Obeying the limits that are marked by your colleagues' desks or cubicles
Maintaining a respectable distance in a queue
Yet many of us think that boundaries are unnecessary and even offensive in a romantic relationship?
Many girls do not set boundaries in their relationships.
Instead they think their partner should be able to anticipate their wants and needs. Some even fear that boundaries will interfere with the romance and spontaneity of the relationship. Others feel that boundaries are downright callous.
Why you should set boundaries with your new boyfriend
A healthy relationship, like every other area of your life, requires boundaries. Boundaries define responsibility in the relationship and create natural limits. These limits work to your mutual benefit since the overall expectations are clearly worked out.
Boundaries are also essential for eliminating blame in the relationship. According to clinical psychologist, Ryan Howes, clear boundaries determine where you end, and your partner begins. When you are both clear on which responsibilities are yours and which ones are his, you have less conflict and fewer misunderstandings.
Boundaries communicate your tolerances to each other. You and your partner have different emotional thresholds. When you set boundaries, you are letting your boyfriend know there are certain things you will not tolerate: being lied to, shouted at, being silenced or mistreated. Limits make more healthy and peaceful relationships.
Not all men are going to have the same values as you so it’s important to get it right from the start.
When you don’t set boundaries
You cannot hope to be a woman of high self-esteem as you mourn the behavior of a man who is crossing boundaries and treating you indecently. Failure to set limits means that you will have to deal with:
Dangerous lifestyle: alcohol or drug abuse
Oppression and resentment
If you do not believe in boundaries and accept anything and everything, the problems that may arise in future are yours, not your boyfriend’s.
New boyfriends and relationships
The core determinant when establishing patterns of behavior in your relationship is acceptance and rejection. Boundaries help you to clearly communicate with your boyfriend what things you accept and which ones you reject. If you don’t do one, you do the other.
You and your boyfriend will have some different ideas about sex. For (a very simplistic) example:
You may like sex in the morning while he enjoys it in the evening
He may love sex in odd places while you may enjoy sex more in the comfort of your home
You may be wild, he may like it slow and sensual
The point is, if you and your boyfriend don’t know where your sexual boundaries lie, one of you will spend their time in the relationship faking sexual satisfaction.
Determine your sexual needs and preferences as well as how much wiggle room for adventure exists within your relationship.
Violating sexual boundaries in a relationship is not just unhealthy, it can be abusive.
There's typically no more of a sensitive topic in any relationship. Money is super powerful and can turn a good relationship sour. Your incomes, spending methods, saving patterns: all these could bring some significant trust issues in the relationship.
You and your boyfriend should regularly sit down and discuss financial boundaries. The easiest one i’d recommend is:
‘What dollar figure is the limit that we need to discuss together before we decide to buy or not buy it?’
It is also important to decide how you will spend your money, create a budget, and be on the same page where financial goals are concerned.
But this one question above is easy to understand and get the message across that money is a shared topic.
You are a team, and you must operate as such to be successful in your relationship.
Discussing financial boundaries is not an expectancy of a failed relationship; it is a matter of convenience which will help you avoid sticky entanglements later in the relationship.
How you will settle disagreements
There is conflict in all relationships.
If you adequately address how you will fight in your relationship, you can quickly solve all your problems. According to Psychology Today, conflicts and arguments do not necessarily jeopardize your relationship.
Indeed, there are times when disagreements can bring you and your boyfriend together. The key is how you and your boyfriend decide to handle your conflict.
Give the silent treatment?
Laugh when there is conflict?
Make underhanded comments?
Get the person out of your physical space?
Once you are aware of how you both handle conflict, then you can set up a rule in advance (when you are both more level headed). I.e. If i give the silent treatment for 2 days, tell me that i’m being silly and the point has been made.)
Conflicts, when mishandled can ultimately break the relationship up. Work together with your boyfriend to determine the appropriate way for you to deal with anger and how you will treat each other when you are upset.
