The 7 Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated

Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated - Man not sure how to act when with beautiful woman

Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated - Man not sure how to act when with beautiful woman

NOT EVERY MAN OUT THERE IS an alpha male.

Not every guy who has a crush on you has it in him to force himself out of his comfort zone and make the move he is dying to make.

Some guys are introverted, shy and self-conscious. And they find it difficult to muster even the courage to say hello especially if they are intimidated by you.

You are likely to be intimidating to a guy if:

  • You have a successful career: Some guys may think dating a successful career woman is hot, but others will feel as if it is a blow to their ego, dating a CEO while they are probably in the mid-management in their industry.
  • He thinks you look like a model: A guy with the slightest ounce of insecurity in his bones will be intimidated by a gorgeous woman. He may think that your ‘out of his league’ or that you should be dating an equally handsome and extremely rich guy… which he is not.
  • You come from a wealthy family: If you come from a prominent family or have more money than a guy, he may feel intimidated. There is the fear that he may not live up to the kind of lifestyle you are accustomed to, or he is looked down upon by you or your family.
  • You are highly intelligent: You always got straight A’s in school and graduated top of the class. Along with being accepted into every university you applied to; you graduated with distinction. While intelligence has served you well in academia and your profession, some guys fear that they cannot measure up to you, and you will eventually lose interest anyway.
  • You ooze confidence: Do you exude are an aura of confidence wherever you go? Do you get into a crowded room and every head turns in your direction? Do you instantly draw people’s attention with the way you conduct yourself? Some guys will find you difficult to approach.

Unfortunately, it is not easy to figure out the shy guy. It is frustrating to determine whether he is intimidated by you or simply disinterested. Here are a few signs that he likes you but is too scared to say anything.

1. Body language

A guy who has a crush will steal glances at you a lot. The shy one, however, will sneak glances at you when you are not looking; but if you catch him looking at you, he will break eye contact.

Also, he will be anxious and fidgety around you. This guy wants to do everything perfectly. He is trying to be the best version of himself in front of you. Do not be surprised if he breaks into a sweat when he is in your presence.

Watch how he behaves around his friends. Is he the same way with them or is he confident and comfortable around them? If he is only shy in your presence, he is definitely interested.

What to do

Try to make him feel at ease by smiling at his jokes and asking questions about him. Show him respect, and he will slowly build the confidence that he needs to pursue you. Keep it simple with him for now, he may not understand your version of flirting.

2. He seems to be ‘around’ a lot.

If you work together, your crush will hang out by your locker a lot, or maybe go to your favorite coffee place all the time. He will go out of his way to do nice things for you: like grab you a coffee or a snack, share his lunch with you, save you a seat.

He will do everything to catch your attention, but that is it. Indeed, while he may be talkative with others, he will be quiet when he is around you.

These are all good signs. A guy will only hang around a woman he likes. It shows he feels good being around you and therefore he wants to be around you more. He is definitely into you but is probably too scared to tell you.

What to do

You will have to help him break out of his shell. Try to extend the conversation every time. Give him some sign to show him that you like spending time with him; and that you are also interested in him.

3. He loves to highlight his accomplishments

A guy who is intimidated by you will try to unconsciously convince you and him that he is worthy of you. So, he will somehow manage to mention his GPA, his position on the Lacrosse team and the fantastic presentation he made at the managerial meeting yesterday.

He will try to grab your attention with the story of how he rescued a small boy at the pool and how good he is at playing the electric guitar. You might mistake this for bragging, but he is only trying to impress you. He is intimidated by your resume, so he is decorating his.

What to do

Even though this can be exasperating, see the upside. This is his way of trying to impress you. Indulge him a little while and then change the subject to more important things.

4. He might avoid talking about himself

Opposite of bragging, he may avoid talking about his life: income, career, and spending habits. Since this guy is unnerved by you, he will not take the chance of exposing his weakness by talking to you about himself. He would rather talk about your achievements.

This is actually a good strategy. The more he talks about you, the more he learns about you and in the process he might find some common things and interests that you two share.

What to do

Try to extend your conversations with him. Accept his compliments and show him that you enjoy talking to him. This will give him more confidence to share the less glorious aspects of his life.

