How to Be Single After a Long Relationship

How to be single after a long relationship - woman sitting by bed alone
How to be single after a long relationship - woman sitting by bed alone

It is normal to feel as if your world has come to an end. You and your ex did everything together. You:

  • Spent your holidays with one another’s families
  • Had your secret language and shared each other’s passwords
  • Went on holidays together
  • May have even spoke about getting married

The end of a long-term relationship can feel as if someone has pulled the ground out from beneath you. You previously didn’t have enough hours in the day to get everything done, but now, it feels like you have all the time in the world: too much time.

All of a sudden, you have no one to share with exciting news or when something goes wrong. Some things that had become routine as a result of the relationship will cease.

You will suddenly realize how much time and effort you had invested in one person. Indeed, you will wonder if it’s possible that you will ever have that kind of connection with another person ever again.

Well, we are here to assure you that it is not only possible, but there is also a whole world for you to discover now.

Sometimes when you are in a dark place, you think you have been buried, but you have been planted

Being single isn’t bad

When you have been in a relationship for a long time, you forget how to be single.

The more time you spend in a relationship, the more you might find yourself associating singlehood with insecurity, unhappiness and loneliness, even ugliness. This could not be further from the truth.

Being single the right way

Being single is different. What was fun when you were in a relationship (staying in a lot for example) won't be fun when you are single.

Instead it's about having fun, while also accepting and experiencing new things, ideas and people.

Research increasingly suggests that single people have stronger social networks than couples, and they are more likely to spend more time on leisure activities than people who have coupled up.

Another study by the University of California suggested that single people tend to experience more psychological growth and development than people who are married.

Research by the University of Auckland found that single people are just as happy as those who have coupled up.

The point is not to compare single people with people in relationships. It is to show you that there is nothing to dread.

As you can see, the notion that single-hood is associated with reduced life satisfaction is unfounded.

Here is a roadmap to help you embrace your newfound singledom

Being single leaves room for many opportunities: you will meet new people and get to work on what you really want in life.

You will gain much insight for anything that tries to tackle you in life. You will learn what you want in a relationship, how to love and how you want to be loved.

1. Let go of the baggage from your relationship

Letting go of a long relationship is complicated no matter what the reasons of the breakup were. Questions like, ‘Why’, ‘How’, ‘If’, ‘What went wrong’, and ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ will naturally plague your mind. Although you can never be faultless in a breakup, it is crucial that you stop blaming yourself.

Own your part in the breakup but come to a place where you need to stop dwelling on the past and waddling in self-hate or criticism. Bear in mind that we all make mistakes in life. Cry and move on. You should be determined to start strong on your journey to singledom free from any negative images of yourself.

When you do meet someone new you want to be free from any baggage that might be detrimental to your future relationships. Take deliberate measures to deal with issues from your past relationship that make you insecure, suspicious, reactive or afraid of intimacy.

It takes a strong person to be single in a world that is accustomed to settling for anything just to say they have something

2. Figure out who you are

Over time, we all evolve and change. The process of change is quite natural and healthy, and essential for our growth and development. However, when you are in a committed relationship, you may not see the changes as clearly as when you are single.  

Even the most introspected person sees themselves differently when they are in a relationship. When you are single again, this is an opportunity to carry out a proper assessment of yourself.

  • How much have you changed since you got into your last relationship?
  • What are your dreams?
  • How have your circumstances changed?
  • Why did you choose your values?
  • How does a partner fit into your new life as you see it?
  • What do you really want out of life?

If you take the time to carry out this assessment, you will realize that a lot might have changed in your life a lot more than you realize.

Discover why you are important and refuse to settle for anyone who doesn’t completely agree

3. Become a healthy, stable you

After being in a relationship for a long time, it is necessary that you perform a dating detox. It is crucial that you take the time to heal.

Do you feel angry, sad, disappointed, hurt – feel all the whirlwind of emotions and work through them. This step is essential because it helps you close the door on this relationship and look forward to new possibilities that lie ahead.

Take the time to focus on yourself

In the relationship, you might have been focusing all your attention on your partner that you forgot how to prioritize yourself: your desires, your needs, your goals.

There is no better time to attempt things that you’ve meant to try, engage in activities that make you happy and accomplish things that are important to you.

If you seek paradise outside yourself, you will never have paradise in your heart

4. Have fun

You have an opportunity to spend more time with friends and family, meet new people, and try new and fun activities. Aim at genuinely loving and accepting yourself and to feel whole and happy on your own. Some of the activities you can undertake to bring you to a place of fulfilment include:

  • Spend time with friends and family
  • Have fun redecorating your house
  • Try something that challenges or scares you
  • Start a new hobby
  • Sign up for some group activities
  • Treat yourself to a new hairdo or a complete makeover
  • Flirt and flirt some more!

Single is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not apologize

The journey that is ‘being single'

The process of leaving a relationship does not end the minute you utter the words. It is a long process that will spill over into the future.

Even if you are the one who called off the relationship, there are times you will hurt, times you will feel energized to start the next phase of your life, times you will doubt yourself, and times you just won’t know what to do.

You will require all your mental strength and quite a bit of time to adjust to the loss. Do not berate yourself if you find yourself missing your Ex or reaching for the phone to call or text them. It is all part of the process.

A whole new world…

The secret to how to be single after a long relationship is to, yes, learn the lessons but, engage in activities and adventures that you enjoy, and draw up new goals for yourself. There's plenty more time to do things for yourself, such as read.

Time will then become your ally, and it will help you heal. Hang in there and in a short while, things will become easier to do alone, and you will start enjoying your new found freedom.