YOU ARE OUT WITH your friends and an incredibly gorgeous guy catches your eye.
But he is not making a move.
You size him up, and you just have this strong feeling that you would hit it off. . What do you do?
If you still think that sitting there quietly while looking cute, smiling slightly from time to time, will draw the guy to you, get him to take care of everything and show you the time of your life, you are mistaken.
After all, we are in the 21st century. This means that women need to be more proactive in attracting a man. Take for instance the following myth most women hold onto:
The myth; if a guy likes me, he will come over.
Most women continue to live under the impression that making the first move is exclusively a guy thing.
They believe that if he likes them, he will approach, and if he is not approaching, it’s because he isn’t interested. This is completely untrue. A guy could be attracted to you so much and still not make a move.
Women grossly overestimate male confidence. They assume that all guys find it super easy to approach girls. The reality is that men find approaching much harder than girls could ever realize. Everybody fears embarrassment and rejection.
Did you know: The more a guy is attracted to you, the less likely he is to approach you? The hardest woman for a guy to approach is the one he likes the most. Think about that!
Why do women find it difficult to flirt?
Many girls look at flirtation as an audition for a relationship, and they instantly become afraid of being rejected.
The better way to look at flirting is merely as a way of showing a guy your interest and curiosity and inquiring about his: it is not classless, and it is not desperation.
When you flirt with a man, you are not asking him for marriage and children; you are only telling him that you find him interesting and you would love to spend some time with him.
Did you know: when you do not flirt with a man you like and make it clear, you are more likely to end up in the dreaded friend zone?
Get his attention
The first step is to get the guy’s attention. Make eye contact for a few seconds and then look away.
If you look back at him a few moments later and he is still looking at you, stay locked on his eyes for a short while. Then give him a little smirk and look away again. If you catch his eye the third time, it is all you need to know that he is interested in you.
Note: Keep an eye out of a female companion who might have stepped away to the bathroom before you flirt with the guy.
What if he doesn't approach…?
There are many reasons why men do not approach women they are interested in.
If he doesn't, and you have made eye contact with him then you have a couple of options.
- You can move yourself to the edge of your group to give him the invitation to come over to you
- You can go to a neutral third place by yourself (i.e. the bar or somewhere else
Should you approach him?
Yes, you can approach him. Although some women think that approaching a guy is quite challenging and sets the wrong mood for the encounter.
The truth is that you will only know the answer to any of your questions (‘What if he finds me weird, aggressive, desperate or slutty?' What will I say to him?') by talking to him.
By actually talking to him, and if he's not going to approach then you will need to.
If you allow your fears to conquer you, you will let a guy who might be a great date, which could turn into a great relationship simply walk away. Without any chance of knowing what could have happened.
How sad is this! Do not allow the life you could probably have casually drift by.
It is becoming more and more common for women to make the first move. It isn't as taboo as it once was. If he isn't going to approach, and you really want to see what he is like, then go get 'em.
A quick note on how men feel when approached
Men love it. It's an ego boost for them that they very rarely get.
Turn the tables
The reason why women fear flirting with guys is fear of rejection. While this is normal, you can turn the tables.
Instead of wondering whether he will like you, ask yourself:
- Do I like him?
- Does he seem interesting?
- Does he look like someone I would enjoy spending time with?
The reality is that it's your choice. So turn this from being liked to being selective, and you will automatically feel empowered.
Dazzle with conversation
What you say and the questions you ask should be designed to help you get a sense of the guy, while at the same time drawing him out.
Many people think the first conversation you have with someone should be a lot of questions. I disagree. Instead, talk about:
- The environment you find yourself in
- The way he is dressed
- Something completely random
- Hobbies, passions and habits (as long as they aren't serious)
- Something that you noticed about him (although keep it very broad, you don't want to come across as a stalker. A good rule for this is to make sure it couldn't be argued. i.e. make a comment on where he is standing, a t-shirt he is wearing etc.)
Keeping it light and fun will help draw him out. This will help you:
- Discover who is actually is sooner
- Help him build a stronger connection with you sooner
- Keep him engaged in the conversation with you
Need his help
Guys love (and need) to feel helpful. Needing the help of a guy is an excellent way to start a conversation.
Here you can ask questions because they lead into experiences and aren't like a job interview. Ask him:
- To scan the crowd for your friend in a yellow sweater and playfully complain that you are just too short to look yourself
- What he thinks of where you two are
- If he can fix something… (your phone is in another language, how did that happen… 🙂
- Where the bathroom is (if your stuck for something else)
Guys just love to be needed.