5. He is there when you need him

If you have a difficult situation and he gets to know of it, he will do even the impossible to solve it. This is his moment to shine, and his actions will say everything that his words have failed to say. He wants to show you he has many admirable attributes: he is supportive, sensitive and trustworthy. He will go the extra mile to make it up for what he lacks financially and professionally.

What to do

If you genuinely like the guy, reciprocate his kind gestures by being there for him during his own challenging situations. Also, let him know how grateful you are for his help.

A guy likes a woman who appeals to his inner hero. When he does all these things for you, it makes him feel manly. Do not ruin his fun by telling him how you are perfectly capable of doing whatever he wants to do for you. Let him feel that he is a man: let him carry the heavy items for you and tell him that you appreciate it. Something like ‘Thanks, I could use muscles like yours more often’ will get the point across.

Let him defend and protect you (even if you really do not need it).

Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated - Man not sure how to act when with beautiful woman

6. He is awkward around you

He may be intimidated by the process of meeting someone he likes, so when/if he gets the courage to talk to you it can be awkward. Odd and bland conversation topics, him being awkward with his gestures.

What to do

Wait it out. He will get there eventually. If you want to see more of his normal side, then ask him about something he cares a lot about. It could be his job/hobby or something he follows (like sports or something science related).

7. He is insecure and jealous

Since he is unable to confess his feelings for you, he is also worried that another guy will attract your attention. Any man who seems to enjoy your presence triggers his hot button: your neighbor, colleagues, and other male friends.

Understand that he is worried that he is not good enough for you and that another man will successfully pursue you and hijack his chance of being with you. This may actually be the only time a guy who is feeling intimidated will act as though he really likes you.

What to do

Do not hold back from socializing with other people just because you fear his reaction. This will form the basis for controlling you, and you will eventually resent him for it. After all, he has not even admitted his feelings for you. He knows what he needs to do, let him do it.

Ultimately

Experts say that men are not concerned about your accomplishments. The one thing that the man cares about is how you make him feel. The man wants the feminine, kind, nurturing woman lurking inside that investment banker, fitness instructor, or top-notch attorney.

So, you know what to do:

  • Get in touch with your softer side and allow your feminine energy to shine.
  • Do not send a guy an email after a date; let him pursue you
  • Tell him your preference, then let him lead: hail the cab, choose the table, open doors you get the drift.
  • Do not talk about work on your date.
  • Dress up: wear light makeup, soft colors, a dress and heels on your dates. It makes him feel important to you.

Thanks for reading this guide on Signs a Guy Likes You But is Intimidated. You can get on the private newsletter and really amp up your chances to meet your dream guy.

Should You Ignore Him to Get His Attention? The Pros and Cons of Playing It Cool…

Ignore Him to Get His Attention - Woman not happy she cant get attention from man

Ignore Him to Get His Attention - Woman not happy she cant get attention from man

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU CAN'T GET HIS attention?

Either you seem him occasionally and he seems not to notice you at all?

Or maybe you are with him every day, but he seems hardly aware of your presence. 

The natural instinct for many women is to pursue the guy. They dress up and doll up hoping that he will finally notice them. They go out of their way to be extra friendly to him, and even smother him with attention.

However, experts say that this approach could not be more wrong. Chasing a guy is going against the natural order of things.

To catch a guy’s attention, the right strategy is to be ‘unavailable’.

Why you shouldn't chase him

If you chase him, he will run

If you pursue a man, you will scare him away. Some men interpret pursuing them as neediness on your part.

A man will be attracted to you more if he knows that you are independent and have a lot of options. If you are not difficult to get, then you are not worth having.

Men love to do the chasing

Experts say that when a man is chasing a woman, he is fulfilling his natural instincts. A guy loves to pursue a woman who is a little bit out of reach because of the challenge.

Every guy wants something unique in the woman he chooses; something special that no other man has been able to attain. It is a macho thing. A man loves the adventure that goes into wooing a girl.

Chasing you will make a guy feel manlier: the winner who successfully hunted and caught the object of his affection.

To be successful in your relationship, you must allow your man to feel like he is the only guy in the world that could have won you; that it was his unique blend of charisma and charm that finally won you over.

You love to be chased

Let us be honest; you love to be chased. You

  • Do not want to feel like you forced yourself to the guy
  • Want to be sure that this incredible guy was not just looking for a relationship with anyone
  • Want to know that it was you and only you that he was interested in.

It isn't a silly thing. It's the best way to know that he wants you and you will feel secure with him.

