Sex Tips for Women – A Shortened Guide for Even Happier Endings

Sex Tips for Women - Woman and man passionately kissing
Sex Tips for Women - Woman and man passionately kissing

There is nothing that is comparable to sex: the feeling is heavenly, and the tremor-inducing release of serotonin and other endorphins boosts your immune system and decreases anxiety and stress.

However, it has the potential to be both the most amazing or the most unfulfilling aspect of your life. It can be a source of ultimate pleasure or a frustrating, empty experience…

Research shows that not many women realize the full potential of sex:

A survey by Durex Sexual Wellbeing revealed that one in three women are turned off from sex. The study showed that these women feel that the kind of sex on offer is not really what excites them. According to Dr. Andres Pennington, even though all women are capable of having an orgasm: almost one in twenty women have never had one.

If you are not getting enough sex or the enjoyment that you know you deserve from sex, remember that sex is more than sexual chemistry. It is not easy to get sex right every time, but with a few tips and tricks, you can take your sexual experience to the next level.

So, how is your sex life? Are you doing it often? Are you doing it correctly? What else is there to try?

Here are some tips to ensure that your bedroom experience will be as pleasurable as possible for you and your man:

The Shortened Guide to Better Sex and other Sex Tips for Women

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked his geography  

Robert Byrne

For men, sex is mostly a physical attraction, while for women it is an emotional connection. A woman must, therefore, go an extra mile and work on the man’s physical parts for a satisfactory sexual experience.

To optimize your sexual experience, appreciate your man’s prowess in bed and praise him. This will boost his ego and spike his desire for you by manifold.

The pressure of satisfying you may turn off your man’s desire. Do you want to eliminate this fear? Guide him to your erogenous spots and do so with caution without puncturing his self-esteem.

Never use sex as a bargaining tool. You are the only source of your man’s physical pleasure.

Sex: The thing that takes up the least of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

John Barrymore

A woman’s orgasm can last as long as twenty seconds whereas a man’s will be over the entire experience in just three minutes. Furthermore, a woman is capable of having multiple climaxes in a single romp.

How to prolong your orgasm

If your climaxes are too short, delay gratification by edging. Edging involves pulling back at the last moment when you near the orgasm. Repeating this process two or three times will build a longer more powerful orgasm.

Even though one in twenty women have never had an organism, every woman is capable of having an orgasm. Many women just have discovered how.

For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in their ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.

Isabel Allende

Your sexual malfunction is not in your mechanical part. Sex therapists assert that eighty percent of your orgasm is tied up with psychological issues that you may be experiencing:

  • Your cultural and religious programming
  • Your past sexual experiences
  • How comfortable you are with your body
  • How safe you feel with the guy that you are having sex with
  • Where you are having sex

Although your libido may decrease as you get older, the quality of your orgasms only gets better

To enhance your sexual performance and intensify your orgasm, increase the ‘love drug’ oxytocin in your system. All you need is more hugging, kissing, cuddling and other bonding activities.

Among men, sex results in intimacy: among women intimacy results in sex.

Barbara Cartland

Quick tips to get more out of sex

Did you know? Your clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, which is twice the number in a penis

According to Hilda Hutcherson, author of ‘Pleasure,’ a quick hot bath or placing a warm washcloth over your vulva for a few minutes before sex leads to increased pleasure. Heat will boost blood flow to your vagina, leading to increased lubrication and heightened sensitivity.

Take advantage of the first two days of your cycle when your testosterone levels surge, your breasts and clitoris become extra sensitive, and your libido soars. Your orgasms will be intense, and multiples are much more likely.

Stop defining yourself as an orgasm:

  • You are much more than orgasm. The enjoyment you experience during sex should not be desecrated by the failure to be orgasmic.
  • Stop exaggerating how bad it is not to have an orgasm

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as far as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

Psychology Today

Did you know? Men have a spot which when stimulated causes untold pleasure? The organ is known as the prostate, and it is located right under a man’s bladder. You can reach it by placing a finger inside the guy’s anus and moving it in a circular motion.

Research shows that if you are having trouble reaching orgasm when having sex, wearing a pair of socks makes it easier for you to orgasm by warming your feet.

You should never compare your sexual sex experiences to another person’s. Comparison is the thief of joy. No two women experience sex the same way.

Great lovers are made, not born. Sex is not effortless. Educate yourself about your body and your man’s body

Do not compare your man with your current partners. As much as your past experiences can be a good foundation of your sexual skills, realize that different things work for different men.

Sex relieves tension – love causes it.

Woody Allen

Did you know? Sex increases your memory. During sex, blood flows to the hippocampal region of the brain, which improves your ability to remember words and phrases

‘Society' and it's impact on our sex lives

It may seem like there is no connection, but images in the media and our general perception of what society thinks is OK and normal impacts our sex lives.

