by a successful woman do exist. The successful modern man no longer settles just for beauty.

Bill Gates became the wealthiest man in the world before he got married. It is, however, said that it is Melinda who convinced him to spend billions on world health issues. Today the Bill and Belinda Gates Foundation is most successful in fighting malaria and AIDs in Africa with close to an endowment of $29 billion to solve global education and health issues. The touch of the right woman really does boost success.

Some of the values of a strong woman that men admire include:

She is independent

This woman has her own ambitions and interests. And she has more priorities outside of her relationship. A strong, busy woman understands when the man needs to work overtime, when he needs to retreat to his man cave or when he needs some time with the guys. She is not needy and does not need to always be by his side to entertain her or validate her. Her partner is always curious about her ideas and pursuits.

do men like strong women - successful intelligent men like intelligent women

She is intelligent

Research shows that people date partners who are similarly ranked to them: attractiveness, humor, and intelligence. A successful man will, therefore, date an intelligent woman. Indeed, research shows that a man should marry a woman who is smarter than him. Lawrence Whalley, a professor emeritus from the University of Aberdeen found that a smart woman can protect a man from dementia later in life.

He advises men to marry smart women. The idea is, a smart woman will constantly challenge a guy intellectually, which will keep his mental faculties keener for a long time.

She is a good communicator

A successful woman has honed her communication skills. She is busy, and she has no time to play games. She thinks about what she wants to say, comes up with a strategy and then speaks to her man. She communicates calmly and factually without being overly emotional.

She lets a man know that she is responsible and easy to sort things out with. He also respects that she does not drag uncomfortable situations out for days. The man will appreciate that she is logical and not confrontational. The relationship will thrive in this space.

A strong woman brings structure to a man’s life.

A strong woman is a good planner. She is goal oriented and has the ability to get things done. She will have daily, weekly and monthly goals for herself and the relationship. Indeed she is a successful manager and she is good at multi-tasking. Men have discovered that a strong woman can take their lives and accomplishments to the next level.

Final thoughts:

You do not have to dull your shine in order to attract a good man. All that good men want is what they have always wanted: a soft, feminine person who is kind and caring. And this does not make you weak. You can be soft and nurturing and still be smart, strong and successful.

The wonder woman

Men love to be needed. How will you keep your independence and still show your man that you need him? How will you balance your strength without making your guy feel unwanted? The key to this is learning what makes a successful relationship. Embrace your feminine nature and allow your man’s masculinity to shine.

  • Drop your guard and allow him to act in ways that he needs to in order to feel that he is contributing to your relationship as a man.
  • Let him pick the bill up on your dates
  • Let him offer you his jacket when it is cold
  • Let him pay for the groceries

For a strong woman, a successful relationship is a balancing act, and as many have done it before, you can do it too.

Thanks for reading my article and I hope I have gone someway to answering your question “Do Men Like Strong Women?” – The Type of Man Most Attracted to Strong Women.

You can get the insight scoop on attracting your dream guy by joining the newsletter, and you can contact me here

The 7 Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated

Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated - Man not sure how to act when with beautiful woman

Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated - Man not sure how to act when with beautiful woman

NOT EVERY MAN OUT THERE IS an alpha male.

Not every guy who has a crush on you has it in him to force himself out of his comfort zone and make the move he is dying to make.

Some guys are introverted, shy and self-conscious. And they find it difficult to muster even the courage to say hello especially if they are intimidated by you.

You are likely to be intimidating to a guy if:

  • You have a successful career: Some guys may think dating a successful career woman is hot, but others will feel as if it is a blow to their ego, dating a CEO while they are probably in the mid-management in their industry.
  • He thinks you look like a model: A guy with the slightest ounce of insecurity in his bones will be intimidated by a gorgeous woman. He may think that your ‘out of his league’ or that you should be dating an equally handsome and extremely rich guy… which he is not.
  • You come from a wealthy family: If you come from a prominent family or have more money than a guy, he may feel intimidated. There is the fear that he may not live up to the kind of lifestyle you are accustomed to, or he is looked down upon by you or your family.
  • You are highly intelligent: You always got straight A’s in school and graduated top of the class. Along with being accepted into every university you applied to; you graduated with distinction. While intelligence has served you well in academia and your profession, some guys fear that they cannot measure up to you, and you will eventually lose interest anyway.
  • You ooze confidence: Do you exude are an aura of confidence wherever you go? Do you get into a crowded room and every head turns in your direction? Do you instantly draw people’s attention with the way you conduct yourself? Some guys will find you difficult to approach.

Unfortunately, it is not easy to figure out the shy guy. It is frustrating to determine whether he is intimidated by you or simply disinterested. Here are a few signs that he likes you but is too scared to say anything.

1. Body language

A guy who has a crush will steal glances at you a lot. The shy one, however, will sneak glances at you when you are not looking; but if you catch him looking at you, he will break eye contact.

Also, he will be anxious and fidgety around you. This guy wants to do everything perfectly. He is trying to be the best version of himself in front of you. Do not be surprised if he breaks into a sweat when he is in your presence.