Do you see how you use compliments to connect with other women: ‘I love you purse,’ ‘your shoes are gorgeous’………
The same works with men. Everyone wants to be complimented. A guy will be thrilled to know that you find him capable, smart, fascinating, and funny.
As you converse with him, listen to him keenly and give sincere compliments.
- Let him know that you agree with something he says
- Ask him to suggest a book or a restaurant and let him know what you thought
- Tell him that you find his job or business interesting
Note: Men rarely receive compliments from women. When you give him well thought out compliments, you will stand out, and he will take a second look.
You do not want to achieve nothing after all the effort you have made. That is why making plans is a great idea; it gives the conversation a purpose.
It is also a great flirting tactic because it tells the guy that you want to spend some more time with him.
You can subtly introduce plan making by saying, ‘I don't believe you, I think that' something i need to see/hear/witness/experience in person'.
‘You'll have to check it (something you talked about previously) out sometime, i'm there on Thursday evenings'
When making plans, it is best to be specific:
‘See you some other time!’ is not as concrete as, ‘We should go running together.'
A flirtatious encounter should end with making plans because this sets the stage for another meeting.
Flirt with him via text
Many women find it hard to flirt over text messages considering their crush cannot hear their voice or read their body language.
However, there are many advantages to flirting over text.
Firstly, you can take your time to say the perfect thing. Also, you are not under pressure to think of immediate responses as it happens in a face to face conversation. Texts also get him thinking of you when you are not around.
Sending a guy flirting texts allows him to know what is in your mind and opens up the conversation.
First things first: is he interested in you?
Before you begin flirting with a guy via text, you need to check out whether he is at least mildly interested in you.
You will know that your crush is receptive to your flirting if he is responsive, responds to your messages without too much of a lag time and he carries on the conversation.
Message the guy in response to something he has posted
When the guy posts something on social media, take the initiative to send him a direct message instead of passively liking his post.
Let’s say he posts the picture of his dog. You could send him a direct message saying, ‘Your dog is completely adorable. What kind is she?’ Or he posts a video from a concert he attended: you can message him, ‘just saw your video from last night’s concert. I love the band. How were they?’
The key here is to include at least a question in your message so that you can open the door for further conversation.
Ask flirty questions- not job interview questions
Once you get the conversation going, ask interesting questions. The key is to avoid asking questions that will require ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. Your questions should be more specific.
Great questions make him choose, and that choice says something about himself.
instead of asking him, ‘Do you love movies?’ You could ask him, ‘Star Wars or Star Trek?’, ‘Rom Com or Thriller?', ‘Documentary or Drama?'
These dilemma questions make him take a side, and usually defend it. Which is a great way to know more about someone, in a flirty kind of way.
Good topics to explore in the beginning include hobbies, career, and family.
As your conversation and relationship progresses, the questions can lead him. ‘Why are you so cute?’ ‘Our first kiss is going to be epic, don’t you think so?’ ‘What would you do if I asked you to come over? I want to have this conversation in person?’
Be a little suggestive
There are subtle ways you can show interest in a guy over text. For instance, if he says he is eating pizza for dinner, you can say you wish you were eating the pizza instead of whatever you are having.
You can also hint at sexy things without being blatant. If you did not see his message right away, you could tell him you are sorry you missed his message, but you have just got out of the shower.
This does not outright flirt, but it is a sly way of making him think about you in the shower.
Send him picture texts
Picture texts are a fun way to stay engaged with your crush. Saying your dog looks adorable when sleeping can never be as captivating as sending him the real picture.
Always ensure you look your best in the photos that you send to him. Simley faces, emojis, meme's, and gifs are all handy for composing a witty message and showing your intent.
Open the door to take things off chat
You do not want to remain flirting over text for too long. Fortunately, there are numerous opportunities to subtly hint at taking things a notch higher.
- Did he say that he bought something for his house; say you would love to see it sometime.
- Does he talk about his pet all the time; joke that you are confident you would win his dog over in a heartbeat because animals love you.
- Did he ask you a personal question: indicate that the answer is too long, you will have to tell him in person.
- Are they screening a move you love: this is a terrific excuse to meet up.
The final thought
The best part about flirting is that you can do it over and over again. Flirting can be a fun game where any guy you see becomes fascinating, and you want to find a little bit more about him.
The more you flirt with gorgeous guys, the more it takes anxiety and pressure out of talking to them. The bonus is that you will live a more vibrant, more fulfilling, fun and exciting life.
If you've come this far, i'd like to say thanks for reading my guide on how to flirt with a guy – the modern way. You can contact me if you have a comment or question.