Even though you may feel as though your body doesn’t look great at the moment, do not allow this consciousness to spoil your sexual experience. When you are making love, your man is not worried about any imperfections that you may have. Besides, his body is probably not perfect either.

Forget about ‘normal’ sex and do not feel ashamed about your quirk’s and fantasies. In a study:

  • 11% of the women had tried bondage
  • 20% of the respondents had used a blindfold
  • 30% of the women had had anal sex
  • 62% of the women admitted to masturbating three to four times a week
  • 18% indicated that they preferred oral sex

Sex is perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable, and it enhances a relationship. So, why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings, because we are all sexual?

Sue Johansson

Sex should feel amazing. If it’s painful at all, you should find out why. It could be a small matter of adding a lubricant or changing positions.

Be squeaky clean. Keeping everything fresh will optimize your sexual experience.

Also be prepared for things that may happen during sex like wanting to go to the bathroom or the phone ringing

It is not all up to your man. Share the responsibility and take on a portion of your own sexual pleasure.

They only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.

Alfred Kinsey

In Summary…

Between work projects, children, and other pressures, amazing sex may seem like a fantasy.  I hope these tips will help you turn up the heat again. These insights encourage you to challenge your existing thoughts about sex, and reflect on what you are doing right or wrong.  

And remember, no one has it all together when it comes to sex.  Sex can be confusing and surprising even for the most experienced among us.  There is no one size fit all.

Different partners bring with them sets of demands, expectations, and experiences.  

Luckily, with excellent communication and all the self-help materials available out there, you should be able to have a fantastic sexual experience.

EXPERT ADVICE: Should you have Sex on the First Date?

Should you have Sex on the First Date - Silhouette of couple on the beach

HE IS HOT, AND the sexual energy cannot be denied. Everything is going well. The dinner is fantastic, and you haven’t had such a lovely conversation for a long time. He smiles, leans forward, and in the sexiest voice whispers:

Your place or mine?

You panic and freeze. Should you have sex with him?

Will he still respect you if you agree to have sex with him on the first date, or will he relegate you to booty call zone? What if you turn him down? Will he think that you are stuck up and uninteresting?

The Dilemma

There is a lot to think about when deciding whether to have sex on the first date or not.

For instance, if the sex isn’t awesome right off the bat, it could be a deal breaker. Unfortunately, you can’t always be sure that first date sex will be phenomenal because a lot of pressure accompanies it. Also, some women may fear to scare off guys by appearing to be too sexually aggressive.

On the other hand, there is always the chance that if a woman doesn’t ooze sexuality, the man will not ask for a second date.

We may not give you a definitive answer in this article as to whether you should be intimate on the first date or not since every situation is unique. However, we will give you sound arguments for both opinions so that you can make an informed decision.

The Debate:

CAMP NO: Why you should not have sex on your first date

As much as the traditional rules of dating and sex have changed, there are still many reasons why having sex on the first date is probably not a wise idea.

You will be sleeping with a perfect stranger

Firstly, you have obviously spent very little time with this guy, and you, therefore, do not know much about him. There are inherent risks that come with sleeping with a man that you just met.  Also, in all likelihood, you have not discussed protection and STIs. So, how will you ensure that you are safe?

Again, you probably haven’t had any meaningful conversation regarding sex and boundaries. Do you know whether you can trust the man to treat you respectfully? Are you comfortable enough with him to be assertive and communicate your pleasure and displeasure during sex?

Guys believe that there is something special about women who make them wait

An interview with guys indicated that men are still pleasantly surprised by a woman who makes them wait. It is the nature of a man: the harder a girl is willing to make him work for it, the more he is attracted to her.

Indeed, some guys indicated that when a woman made the man wait to have sex, it made them realize that they wanted to wait for it too despite their original plans. Other guys indicated that it is refreshing to meet a woman who didn’t want to give it up all at once, leaving them with something to look forward to.

The anxiety of the first date sex

Sex therapists say that first date sex comes with untold anxiety. If you are not interested in a relationship with the guy, you will be wondering how to extricate yourself in case he wants to see you again.

On the other hand, if you are hoping for a relationship, you will be worrying that you have given the wrong impression. Maybe the guy will think that you are easy and that you do it with other guys all the time. Sometimes, even though the chemistry is there, it makes much more sense to wait. After all, the chemistry will be there on the second, and the third, and the fourth date.

Sex clouds your judgment

Celebrity match maker, Alessandra Conti, says that sex on the first date is even more disadvantageous for women. When you have sex, your body is flooded by oxytocin which makes you want to bond with and trust the man. This makes your judgment significantly impaired.

As a result, you are more likely to let things slide and overlook the deal breakers if the relationship progresses. Sex therapists warn that sexual chemistry is not always the best guide when one is searching for a long term commitment.