Social media has completely permeated romantic relationships. Jordan Gray, a sex and dating coach, indicates that, of late, relationships’ therapy sessions are filled with stories about social media interference with relationships: snooping in partners’ Facebook accounts, a lot of suspicions; anger when partners follow their exes on Instagram.
A survey by Pew Research Center in 2014 revealed that 45% of the respondents said that their social media account had a major impact on their relationships.
You may be hesitant to discuss boundaries on social media usage since you may think that social media is too frivolous to argue over. However, you must realize that social media stirs up real feelings, and those feelings matter. As such, agree with your boyfriend on:
How to prioritize quality time together without social media
What you should and should not post.
To what extent you should engage your exes online.
How you spend your time
Your relationship will thrive when you spend quality time together – and also separately. You, therefore, need to set boundaries on how you will not only spend time together but also have some solo time scheduled with friends and family.
If you do not set up time boundaries in your relationship, you will have problems in your relationship and also in the relationships with your family and friends. Talk with your partner about your expectations for time together and time alone, and you will have a more fulfilling relationship.
Reaching the limits
As we conclude, bear in mind that the concept of boundaries may be unnatural to your boyfriend. Therefore, to make your boundaries efficient:
Be firm, yet kind
Do not be mean or hurtful when you set a boundary. The more you approach the boundary conversation with love and compassion, the better the conversation will go.
Once you set a boundary, do not dismiss it or ignore it. When you undermine the boundaries, you will have taught your boyfriend to disrespect them too. As such, stand behind your words at all times.
Lastly, remember that boundaries are not static. The types of boundaries in relationships can change as your relationship progresses or as you find out more information about each other.
Feel free to revisit the boundaries when the need arises.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT, EXCEPT you have developed intense feelings for him.
If only you could make him see things the same as you
So how do you make him realize that the two of you would be good together? How can you become more than friends and get out of the friend zone?
Why were you friend zoned?
Which one are you?
The mother figure
Many women become friend zoned because they mother the guy. You become a shoulder to cry on for a guy; and what happens? He friend zones you and moves on to marry the next girl. Being a guy’s confidante (without him being attracted to you first) is the most definite way to get into the friend zone.
He will never date you as long as he sees you as a mother and not a potential mate.
Many women think that when they do everything for a man, he will like them more. The reality is that this only kills the attraction. When you work very hard to become a guy’s best friend, while your intention may be to be romantic with him, the opposite happens: You depolarize yourself from him.
Some women (who have read bad books like ‘the rules') think that treating men mean is a good way get them interested. It isn't.
In fact, this only works with guys who have low self-esteem and generally aren't the guys you want. Good men don't want to be treated like a doormat. If you have been putting him down in front of his friends (even playfully) then this is you.
The woman in the background
This is more common than you might think. You may simply have not aroused his curiosity enough to notice you. And if he hasn't noticed you then he hasn't thought about you as a potential girlfriend.
How to get out of the friend zone
Many think that once they are in the friend zone, they are in it for life. This is completely untrue.
You are in the friend zone because there are things you are inadvertently doing that are keeping you there; you put yourself there. Fortunately, there are things you can start doing this very minute to dig yourself out of this dreaded place.
Figure out how the guy sees you
When the man that you love looks at you, what he sees in you is not girlfriend material. Honestly examining how he sees you is essential. If he sees you as a therapist or a sibling, you have no hope of building a romantic relationship with him.
So how does the guy see you?
Again you might think that you are this incredible, sexy woman, but the guy doesn’t see any sexiness when he looks at you. Take a step back and ask yourself:
Are you always listening to the guy’s problems?
Are you always ready to make brownies when he has had a tough day?
Does he always let you lead the conversation and/or activity?
Are you available to the extent that he is taking you for granted?
Do you always agree to meet every time he asks to hang out?
Does he consider you sexy or does he relate to you as he does with the guy next door?
Does he know much about you other than your name?
When you see yourself through the guy’s eyes, it is a great way to see things in a whole different light. Change the role you are playing, and you will be climbing out of the friend zone in no time.
