THE IMAGE OF SEX that dominates the media is one of beauty and power, and one that is highly sanitized. In reality, however, sex is not clean or even pretty; it can be awkward and sometimes gross.
Things that happen during sex and how to deal with them
Sexual mishaps are common, and you can never predict what will happen, especially with a new partner. It is essential that you put things in their proper perspective to avoid approaching your sexual experiences with unrealistic expectations. Some of the not so pleasant things that can potentially make sex awkward include:
Queefing may be a bit embarrassing, but it is totally normal during sex. It occurs as a result of a pocket of air being pushed into your vagina during sex. Remember, your vagina usually doesn’t have any air but when you change positions, air can be sucked in.
When something else takes up the space; a penis or a finger, it pushes the air out, and that is the sound that you will hear. It is not a result of the digestive processes, and it is, therefore, odorless.
There is nothing you can do to prevent queefing, so your reaction is what matters a lot. When it happens, acknowledge it, and simply laugh it off. Bear in mind that your partner will react and respond to your energy. If you are humiliated or disgusted by the queefing, you will transfer your discomfort to your partner.
Did you know? The harder and more positions you engage in, the more likely you are to queef. Also, extra hard thrusting makes it easier for air to get trapped in the vagina. In other words the more you are enjoying sex, the higher the likelihood of queefing.
While many girls would rather die than pass gas during sex, the reality is that it happens – a lot. Sex is a highly athletic activity, and a lot is happening during the session that puts pressure on your midsection. Unfortunately, unlike the queefs, farts are not easily ignored. If you are the one who farted, all you can do is apologize, laugh about it carry on.
There are also times when you will notice that the man is too distracted to be concerned about the fart. In this case, ignore and concentrate on the business at hand.
If the man is the one who has farted on you, pretend you did not smell or hear it and move on. Sooner or later, the tables will be turned, and it will be your turn. Treat him the way you will want him to treat you.
Getting your period
It has happened to many couples before; one minute everything is fine. The next minute you are riding the crimson wave. Periods show up unannounced all the time. After all, you have no control over your time of the month.
Whether to continue having sex or postpone will depend on how you and the man feel about period sex. If you are into it, go for it but know that it can get a little messy. Indeed, experts indicate that period sex is phenomenal because of all the extra lubrication.
Sometimes, trying a new sexy position may not go as planned and you could end up with a cramp. Sex experts say that the calves and thighs tend to cramp more during intercourse, but any other muscle on your body can cramp.
Depending on the seriousness of the cramp, it could take anywhere from a few hours to days to feel better. If you get a cramp, turn it into an excuse for a free massage and a nice bonding session.
To prevent muscle cramps, switch sex positions frequently so that you are not in one position for too long.
Falling Dramatically out of position
Falling off the bed, hitting your head on the wall…. unless you are in perfect shape, you might find it challenging to hold certain sex positions for long.
You might get shaky or even collapse mid-sex, especially when experimenting with new positions. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Simply ask the guy to switch positions and pick right where you left.
Orgasms come too early or not at all
Sometimes, even when you are perfectly tuned with your partner, the orgasm just isn’t going to happen. Not every woman climaxes every time.
So, what do you do when you are going on and on, and the realization that it is not going to happen finally hits you? You need to tell yourself that it is okay; that sex can be satisfying and pleasurable even when you do not orgasm.
Focus on the pleasure rather than the outcome, and you will do just fine. Some days it is just easier to orgasm than others.
Most of all,
Do not fake an orgasm. If you fake the orgasm, you are teaching your man all wrong. When your orgasms are real, your man can learn exactly what does and doesn’t work for you.
Let your man know that women don’t need to orgasm 100 percent of the time to be satisfied. Let him know that you had a great time, but you are not going to climax today.
If your man orgasms too soon, do not make him feel guilty. Let him know that it is not a big deal but that he shouldn’t leave you hanging. You can actually recommend to help him with other ways to help you orgasm.
Condoms are a significant part of sex, but they can also be a great source of awkwardness. For instance, condoms do gets stuck.
What to do?
Do not panic. Doctors recommend using a finger or two to try and fish it out. If you can’t get hold of it, do not get anxious. Anxiety will cause your vaginal muscles to tighten up and potentially push the condom further into the vagina, out of reach.
If after a few tries you still cannot get the condom out, give it a few hours and try again when you are more relaxed. The vagina will contract and make the condom easier to locate. If a day goes and the condom is still missing, make an appointment with your ob-gyn. They will quickly grab it for you. Trust me; they have done it many times before.
Peeing during sex happens more often than many women would want to admit. Sexual peeing is related to your body’s biological responses during sex. Sexual stimulation can lead to involuntary bladder spasms which increase incontinence.
Your partner may not notice it much because he is in the heat of the moment, but you will know. The good news is that it can easily be avoided: rush to the bathroom before sex, or if you need to, excuse yourself whilst in the act. It will only take a few moments, but it will prevent an uncomfortable situation.
You are completely dry
You and your man have enjoyed intense foreplay, and you are ready to get into action. The only problem is that your vagina is completely dry. Sex therapists say there are some reasons why you could be dry, chief of which is low oestrogen. Every woman needs adequate levels of oestrogen to maintain vaginal lubrication.
If you have sex when you are that dry, sex will not only be unenjoyable, but extremely painful. What to do? Let your man know that you need the help of lube but assure him that just because you are a little dry does not mean that you are not turned on.
The penis just won’t fit
This might sound like it’s a good problem to have, but it is very frustrating at that particular moment. Because of anxiety and stress, your vagina muscles may tighten, and your man may be unable to penetrate.
Furthermore, the more you worry about it, the worse it can get. If this happens, get some relaxation techniques with the help of your man. Within no time, you will be calm enough to enjoy yourself.
To enjoy sex, it is a good idea to lower your expectations and not push for things to go perfectly. Sex can at times be gross, weird and even embarrassing; and that is part of the reason why it is fantastic. It also helps to have a sense of humor.
When these awkward things happen, acknowledge them, communicate with your man about them and whenever possible, laugh about it together. It doesn’t help to be self-conscious during sex.
Your man, like most people, probably understands that sex is awkward and he will be relieved that you are just as awkward as he is in bed.
If you want to know more about what intimacy and how to be a good partner then here are some resources