WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU CAN'T GET HIS attention?
Either you seem him occasionally and he seems not to notice you at all?
Or maybe you are with him every day, but he seems hardly aware of your presence.
The natural instinct for many women is to pursue the guy. They dress up and doll up hoping that he will finally notice them. They go out of their way to be extra friendly to him, and even smother him with attention.
However, experts say that this approach could not be more wrong. Chasing a guy is going against the natural order of things.
To catch a guy’s attention, the right strategy is to be ‘unavailable’.
Why you shouldn't chase him
If you chase him, he will run
If you pursue a man, you will scare him away. Some men interpret pursuing them as neediness on your part.
A man will be attracted to you more if he knows that you are independent and have a lot of options. If you are not difficult to get, then you are not worth having.
Men love to do the chasing
Every guy wants something unique in the woman he chooses; something special that no other man has been able to attain. It is a macho thing. A man loves the adventure that goes into wooing a girl.
Chasing you will make a guy feel manlier: the winner who successfully hunted and caught the object of his affection.
To be successful in your relationship, you must allow your man to feel like he is the only guy in the world that could have won you; that it was his unique blend of charisma and charm that finally won you over.
You love to be chased
Let us be honest; you love to be chased. You
- Do not want to feel like you forced yourself to the guy
- Want to be sure that this incredible guy was not just looking for a relationship with anyone
- Want to know that it was you and only you that he was interested in.
It isn't a silly thing. It's the best way to know that he wants you and you will feel secure with him.
The PROS: Why you should ignore the guy
Ignoring a guy makes him feel that you is not readily available; that he must work harder to impress you. Experts advise that a woman must make the man feel that he worked hard to get her. Making yourself huntable adds value to your worth. Ignoring a guy, therefore, comes with immense benefits.
It helps him understand your worth
You must understand one thing: if the man you are attracted to has a lot going for him, he is already receiving a lot of attention from the girls and his ego is ballooning.
So, you should not treat him the way every other admirer out there is treating him. You must make him realize that he will not have you easily like he did other girls previously. This is what will set your relationship with him apart from the ones he has had.
You must be emotionally mature to set the right pace for your relationship. Emotional maturity means not allowing your feelings to lead you astray.
How do you want to be treated in that relationship? This is the best time to set the ground rules. Creating some distance will give a guy the opportunity to prove himself. Your emotional maturity and self-worth will surprise the guy and he will chase you.
It releases pressure on the guy
Sometimes the guy may be distracted for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Maybe things are not going well at work; or things are not going his way in the share market. As a result, he might not want to talk to you or to talk at all.
Men define themselves by what they see as their level of ‘success’. This could be their financial ability and the success of their career. If this ‘success’ is threatened, they will go quiet as they try to figure out a way to fix things.
Badgering him when he is going through a rough patch will be counterproductive. Let him know that you are there for him if he needs you but give him the space that he needs.
Sometimes a man needs to stew in his man cave and lick his wounds. He will value you for giving him the space that he needed.
The CONS: Can ignoring a guy backfire?
While ignoring a guy shows him that you are independent, playing hard to get with someone you are interested in can be counterproductive. Playing it too cool early in the relationship robs you of the opportunity to be really present. Guys are insecure beings too, and they need a sign that you are interested.
The downside to ignoring him
- If he is not sure about how you feel about him, sometimes, ignoring him can be seen as validation. ‘If she ignores me, she must be seeing someone else’. Therefore, ignoring a guy becomes the yardstick to determine that you not are attracted to him.
- A guy can ignore you by accident by being too busy or too wrapped up in his own affairs to adequately attend to things around him. If you ignore him, you do not achieve anything.
- Better still a guy could be ignoring you for all the right reasons; he is attracted to you too much and he is trying not to appear needy and desperate.
In these situations, ignoring the guy will not get you the results that you desire.
‘Ignore' him the right way
Ignoring a guy is a delicate balance of making him think you are ignoring him and letting him believe that he has a chance. When you ignore a man, he must feel that he only has to work harder to win you. You should not disregard a guy completely: you will lose him. Always give him hope but do not make it obvious.
While at it, do not mope around waiting for him to notice you. If you wait patiently, you will wait a long while. Be smart and speed up the process by loving yourself.
Engage in confidence-boosting activities: do something that you really enjoy and look your best. Every time you see each other, let him find a confident, independent woman. Be kind to yourself and he will not be able to resist you.
You do not want the chase to be temporary. After the guy has got you, he might realize it was all an illusion and you are not really the high-value woman he had made you out to be. You want to make the chase permanent.
A man will chase and commit to a woman whose world he wants to become part of. A woman who is passionate with an exciting world around her will attract an amazing man who will chase her for a very long time.
So… Raise your standards for love
Do not ever settle for less in your relationship. Keep your self-worth intact and do not lose sight of yourself. Your guy should know that if he ever cheats on you, or abuses you in any way, you will go back to your amazing single life.
It sounds like this is for you, but it is for him also. It lets him know he has to be his best, and that will keep him chasing you for the rest of your relationship.