HE IS ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT, and you just want him back.
But where do you start?
Maybe you have thought about calling and texting him, but what if he doesn't answer your calls or responds to your texts?
The good news
The good news is that you can reconcile with your boyfriend.
But first, you have to pull yourself together. After a breakup, it can feel like the faster you reach out to your boyfriend and convince him that you love him, the sooner you can get things back to how they used to be.
However, this overwhelming sense of urgency can cloud your judgment and cause you to make decisions that might jeopardize your chances of getting him back.
Position yourself for a reconciliation
Your behavior after the breakup holds the key to your chances of getting your boyfriend back.
The post-breakup phase, if not well handled, offers many opportunities for you to make mistakes, which may affect your efforts to save your relationship.
Many women go completely off the deep end and turn into stalkers; obsessively checking their ex-boyfriends’ social media, sending them hundreds of texts and showing up in their homes and office.
This kind of behavior can only at best make the road to reconciliation more challenging, if not impossible.
Displaying your vulnerability by pleading, begging, and bargaining your way back into your ex-boyfriend’s heart is also a No! No!
You would never want him to get back with you because of pity or because you have guilt tripped him into giving you a second chance.
A desperate ex-girlfriend is not attractive to anyone. So, get a handle on yourself and have a plan in place to win back your boyfriend.
The no-contact rule
It is very tempting to reach out to your ex-boyfriend: but don't. Avoid all contact with him for 4 weeks. Do not no call him, do not write him any texts, do not email him, and certainly, do not like or comment on his social media.
In situations where you must maintain contact, such as being co-parents, talk to him only about essential matters. The no-contact period is crucial because it:
- Gives you space to calm your emotions so that you can think rationally.
- Allows you to reflect and determine whether you really want to get back with your ex-boyfriend.
- Allows you time to work on improving yourself.
- Gives your ex-boyfriend time to miss you.
Your ex-boyfriend probably expects you to fall apart after the breakup and start pleading with him to take you back. He has probably experienced this reaction from his previous breakups.
The no- contact will catch him by surprise and he will wonder whether he has misjudged you, and in turn question the breakup. The no-contact period will work to your maximum advantage.
What if he contacts you first?
If your ex-boyfriend reaches out to you before the 4 weeks are over, do not get too excited. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything – he might be going through a moment of weakness.
Also, do not invest too much in it. You do not need to ignore him, but it is essential that you keep some comfortable distance.
Keep the conversations light and enjoyable and always steer them away from anything too heavy and emotional. Bear in mind that if your relationship didn’t work, it was for a reason, and it won’t work unless something changes and real change takes time.
Whatever you do, do not have sex with him until you have resolved all the issues. Being intimate with your ex-boyfriend will cloud your judgment and distract you from dealing with the real issues that you should be working on.
Why did he break up with you?
You probably have no idea why your boyfriend broke up with you, and you are not alone. Many women are left clueless about why their exes leave.
The reason why your man may not be forthcoming about the reason for calling it quits is that he probably fears your reaction or he may not want to hurt you. Lame excuses like, ‘our relationship is not working anymore’ need to be decoded to determine the real reason.
Experts say that men mainly leave relationships when respect and admiration are no longer available in the relationship.
It is not that he found a girl who is prettier than you; instead, he found interest and appreciation that you once showed him from the new girl. Other reasons why guys leave include:
- He finds you needy and controlling
- The trust is gone
- There is no intimacy and connection
If you hope to build a successful relationship the second time around, you must find out what was missing in your relationship in the first place.
The most important thing you can do while you are taking a break from your ex is improving yourself physically and mentally. To become that irresistible girl, you will need to work on improving three areas of your life:
- Health: Eat properly, work out and ensure you look your best. Think of updating your wardrobe and probably have a makeover.
- Wealth: Wealth involves all aspects of success. This could include applying for new jobs studying for new skills.
- Relationships: Relationships encompass everything from family and friends. Remember the social life you had before you started dating your man; it is time to catch up with family and reconnect with your friends.
You could also take on a new hobby which is a fantastic way of keeping yourself occupied. Investing time and energy on yourself will make you more attractive to your ex-boyfriend than even before you broke up.
Engage social media constructively
Since you have no contact with your ex-boyfriend, social media can help you communicate indirectly with him.
Engage social media to show your ex-boyfriend how great you look, how much you have grown as a person and all the fun activities you have been up to. Take photos that illustrate valuable changes that will make a strong impression on your ex-boyfriend.
- Take lots of selfies at home as this will only demonstrate to your boyfriend that you have no life outside of him
- Post sad quotes and lyrics
- Post inspirational messages about breakups and loneliness
The texting phase
Texting is the best way to initiate contact with your ex-boyfriend. The first message should be light-hearted, fun and one that will grab his attention. ‘Hey, just heard that they have opened a great new sushi place near you and it reminded me of how much you love hand rolls.’
Sending your ex a text message is a fun and easy way to reconnect with him in a low-pressure environment. Slowly, you and your ex will start having text conversations. All you need to remember is to keep your texts fun and always to end the conversation on a high.
Once you have built enough rapport with your ex-boyfriend, you can introduce phone calls. A text like the one below can be great for introducing phone calls.
‘Can I get your help with something?'
‘Hey just walked out of the most amazing interview. You wouldn't believe who was in there.’
When your ex-boyfriend calls, the same rules apply as with text messages. Keep the call fun, brief and always end it on a high note.
The final element to getting your ex back is going out on dates with him. No matter how excited you are, you must keep a cool head. Do not prolong the date. With a smile on your face and sincere warmth in your attitude, find a reason to excuse yourself when you are still having fun.
Do not be afraid to make it clear that you have other people to see and other things to do. Keep a friendly tone through the dates and leave him wondering whether you really want him back or not. His ego will take over, and it will convince him to chase.
It is possible to get your ex-boyfriend back and create a fantastic, brand new relationship. However, do not get back with him for the wrong reasons and not before you adequately address the real underlying issues. You do not want history to repeat itself.
The breakup phase does not have to be miserable; utilize it properly. Relationships have a way of sucking all the time out of your life.
A breakup should be a time for self-reflection, reinvention and becoming a better version of you- so, take full advantage of it.
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