Watch how he behaves around his friends. Is he the same way with them or is he confident and comfortable around them? If he is only shy in your presence, he is definitely interested.

What to do

Try to make him feel at ease by smiling at his jokes and asking questions about him. Show him respect, and he will slowly build the confidence that he needs to pursue you. Keep it simple with him for now, he may not understand your version of flirting.

2. He seems to be ‘around’ a lot.

If you work together, your crush will hang out by your locker a lot, or maybe go to your favorite coffee place all the time. He will go out of his way to do nice things for you: like grab you a coffee or a snack, share his lunch with you, save you a seat.

He will do everything to catch your attention, but that is it. Indeed, while he may be talkative with others, he will be quiet when he is around you.

These are all good signs. A guy will only hang around a woman he likes. It shows he feels good being around you and therefore he wants to be around you more. He is definitely into you but is probably too scared to tell you.

What to do

You will have to help him break out of his shell. Try to extend the conversation every time. Give him some sign to show him that you like spending time with him; and that you are also interested in him.

3. He loves to highlight his accomplishments

A guy who is intimidated by you will try to unconsciously convince you and him that he is worthy of you. So, he will somehow manage to mention his GPA, his position on the Lacrosse team and the fantastic presentation he made at the managerial meeting yesterday.

He will try to grab your attention with the story of how he rescued a small boy at the pool and how good he is at playing the electric guitar. You might mistake this for bragging, but he is only trying to impress you. He is intimidated by your resume, so he is decorating his.

What to do

Even though this can be exasperating, see the upside. This is his way of trying to impress you. Indulge him a little while and then change the subject to more important things.

4. He might avoid talking about himself

Opposite of bragging, he may avoid talking about his life: income, career, and spending habits. Since this guy is unnerved by you, he will not take the chance of exposing his weakness by talking to you about himself. He would rather talk about your achievements.

This is actually a good strategy. The more he talks about you, the more he learns about you and in the process he might find some common things and interests that you two share.

What to do

Try to extend your conversations with him. Accept his compliments and show him that you enjoy talking to him. This will give him more confidence to share the less glorious aspects of his life.

5. He is there when you need him

If you have a difficult situation and he gets to know of it, he will do even the impossible to solve it. This is his moment to shine, and his actions will say everything that his words have failed to say. He wants to show you he has many admirable attributes: he is supportive, sensitive and trustworthy. He will go the extra mile to make it up for what he lacks financially and professionally.

What to do

If you genuinely like the guy, reciprocate his kind gestures by being there for him during his own challenging situations. Also, let him know how grateful you are for his help.

A guy likes a woman who appeals to his inner hero. When he does all these things for you, it makes him feel manly. Do not ruin his fun by telling him how you are perfectly capable of doing whatever he wants to do for you. Let him feel that he is a man: let him carry the heavy items for you and tell him that you appreciate it. Something like ‘Thanks, I could use muscles like yours more often’ will get the point across.

Let him defend and protect you (even if you really do not need it).

Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated - Man not sure how to act when with beautiful woman

6. He is awkward around you

He may be intimidated by the process of meeting someone he likes, so when/if he gets the courage to talk to you it can be awkward. Odd and bland conversation topics, him being awkward with his gestures.

What to do

Wait it out. He will get there eventually. If you want to see more of his normal side, then ask him about something he cares a lot about. It could be his job/hobby or something he follows (like sports or something science related).

7. He is insecure and jealous

Since he is unable to confess his feelings for you, he is also worried that another guy will attract your attention. Any man who seems to enjoy your presence triggers his hot button: your neighbor, colleagues, and other male friends.

Understand that he is worried that he is not good enough for you and that another man will successfully pursue you and hijack his chance of being with you. This may actually be the only time a guy who is feeling intimidated will act as though he really likes you.

What to do

Do not hold back from socializing with other people just because you fear his reaction. This will form the basis for controlling you, and you will eventually resent him for it. After all, he has not even admitted his feelings for you. He knows what he needs to do, let him do it.

Ultimately

Experts say that men are not concerned about your accomplishments. The one thing that the man cares about is how you make him feel. The man wants the feminine, kind, nurturing woman lurking inside that investment banker, fitness instructor, or top-notch attorney.

So, you know what to do:

  • Get in touch with your softer side and allow your feminine energy to shine.
  • Do not send a guy an email after a date; let him pursue you
  • Tell him your preference, then let him lead: hail the cab, choose the table, open doors you get the drift.
  • Do not talk about work on your date.
  • Dress up: wear light makeup, soft colors, a dress and heels on your dates. It makes him feel important to you.

Thanks for reading this guide on Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated. You can get on the private newsletter and really amp up your chances to meet your dream guy.

Should You Ignore Him to Get His Attention? The Pros and Cons of Playing It Cool…

Ignore Him to Get His Attention - Woman not happy she cant get attention from man

Ignore Him to Get His Attention - Woman not happy she cant get attention from man

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU CAN'T GET HIS attention?

Either you seem him occasionally and he seems not to notice you at all?

Or maybe you are with him every day, but he seems hardly aware of your presence. 

