“Should I Approach A Guy First?” – How to Take Control of Your Dating Life Without Looking Desperate

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman deciding should she approach the man

THE CRUSH… BOTH THRILLING AND TERRIFYING

Wouldn't it be great if he at least knew how you felt! Too bad, you cannot approach him and tell him…

But, wait a minute!

Who says that you have to wait for that cute guy to come over and talk to you first?

While traditional gender roles have for a long time suggested that men should be the aggressors, women are becoming bolder, going after what they want and getting it.

Women have realized that some guys can be just as nervous and shy as them. As such, helping the guy out a bit and meeting him halfway is not just a good idea, but an excellent strategy for taking control of your dating life.

Get over your fear

Many women find it hard to never muster enough courage to go over to talk to a guy. However, if you consider the benefits of approaching the guy you like, they will override your fears.

Making the first move to talk to a guy not only gives you an opportunity to get to know him better, but you will also impress him with your boldness.

Approaching a guy also gives you an advantage over other women who might also like the same guy. It shows you are confident and you use your initiative. Which are two things good men like in women.

Confidence hacks

Overcome your anxiety and nerves by reminding yourself that your crush has his flaws and insecurities. Bring him back down to earth in your mind, and you will find it a lot easier to initiate a conversation with him.

Do not allow your fear to hold you back from going after what you want. If you are wondering what to say to a guy you just met, here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Check his ‘crushability'

Before you initiate anything, you need to be sure that this guy is worthy of your attraction.

Sometimes, you can be attracted to a guy and approach him, but ten minutes in his presence, and he utterly repulses you. If you are not in a position to ask someone about the guy, all you have to do is observe.

How is he behaving around his friends? How is he treating people that are not probably as popular as he is, for instance, the waiters? Is he nice or is he a jerk? Be sure he is a nice guy before you make any move.

Figure out the best time to approach.

When it comes to approaching a guy, timing is everything. Not so much on your side, but on his side. See the longer you leave it, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of it.

Mel Robbins talks about how you have 5 seconds to take action in the video below.

The typical excuses

Some of the excuses that we tell ourselves are:

His friends

It might be a bit intimidating to approach him while his buddies surround him, but it also shows great confidence. He will enjoy it.

The place

Sometimes we can think there are social rules that include do not approach someone for certain places. Like the train, library, church and wherever else.

These only really exist in our minds. Most people there simply don't care what you do, as long as your not hurting someone else. They will more likely be cheering you on.

The time

It's too early to meet the man of your dreams? Oh, I guess you will never meet him. Come on listen to yourself here, this one is silly!

There's no excuse good enough

As you can see there isn't really any excuse good enough. But your brain will try to stop you because it thinks it's protecting you. This is an old reaction that we have in our brains that some people never overcome.

Here is a longer clip with an interview with Mel Robbins who has more information on this topic. Well worth a watch.

Let's do it – How to approach confidently – when you are not confident

Make eye contact, smile and approach

First, make eye contact and smile at your crush. Pay attention to his response. Does he smile back? If you feel that this has gone well, it is time for the approach.

Sometimes, all a man needs to open up to you is to know that you are interested in him. If you appear pleasant and approachable, a man who likes you will be more open to having a conversation with you.

One of the biggest problem you may face when striking a conversation with a guy you just met, and more so the one you like is the awkward silence. It is not enough to initiate a conversation; you need to ensure it is the right conversation.

3 ways you can start the conversation

Ask for his help

Bringing out a guy’s protective instinct will make him feel more connected to you. Depend on the guy for something: carrying for you a few books because they are too heavy; walking you down the street because it is dark. Ask him for directions or time.

Men love to feel needed and helpful. So, find a reason to need his assistance. After he has helped you, thank him for his help and offer to buy him coffee to express your appreciation.

Compliment him

Compliments always bring two people closer. No one is unreceptive to a sincere compliment. If you genuinely feel that there is something worth complimenting about a guy, tell him about it.

Be specific: tell him how cute his shoes are, or how well he has put his entire look together. Tell him he has a gorgeous smile or that his dimples give him a boyish charm that you find adorable. If he finds you equally attractive, he may respond with a few compliments of his own, and you will have broken the ice.

Tease the guy

To spice up the conversation, tease the guy a bit. You can tease him by pointing out a cheesy line he uses during your conversation. ‘Oh! Did you think you won me over?’ Or, you could look at the clean-shaven head and tell him, ‘You would look great with a huge blue Mohawk. It would bring out the gorgeous blue in your eyes’.

Suggesting an extreme makeover for a guy you have just met is excellent for that feeling of instant connectedness. It is also a way of complimenting him without being too serious. And it can work with clothes too. Suggest a pair of tight white flairs and see him smile.

You can also result in a competitive tease. Pick something that he says he is good at and challenge him to it. The good thing is that you don’t even have to be good at it. If you beat him, he will be impressed and if you lose he will bask in the glory of comforting you. ‘So you think you are good at pool? Let’s see how good you think you are after a game with me!’

Caution: Do not get too competitive. No guy likes a boastful woman.

Should I Approach A Guy First - Woman and Man talking over wine

After the first 2 minutes

Move the conversation

If you have been talking for a while it can be a good idea to move

  • Let's go and get a drink
  • You have to meet my friend
  • You have to see this
  • Etc.

These can get your guy to move so you can have more of an intimate conversation

Ask him questions

When you are in the middle of a conversation with the guy, get him to speak about himself. Start with general questions and only ask personal ones as the conversation progresses.

If you are attending a function, ask him how he knows the host or why he is there. You can also ask him random questions, ‘what’s your Myers Briggs Type indicator score?’

As you warm up to each other, you can go off the beaten path and ask questions that are a little less ordinary. ‘What is the craziest thing you have ever done?’ ‘If you could fly anywhere right now, where would you go and why?’

Finally, if everything is progressing well, you can get personal:

  • ‘How is someone like you single?’ This is a great question to find out if he is single while still flirting with him.
  • ‘What’s your idea of perfect date?’ This question gets the guy to talk about himself and think about what a date with you would be like.
  • ‘What kind of a relationship are you looking for?’ This is an excellent question because it lets you know where his head is at.

And this one:

  • ‘Do you like it when girls make the first move?’ This is a perfect question that helps you find out if it is ok to ask him out or wait for him to make a move.

Find common ground

As you listen to the guy, take the opportunity to pick and talk about common interests. The more he feels that you have things in common, the more easily the conversation will move forward.

Remember the guy’s thrill is in the chase. After you have made contact with him, let him work his way into your life.

Do not prolong the conversation. Be coy and shy when saying your goodbye to make it memorable. Also, ensure to take your leave just before things get awkward or boring. Leave him wishing that he spent more time with you.

Let him know clearly that you enjoyed spending time with him and that you look forward to seeing him some other time.

I can’t wait to see you again

Approaching men first is a simple-to-understand yet hard-to-do concept for most women when it's first introduced. But here's the thing. It gives you a great leg up on other single women.

Not only does it help you meet more men, but it also gives you an ability that most women don't have. This translates into meeting men they will never meet.

When I started approaching I found it very hard. In fact, it took me quite a while to ‘get it', but once I did I felt in control of my dating life like I had never done before. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Best of luck and if you have a follow-up question on the topic of ‘should I approach a guy first?' that has not been covered here, then you can contact me here.

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