The PROS: Why you should ignore the guy

Ignoring a guy makes him feel that you is not readily available; that he must work harder to impress you. Experts advise that a woman must make the man feel that he worked hard to get her. Making yourself huntable adds value to your worth. Ignoring a guy, therefore, comes with immense benefits.

It helps him understand your worth

You must understand one thing: if the man you are attracted to has a lot going for him, he is already receiving a lot of attention from the girls and his ego is ballooning.

So, you should not treat him the way every other admirer out there is treating him. You must make him realize that he will not have you easily like he did other girls previously. This is what will set your relationship with him apart from the ones he has had.

You must be emotionally mature to set the right pace for your relationship. Emotional maturity means not allowing your feelings to lead you astray.

How do you want to be treated in that relationship? This is the best time to set the ground rules. Creating some distance will give a guy the opportunity to prove himself. Your emotional maturity and self-worth will surprise the guy and he will chase you.

It releases pressure on the guy

Sometimes the guy may be distracted for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Maybe things are not going well at work; or things are not going his way in the share market. As a result, he might not want to talk to you or to talk at all.

Men define themselves by what they see as their level of ‘success’. This could be their financial ability and the success of their career. If this ‘success’ is threatened, they will go quiet as they try to figure out a way to fix things.

Badgering him when he is going through a rough patch will be counterproductive. Let him know that you are there for him if he needs you but give him the space that he needs.

Sometimes a man needs to stew in his man cave and lick his wounds. He will value you for giving him the space that he needed.

The CONS: Can ignoring a guy backfire?

While ignoring a guy shows him that you are independent, playing hard to get with someone you are interested in can be counterproductive. Playing it too cool early in the relationship robs you of the opportunity to be really present. Guys are insecure beings too, and they need a sign that you are interested.

The downside to ignoring him

  • If he is not sure about how you feel about him, sometimes, ignoring him can be seen as validation. ‘If she ignores me, she must be seeing someone else’. Therefore, ignoring a guy becomes the yardstick to determine that you not are attracted to him.
  • A guy can ignore you by accident by being too busy or too wrapped up in his own affairs to adequately attend to things around him. If you ignore him, you do not achieve anything.
  • Better still a guy could be ignoring you for all the right reasons; he is attracted to you too much and he is trying not to appear needy and desperate.

In these situations, ignoring the guy will not get you the results that you desire.

‘Ignore' him the right way

Ignoring a guy is a delicate balance of making him think you are ignoring him and letting him believe that he has a chance. When you ignore a man, he must feel that he only has to work harder to win you. You should not disregard a guy completely: you will lose him. Always give him hope but do not make it obvious.

While at it, do not mope around waiting for him to notice you. If you wait patiently, you will wait a long while. Be smart and speed up the process by loving yourself.

Engage in confidence-boosting activities: do something that you really enjoy and look your best. Every time you see each other, let him find a confident, independent woman. Be kind to yourself and he will not be able to resist you.

Finally,

You do not want the chase to be temporary. After the guy has got you, he might realize it was all an illusion and you are not really the high-value woman he had made you out to be. You want to make the chase permanent.

A man will chase and commit to a woman whose world he wants to become part of. A woman who is passionate with an exciting world around her will attract an amazing man who will chase her for a very long time.

So… Raise your standards for love

Do not ever settle for less in your relationship. Keep your self-worth intact and do not lose sight of yourself. Your guy should know that if he ever cheats on you, or abuses you in any way, you will go back to your amazing single life.

It sounds like this is for you, but it is for him also. It lets him know he has to be his best, and that will keep him chasing you for the rest of your relationship.

8 Things Guys Do to Get Your Attention – How You Can Hack the Male Mind

Things Guys Do to Get Your Attention

Things Guys Do to Get Your Attention

HE LIKES ME…………… He likes me not.

Few things are as tortuous and confusing as trying to figure out whether a guy is attracted to you or not.

The situation is further complicated by the fact that men are not the greatest communicators. Guys find it especially difficult to tell girls how they really feel about them. As a result, they are more comfortable communicating their feelings with their actions.

While some signs of attraction and interest are more evident than others, it is pretty easy to know when a guy likes you when you know what signs to look out for.