The natural instinct for many women is to pursue the guy. They dress up and doll up hoping that he will finally notice them. They go out of their way to be extra friendly to him, and even smother him with attention.

However, experts say that this approach could not be more wrong. Chasing a guy is going against the natural order of things.

To catch a guy’s attention, the right strategy is to be ‘unavailable’.

Why you shouldn't chase him

If you chase him, he will run

If you pursue a man, you will scare him away. Some men interpret pursuing them as neediness on your part.

A man will be attracted to you more if he knows that you are independent and have a lot of options. If you are not difficult to get, then you are not worth having.

Men love to do the chasing

Experts say that when a man is chasing a woman, he is fulfilling his natural instincts. A guy loves to pursue a woman who is a little bit out of reach because of the challenge.

Every guy wants something unique in the woman he chooses; something special that no other man has been able to attain. It is a macho thing. A man loves the adventure that goes into wooing a girl.

Chasing you will make a guy feel manlier: the winner who successfully hunted and caught the object of his affection.

To be successful in your relationship, you must allow your man to feel like he is the only guy in the world that could have won you; that it was his unique blend of charisma and charm that finally won you over.

You love to be chased

Let us be honest; you love to be chased. You

  • Do not want to feel like you forced yourself to the guy
  • Want to be sure that this incredible guy was not just looking for a relationship with anyone
  • Want to know that it was you and only you that he was interested in.

It isn't a silly thing. It's the best way to know that he wants you and you will feel secure with him.

The PROS: Why you should ignore the guy

Ignoring a guy makes him feel that you is not readily available; that he must work harder to impress you. Experts advise that a woman must make the man feel that he worked hard to get her. Making yourself huntable adds value to your worth. Ignoring a guy, therefore, comes with immense benefits.

It helps him understand your worth

You must understand one thing: if the man you are attracted to has a lot going for him, he is already receiving a lot of attention from the girls and his ego is ballooning.

So, you should not treat him the way every other admirer out there is treating him. You must make him realize that he will not have you easily like he did other girls previously. This is what will set your relationship with him apart from the ones he has had.

You must be emotionally mature to set the right pace for your relationship. Emotional maturity means not allowing your feelings to lead you astray.

How do you want to be treated in that relationship? This is the best time to set the ground rules. Creating some distance will give a guy the opportunity to prove himself. Your emotional maturity and self-worth will surprise the guy and he will chase you.

It releases pressure on the guy

Sometimes the guy may be distracted for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Maybe things are not going well at work; or things are not going his way in the share market. As a result, he might not want to talk to you or to talk at all.

Men define themselves by what they see as their level of ‘success’. This could be their financial ability and the success of their career. If this ‘success’ is threatened, they will go quiet as they try to figure out a way to fix things.

Badgering him when he is going through a rough patch will be counterproductive. Let him know that you are there for him if he needs you but give him the space that he needs.

Sometimes a man needs to stew in his man cave and lick his wounds. He will value you for giving him the space that he needed.

The CONS: Can ignoring a guy backfire?

While ignoring a guy shows him that you are independent, playing hard to get with someone you are interested in can be counterproductive. Playing it too cool early in the relationship robs you of the opportunity to be really present. Guys are insecure beings too, and they need a sign that you are interested.

The downside to ignoring him

  • If he is not sure about how you feel about him, sometimes, ignoring him can be seen as validation. ‘If she ignores me, she must be seeing someone else’. Therefore, ignoring a guy becomes the yardstick to determine that you not are attracted to him.
  • A guy can ignore you by accident by being too busy or too wrapped up in his own affairs to adequately attend to things around him. If you ignore him, you do not achieve anything.
  • Better still a guy could be ignoring you for all the right reasons; he is attracted to you too much and he is trying not to appear needy and desperate.

In these situations, ignoring the guy will not get you the results that you desire.

‘Ignore' him the right way

Ignoring a guy is a delicate balance of making him think you are ignoring him and letting him believe that he has a chance. When you ignore a man, he must feel that he only has to work harder to win you. You should not disregard a guy completely: you will lose him. Always give him hope but do not make it obvious.

While at it, do not mope around waiting for him to notice you. If you wait patiently, you will wait a long while. Be smart and speed up the process by loving yourself.

Engage in confidence-boosting activities: do something that you really enjoy and look your best. Every time you see each other, let him find a confident, independent woman. Be kind to yourself and he will not be able to resist you.

Finally,

You do not want the chase to be temporary. After the guy has got you, he might realize it was all an illusion and you are not really the high-value woman he had made you out to be. You want to make the chase permanent.

A man will chase and commit to a woman whose world he wants to become part of. A woman who is passionate with an exciting world around her will attract an amazing man who will chase her for a very long time.

So… Raise your standards for love

Do not ever settle for less in your relationship. Keep your self-worth intact and do not lose sight of yourself. Your guy should know that if he ever cheats on you, or abuses you in any way, you will go back to your amazing single life.

It sounds like this is for you, but it is for him also. It lets him know he has to be his best, and that will keep him chasing you for the rest of your relationship.