Also, because of the hormones that you release during sex, potential ghosting becomes much more painful. Being ghosted by a guy is painful even when you have not slept with him. However, the difference is that you are now chemically and emotionally bonded to him, and it will make it twice as hard to get over him.

CAMP YES: Why sex on the first date is not a deal breaker

The stigma surrounding sex on the first date has changed significantly. Consider the following statistics:

A survey conducted by OkCupid revealed that 46% of users would comfortably have sex on the first date.

A 2013 research by Cosmopolitan revealed that 67 percent of the men said that they would totally have sex on the first date and that they would not think any less about a woman who has sex on the first date.

Yet, another study by Singles in America revealed that men are three times more likely to use a one night stand to form a relationship. The same survey revealed that 25 percent of the respondents had turned a one night stand into a relationship. Indeed, many of the respondents indicated that sleeping together on the first date helps them to determine whether there is a connection between them and the woman.

Sex on the first date helps you know whether you have chemistry

Many times, it takes time to figure out whether you have a connection with a guy. But once in a while, you meet one, and you just know.

Some relationship experts believe that lusting after someone that you don’t know well can still be an excellent start to a long-lasting relationship. As such, it seems that first date sex has its place in the formation of romantic relationships. It eliminates the weirdness  

Once you sleep with a guy, you surpass the weird first date zone. At least you will have bonded to the level that you are comfortable seeing each other naked. From that point going forward, communication and subsequent hang out sessions can only be easier.

If you feel that the connection was real, there will be no beating around the bush about wanting to see him again. If on the other hand, none of you was looking for anything serious, you might have found good friends in each other. It is a win – win.

What to do if you want to have sex on the first date

If you have great chemistry with a guy, you should not have to deny yourself. However, to avoid the guilt, shame and regret that potentially accompanies the first date sex, you need to make your choice for the right reasons for you.

Have sex for the right reasons

Why do you want to have sex? Is it to explore your sexuality? Do you hope to assess your compatibility with the guy? Do you want to give/receive pleasure?

When you know the reason why you want to do it, you will be more realistic about the outcome. Having sex because you are under pressure to please the man or because you hope to convince him to get serious about you is wrong.

You should only have sex because you want to. And always remember that there is no guarantee that the sex will lead to anything more.

Think about where it will happen and whether you feel safe enough doing it

Safety first! Where will you be having sex? At your place? At his? In a hotel? Do you plan to use protection? Are you on birth control?  

Wherever it is, you must ensure that you feel physically and emotionally comfortable in the space.

Talking of safety, do you feel safe with this guy?

  • Do you trust him not to harm you during and after sex?
  • If you changed your mind about having sex after arriving at your destination, would he respect your decision?
  • Who else knows where you are going or where you will be if something were to go wrong?

Take stock of what you know about the guy’s sexual history

What do you know about the guy’s health? Do you know whether he has any STIs? Is he having sex with other women?

No matter how much of a connection you have with a man, it is just irresponsible to not know his status before engaging in sex.

Be prepared for a potential one night stand

You should not take sharing your body with a man lightly. As such, you must be comfortable with the possibility that the sex will be just that -sex. You should not have any unrealistic expectations to avoid getting hurt.

So, to have or not to have?

Whether to sleep with a guy within a few hours of meeting him, the choice is yours. However, one thing remains true: the purpose of having sex is paramount in the making of this decision.

If you want a long term relationship, do not give it up too quickly. The delay will help you to grow the connection, and the sex will further strengthen your bond.

Also, bear in mind that many men have eliminated a girl from a potential relationship because she was ‘loose.’ But, it would be hard to find a man who ever dismissed a woman as a potential long-term partner because she didn’t have sex on the first date.

The 10 Best Books on Sex, Love and Intimate Relationships

Best Books on Sex and Intimate Relationships - Woman reading book in sexy attire on bed
Best Books on Sex and Intimate Relationships - Woman reading book in sexy attire on bed

Friends have some relevant experience but they aren't experts on the topic of sex and intimacy. So who is…?

The authors of these books

They have reviewed studies (or done them themselves, researched, surveyed, and interviewed. Some have even delved into sub cultures to discover the real secrets behind why sex and intimacy plays such an important role in our lives

Here are ten of the best you can learn from, and discover what they learned, without all the hard work

A warning after reading these books, … will never be the same again. Enjoy

The Language of Desire by Felicity Keith

Capture him by using dirty works to make him yours

If as a woman you find yourself feeling undesirable and worried that the spark in your love life has gone out, you need to read The Language of Desire.

Author Felicity Keith offers ten sections covering how to achieve a better relationship with your man. Learn how to unlock the door to his secret fantasies, how to use “dirty” language to stoke the fires of his mental G-spot, and what “makes a man tick.”

This book is aimed at getting what you want, through giving him what he wants (which doesn't suit some women). A little more expensive than others in this list because of the amount of content, you can get your copy here.