1. It is in his body language

The body language speaks volumes where words fail. So, pay close attention and see if you can identify some of the following subtle behaviors:

  • Eye contact: If a guy likes you, he will use eye contact to convey interest. Naturally, people’s eyes wander around the room, but if it feels like he cannot tear his eyes from you, he might just be attracted to you.
  • A light touch: People touch the people they like. There is no better way to determine that a guy has romantic feelings towards you than when he looks for every excuse to touch you. He will pick lint off your jacket, gently guide you towards the door, and regularly brush your arm ‘accidentally.’
  • The way he faces: Does he typically face you with his feet when he’s in the same vicinity? Feet direction is thought to be more likely a subconscious choice due to their distance from the brain. If his feet are usually facing you, then it is an indication that he is thinking of you.
  • Leaning inward: A guy will lean towards a girl that he likes and distance himself from the ones he does not like. He will angle his pelvis to face you when you are standing and lean in when you are seated.

2. He asks you personal questions

A guy who is interested in you will want to know everything about you. He will, therefore, ask you a lot of questions. By enquiring about your personal life, he is hoping to get to know you better and also create a bond between the two of you. And he will want to know about it all:  your childhood, your family, your goals and even your fears.

Furthermore, this says a lot about his intelligence: he knows that as human beings, we have many sides and shades within us that we offer to the world. Asking questions is his way of trying to know the real you.

Asking you about yourself also indicates that he is enjoying his time with you. It is an easy and stress-free way to sustain a conversation and keep the dialogue flowing.

While listening to you helps him to get to know you better, it also gives him the opportunity to show you how much you mean to him.

Does he ask you questions about your work? About your family? About your upbringing? Does he recall specific information and topics you once talked about? Does he remember the smallest details from your past conversations? Yep, he is definitely falling for you.

3. He does everything to stand out and fend off competition.

A guy who likes you will do everything to impress you. He might show off his physical strength and bring up stories and anecdotes about his life that he knows will make him stand out. In some cases, even the most modest guy will become a bit of a show off around you. This is especially the case if a guy is the quiet type; he will feel compelled to brag about his accomplishments to impress you.

A guy who is attracted to you will also amp the risk factor when he is around you. It is not uncommon for a guy to intentionally put himself in the face of danger to catch your attention. Guys know women are attracted to bold and fearless males. And they are likely to deploy this strategy when an opportunity arises.

It is for the same reason that a guy will leap mindlessly to your defense, in something that he has no idea what it is all about; whether it is in social situations or on social media. He wants you to see him as your knight in shining armor.

Does he drive recklessly fast when he is with you? Now you know; he is very attracted to you.

4. He pays special attention to you.

If you are in a crowd of people, a man who is smitten will give you more attention than anyone else present. You can test it out: Move away from the group that he is in. Say you need a drink or something. Then don’t return. If he likes you, he will try to catch your eye across the room, or even follow you.

He will be sensitive to your moods, and he can tell when you are going through something. So, the next time he is pushing you to tell him whether everything is ok, take it as a compliment and not nagging. It just means that he cares much more than you probably realized.

Does he notice that you have changed the way you do your hair? Or that you are putting on different makeup? Wonder no more: he definitely likes you.

5. He wants to make your life easier

A guy who likes you will take care of you to his best of abilities. He will go out of his way to do nice things for you. It could be something as small as carrying your shopping bags. Does the guy:

  • Open the car door for you?
  • Open up the water bottle for you?
  • Bring you coffee?
  • Give you a ride home?
  • Help to set up your new TV?
  • Lend you his jacket when it is cold?
  • Offer to drive you to the airport when you have to catch a flight?

These small gestures indicate one thing: the guy is into you.

A quick note on shy guys

When I grew up I was shy. And shy guys act a little differently around girls that they like.

6. He may completely ignore you

Fear of rejection is a big thing for guys, especially when they are in public. It takes a lot of boldness for a guy to put himself in a position to be publicly rejected. So what does the guy do: he ignores you completely. Or he could ignore you when you are in the larger society, but talk to you when you are alone.

7. He opens up when you two are alone (or when he feels comfortable)

Is he completely oblivious to your presence when there are other people around but cheers up the moment the two of you are alone together? No doubt, he likes you, but he is intimidated, shy and/or scared.

This doesn’t make him any less of a man. He may have simply grown up with an overbearing parent/sibling/relative and simply isn’t sure what to do next with you.

8. He tries to predict something about you or tell you about yourself

If he doesn’t know better, it’s his way of telling you that he has thought about you. It can be cute (and less annoying) if you think of it that way.

Final word

In a study published by psychological Science, researchers discovered that women underestimate the amount of romantic interest shown to them by men. As such, by the time you start noticing gestures that indicated that a guy likes you, he will be deeply attracted to you.

You, therefore, need to decide quickly on what you will do about the situation. If you are interested in the guy, give your own signs that you are also into him. Meet him halfway; reciprocate by doing nice things for him.

If you are not interested in the guy, do not try to take advantage of his interest in you. Let him know immediately, and you might just get yourself a wonderful friend.

More information

Do you ever feel like you don't understand men? Like you have no idea how he's feeling or what he will do next? If this sounds like you then this short video will change your relationships with men forever.

In it, James Bauer describes the number one driving force in a mans brain and how he tries to satisfy it in everything that he does. Watch it now, your future self will thank you!

Thanks for reading Things Guys Do to Get Your Attention. If you have any comments questions or queries you can contact me here.

“The Apps Don’t Work” – 7 Old-Fashioned Ways How To Find A Date Offline

The apps dont work - old fashioned ways to find a date offline

The apps dont work - old fashioned ways to find a date offline

YOU'VE TRIED ALL THE apps. The new ones and the popular ones. You’ve tried the older style websites and even the specialist niche websites…

And you're still single…

Maybe it’s time to consider some technology-free options. So in that vein, here are 7 old-fashioned ways how to find a date offline, and meet that someone special

Volunteering

Volunteering is fantastic in more ways than one:

  • You are giving back. Immense satisfaction comes with giving back to the community
  • You enjoy the company of like-minded individuals.
  • Volunteering allows you to meet your partner in the noblest way.
  • You have the privilege to know your partner quickly and in the most natural state: no dating games.

Volunteering places you on the path of people who have the same values, spirit, and mindset as your own. When you connect with a potential partner through volunteering, you start out knowing that the two of you have some values in common and a load of similar experiences to look back on.

In 2013, Voluntary Service Overseas (VSO) realized that a number of their volunteers had fallen in love while volunteering abroad. During Valentine’s Day, the organization made this the theme of their message. They encouraged single people to volunteer, telling them that on top of helping a community to fight poverty, they could possibly find love.

So get out there and find something that you would love to do to give back to the society, volunteer and possibly fall in love.

Go to places of worship and weddings

You may not even be religious for all you know, but that’s beside the point. Places of worship and weddings are a great place to find potential partners. The sense of familiarity that comes with the church and related ceremonies means that a lot of barriers are already broken. As such, even complete strangers have a sense of familiarity with them.

When you see a man that you are attracted to, you will have the confidence to approach him. Being in a familiar territory also encourages the guys to approach.

Tip: Try to sit somewhere visible where there is some space for a single guy to sit next to. Also, make a rule to sit next to the first single guy you see; and guess what, you might just change your life.

Take hobbies that get you interacting with people

The best partner is the one who shares your lifestyle and your preference in how you spend your time and money. Making time for your hobbies allows you to connect with like-minded people. Challenge yourself to invest in your social calendar.

Having shared interests is a great strength in any long-term relationship: take up salsa dancing, attend vintage car rallies or go to cheer your favorite team. You will be off to a good start if you meet a guy doing something you love. Your shared interest gives you a ready topic of conversation to get things going.

People at a party - how to find a date offline

Attend your friends' parties

Meeting a guy through your friends can be a real bonus: You have something in – common – the mutual friend and your friend can vouch for his character. According to research conducted by Mic in 2015, more 18 – 24 years old met their current partners through mutual friends than through any other means.

Meeting a potential partner through a friend is reassuring because you can trust your friend’s judgment.

Having a friend’s stamp of approval of a partner is not only helpful in making the initial connection; it is also important once the relationship gets going. Research shows that people who meet through friends feel more supported in their relationships.

Woman having a good time at a party - image for how to find a date offline

Sit at the bar

You probably already spend a good bit of time out at bars and clubs socializing. But, if you are more intentional, your visit to the bar can be extra productive, and you could meet someone special.