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

Get in the drivers seat

Are you tired of being ignored? Is batting your eyelids and smiling pretty” not working for you? Would you like to have more control over men?

In The Art of Seduction, author Robert Greene reveals 24 different strategies you can use to become a “mistress of seduction”. The 400+ page, well-researched book also reveals what strategy suits your personality.

Although a little repetitive, it's a must for women who want to be in the drivers seat of their love life. This historical stories add another element for readers. Get your copy of The Art of Seduction here.

Dirty Minds by Kayt Sukel

Why does love make us so crazy?

For centuries humankind has pondered the nature of love in poems, books, songs, and art. But only recently has medical science been used to measure how our brains influence love, sex, romance, and our relationships.

In Dirty Minds, author Kayt Sukel takes a somewhat humorous look at how science is using technology such as brain scans during orgasm. Sukel looks at questions like, “Is monogamy practical?” and, “What parts of the brain are involved with love?”

A little complex for those wanting an easy read, but a fresh approach to an age-old topic? Get your copy of Dirty Minds here.

The Sexual Spectrum by Olive Skene Johnson, Ph.D.

What makes us all different

In Sexual Spectrum, author Olive Skene Johnson, Ph.D. takes a close look at what makes us all different. In particular what shapes our individual sexuality and how new is sexual diversity?

The information used is drawn from significant scientific research along with personal experience.

An excellent, non-technical read for those who are not familiar with topics such as why some people change gender are heterosexuals and homosexuals really different from each other, and many more.

A good primer for those with who have gay/lesbian children or are learning to accept their own sexuality. Get your copy here.

500 Intimate Questions for Couples by Michael Webb

Enjoy the hottest, deepest sex of your life

In 500 Intimate Questions, author Michael Webb has put together a collection the type of intimate questions you and your partner should be asking each other if you both want to enjoy mind-blowing sex.

Here's the thing – how can you possibly know if you are pleasing your partner and giving them the best sex they've ever had if you don't know what they want? The questions come from over 20 years as a couple's counselor helping thousands of couples achieve successful relationships.

More of a practical guide. this book is only available in digital PDF form. Get your copy here.

Bonk – The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach

A fun look at the science behind the pleasure of sex and more

In Bonk – The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, author Mary Roach uses her great sense of humor to teach us about orgasms, impotence, the sexual behavior of different species, and so much more.

Roach covers an incredibly broad span of information including sex in history such as the impotency trials in 17th century France. She looks at some of the more unusual sex toys and includes her personal evaluation of how well the work.

Irreverent? Maybe. Packed full of useful information in a way that is easy to digest? Absolutely!

Although a little graphic for some, you can expect an easy, informative and humorous read. Get your copy of Bonk! here

Mind-Blowing Sex Positions by Tracy Queen

From the weird to the outright wonderful

In Mind-Blowing Sex Positions, Tracy Queen covers more strange sex positions than a Porn Star Convention.

This book is all about taking that normal boring sex you have been living with and turning it up to notches hitherto unknown. It’s all about destroying the missionary rules and not dying while you do so.

Learn how to bend without breaking, how to use everything including appliances to get each other off. And of course, positions, positions, and just when you think you've tried them all, even more, positions.

Easy to understand, although no drawings or diagrams, get your copy of Mind-Blowing Sex Positions here.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler NPH

The definitive guide to reproductive health

For over 20 years Taking Charge of Your Fertility has been teaching women all they need to know about natural birth control as well as how to become pregnant when the time is right.

Weschler teaches women how to take control of their sexual and gynecological health in as little as two minutes per day using the Fertility Awareness Method in the book. This new 20th-anniversary edition includes six all-new chapters and tons of updated information. Get your copy here

Dirty Talk: The Language of Lust by Eric Monroe

Lessons in lust to win his …

Most women have little to no idea how to wield one of the most powerful weapons they have in their sexual inventory.

What weapons are we talking about? The lust-filled use of “dirty talk” at the appropriate time. Why? Because most women are too embarrassed to use them or have no idea where to star.

In Dirty Talk: The Language of Lust, author Eric Monroe not only teaches to you what dirty talk is all about but also how to know when you should be using it if you want to win your man's heart and vastly improve your sex life.

Expect to go from shy kitten to sultry seductress and get an education on dirty talk. Get your copy here.

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.

A master-class in the science of sex

In Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski explores the how and why of women's sexuality.

Using groundbreaking scientific research and science of the brain, she shows you how to radically transform your sex life.

While the “pink pill,” Viagra® for women may never come to pass, the research that went into developing it is priceless, and Nagoski covers this and much more to show you how to enjoy the best sex you've ever had.

Science decoded into easy to understand language. Get your copy here

Thanks for reading

Thanks for reading these picks. If you can think of a book that should be added to this list, then you can contact me here.