  • Do not visit just any club. Choose a place that puts time, effort and thought into the establishment. This is the kind of place where you are likely to meet thoughtful, hardworking guys who value themselves.
  • Sit at the bar if you can. The bar is the point of focus in the room, and it is much more inviting than the individual tables. Even the most confident man will hesitate before approaching a woman seated at a table. The bar will encourage a guy to approach and start a natural conversation.
  • If you are a regular at a club, befriend the bartender. The girls and guys behind the bar know everything. They would be a perfect source of intel on potential guys. They could not only point you in the right direction but also steer you away from harm’s way.

Alumni events

Alumni events are great for meeting great guys. An alumni event is designed around talking to others and exchanging information. It is, therefore, an easy way to make a connection that could turn into a long-lasting school romance.

Whether it is the graduate school, college or high school, or even the elementary school, an alumni event is a non-stressful way to meet a quality man. Why? The guys at these events already share with you a fundamental commonality and connection.

Whichever guy you bump into, you already have some insight about him. Also, you may know some of the same people, which will help to increase the bond that the two of you share.

Church functions

You may not be religious, but places of worship are a great place to meet great guys. However, you have to be strategic about your sitting position. Try to sit somewhere visible where a single guy can sit next to or near you. In fact, why don’t you sit next to the first single guy that you see? You might just make his day.

Weddings are also significant potential functions to meet great guys. If you know the bride or groom separately, you are able to meet an entirely new network of the couple’s friends. The fact that they were invited to the wedding in the first place means that they are quality guys.

Final thoughts

Finding the right guy is not the end. More work will go into building a great relationship. Consider the following tips for building a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

  • Be mindful of the law of attraction. You use the law of attraction in your love life all the time; whether you are aware of it or not. Question is, what are you attracting?

You can attract love, companionship, and joy or you can attract loneliness. Desperation and complaining; ‘I am single and lonely, and it seems there is no one out there for me’ will frustrate all your good efforts to find a great relationship.

How many desperate people have you seen in great relationships?

  • Seek for partnership, not just romance. It is exciting to have a guy who sweeps you off your feet. However, finding a partner who likes to give and take, who seeks your opinion and considers it, is even a greater blessing.

Instant sexual attraction often fades: Most good love is a slow burn.

  • When you meet someone, do not hurry things along. When you connect with a guy, allow that connection to grow. Do not play games, apply seduction techniques or manipulate the man.
  • Date smart: watch out for the red flags. Red flags indicate that the relationship will not grow into a healthy, long-lasting love. Pay close attention to the guy and trust your instincts. If you ever feel undervalued, insecure or ashamed, it is probably a good idea to reevaluate the relationship.
    • Is the guy alcohol dependent?
    • Is he having trouble honoring his commitments?
    • Is he excessively jealous about your other interests?
    • Is the relationship exclusively sexual?

Lastly:

Invest in yourself. Even if you find a great guy, you will not have a great relationship if there are some parts of you missing. You do not need to be with someone to feel content. You must be whole by yourself.

Do not look for someone to heal you from your insecurities; what you need is to heal from your insecurities so that you can find someone.

Thanks for reading my guide on how to find a date offline. If you have any questions or queries, then contact me here

5 Questions To Ask Your Future Husband…

Questions to Ask a Guy Before Deciding Hes the One - Woman on a Date with Man

Questions To Ask Your Future Husband - Woman on a Date with Man

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF the men you dated came with stickers?

Stickers that say, ‘I am not trustworthy’, ‘I am never getting married’, ‘I will end up cheating on you!’, or something like ‘I am a man of integrity, and I will be a great husband and dad’.

Well, the stickers may not exist in the real sense of the word; but the messages do. Lauren Frances indicates that men give clues that can help you know their personality, interpret their agenda and spot any red flags. Better still, you can obtain all the information that you need from your potential partner simply by asking him questions.

Men have their own relationship goals, and they would be happy to share them with a woman. Many women do not know where a relationship is going because they never ask, and only muster the courage to ask three or four years later.

In ‘Act like a Lady, Think like a Man’, Steve Harvey interviews a lot of men who were self-proclaimed ‘players’. All the ‘players’ indicated that if the women had quizzed them upfront about their intentions, they would have told them right away that they were not looking for anything serious. The guys indicated that the women they dated didn’t ask the essential questions for fear of running the guys off, so they (the guys) just strung the women along.

Why you should ask questions

Just because you love each other does not mean you will automatically create a great life together. Many times, great relationships end despite people loving each other deeply; one is too ambitious while the other is not ambitious enough, one wants children, but the other one does not, one is self-driven while the other one is a slob. So you see, you better ask the questions early enough before you invest so much time, effort and emotions.

Lose the fear

The first step is to get over the fear of losing a man by asking him important questions. In every area of life, taking chances to get what you want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared. Just stop being afraid already. If being clear about your requirements means you risk him walking away, then it is a risk you are going to have to take. In any case, you will only scare the wrong guys off.

What to do

To get the most out of your relationships, you must change your strategy. Start by ensuring that the man is really clear from the word go about what he wants out of his life and his relationship with you.

Q1: What are your plans for the future?

This is truly an important question; you need to know whether you and him share goals and dreams. From his answer, you will able to determine whether:

  • You fit in his plan
  • What role you can play in the plan.
  • You need to remove yourself from the equation.

The man you want to involve yourself with is the one who has a solid plan; one that you can see yourself in. If he has no vision, you do not want to be part of that confusion and mayhem. He is not going anywhere and sooner or later, you will be stuck too.

Q2: How do you feel about me?

This is a question that you will ask after a few dates. If he cannot tell how he feels about you after a month of dating, then he does not feel anything for you; he just wants something. At this point, you are not looking for him to confess his undying love for you; it is too soon anyway.

However, you can expect answers like: I love talking to you, I always wonder what you are doing, and I feel a little better whenever you come around. In other words, his answer should make you feel fantastic. He may not be in love with you just yet, but he will let you know that he is crazy about you and he wants to pursue a long-term relationship with you.

If you realize that his feelings for you are barely scratch the surface, and he is nowhere near where you want him to be, step on the brakes until you hear the things that you need to hear from him.

Q3: Do you believe in marriage?

This sounds like a scary question to ask, but look at this way; you are not telling him that you want to get married to him now, you are only asking him what he believes.

This question will help you to establish whether the guy wants to get married in the first place. That he is in a relationship with you does not necessarily mean that he wants to get married. Also, the fact that he has been dating you for a while is no guarantee that he wants to marry YOU.

Q4: How do you feel about having children?

Over the last few decades, things have changed, and more people feel less need to have children. If you want children, it is best to find out if your man wants children as well before you commit to him. Do not make any assumptions.

If you realize that both of you want children, great! Find out more about what he thinks of children:

  • How many children does he want?
  • How does he feel about having all boys? Or all girls?
  • What would he do if you discovered that as a couple you could not have children?
  • Is he open to alternative ways of having children; like adoption?

Q5: What are your thoughts about religion?

Religion is a big issue, and it is ironic that many couples do not discuss it before committing. If religion is especially important to you, it is prudent to ask all the relevant questions.

  • Does he practice any religion?
  • If the two of you practice different religions, who will be willing to switch to the other’s?
  • What religion will your children practice?

Quick tip: Ask your guy about his relationship with God. If you realize that the man has no relationship with God, has no belief system or guiding force in his life, this might be a huge problem.

  • What moral barometer does he answer to?
  • What makes him feel whole?
  • What is going to make him do right by you?

By all means, you can date a guy who does not go to church or have a relationship with God, but if his core beliefs do not match with yours, you are likely to have challenges in your relationship.

Final thoughts

  • Men love to talk about themselves; they do this because they know that to get you, they have to impress you. Allow him to impress. The more inquisitive and interested you are, the more the information he will give you.
  • Believe what you hear. Do not stick around hoping that the guy will change his mind about something down the road. For instance, if he does not want kids, he will probably not change his mind, regardless of how deeply he feels about you.
  • Do not be afraid of the answers you might get. See the answers as a way to plan your future. Be proud that you are proactively creating a future that you will love.
  • Do your best to be equally honest about your expectations from the start. Be absolutely clear that your man understands that you are looking for long-term relationship, marriage, children…. whatever it is, define it for him so that you are on the same page.

Lastly:

The reason why you are asking all these questions is because you like a guy and you want to find out if the two of you have a future together. You do not intend to make him feel uncomfortable.

So, do not ask all the questions in one sitting and do not ask them in a formal way. You are not interrogating the guy. Be tactful; make the conversation as casual and as fun as you can.

Thanks for reading this guide on Questions To Ask Your Future Husband, if you have any comments or questions you can contact me here.