Revamp your look
You do not have to change your look entirely to win over the guy. But, if you want the man to see you as more than a friend, you have to sex it up a bit. When you are with him, dress as you would when you are going out with your girls, or on a hot date with a hot sexy guy.
You have been dressing for comfort around the man; after all, you are good friends. Your aim going forward should be to feel sexy and confident when you are with him. If your appearance been too platonic, this automatically disqualifies you as a romantic partner.
So, reinvent yourself:
Change your wardrobe. Choose clothes that are contrary to the fashion that he has come to associate with you.
Start getting into better shape and wow him. You don’t have to be perfect but just starting to transform before his eyes will make him notice you.
Change your hairstyle and makeup styles adopt those that make you more appealing.
Focus on making the people around you happy. This is an extremely attractive quality to men that goes unnoticed by women.
The problem is that he sees you all the time. How does he even know what he is missing? If you want the guy to value you, you have to take a break from him. With a little distance, there is a chance that he will miss you and realize what you have to offer.
Giving yourself a break helps reset your relationship changes the dynamics. (Not a great example but think ‘old you' and now ‘new you')
This includes phone calls, texting and other communication. You can make an excuse if you want to (visiting family). If he does text you listen in a friendly manner then exit the conversation politely.
Have your own life
It is not enough to give your boyfriend some space but is also crucial that you have your own life. You only have one life, and you should not put it on hold for anyone. Also, the more you go out there and do the things you love, the more you will feel and look better and the more you will be more attractive.
When you are fixated on your attraction for the guy, you give off a needy vibe and neediness is anything but sexy.
Get passionate about something
Take up something that you are passionate about or start advancing your career. You will busier, less accessible and you will be more attractive.
More importantly, having a more exciting life will make you feel more confident and prevent you from making the mistake of building your life around your loneliness. You will no longer look to the guy to fill an emotional void; you will just prefer him, not need him.
Let him chase you
By now the dynamic has changed. You are no longer chasing the man. You are much more attractive than the previous girl who needed to hold his hand through life.
Since you are less available, the guy will start feeling like he could lose you. Do not do much to reassure him. Leave him room to pursue you.
Men want to feel like winners
When you give the guy an opportunity to win you by stepping back, he will rise to the challenge and pursue you. And the opposite is also true. If you are in his face all the time, you will seem too easy to get: you will never be a prize.
You will only make it entirely impossible for him to realize how valuable you are and he will always take you for granted.
Get in touch with your femininity
Men like women. So you need to use this to your advantage. Wear dresses, skirts, flirt with him and let him know that you need his manly muscles for things.
You will make him feel needed, wanted, and like a man. Which will draw him to you
This leads me to my final thought
It is essential that you keep your options open. You may not want to hear this, but what if he is not ready for a relationship at all, or he is not attracted to you that way?
If you keep waiting for him to see the romantic potential between the two of you, you might waste all your time fixating on a man who will never fill that role and lose out on time you could have spent meeting an incredible man. Tying yourself up with a possible relationship and closing off every other option is just not wise.
The very final thought, I promise:
If you do not cut the umbilical cord, you will keep investing in a guy, who, all he will ever do is unload his personal issues on you. One day you will look back with bitterness and regret. Make a decision to get out of the friend zone today; no matter what the outcome could be!
Goes past the shallow relationship and to the real deal
Fails to deliver anything new
Teaches you while making you laugh along the way
Some feel it tells women how to change in order for men to like them
7. He’s Not That Interested, He’s Just Passing Time – Bruce Bryans
40 games guys play when they are just passing the time with you
The next time a guy tells you he has “commitment issue,” what he is really trying to say, is that he really isn't that interested in you
There can be many reasons why a guy might suddenly pull away from a relationship as things start to get serious. But chances are good, that it all still boils down to the same thing
He was never that interested in you in the first place
This book will give you a better understanding of how to skip past the losers and find a winner. The one who isn't afraid to make a commitment. The one person who is ready to spend the rest of their life with you
By the time you have reached the end, you will be ready to get out there, see the signals for yourself and find your Mr. Right!
Not everyone likes the way Michael Fiore writes/reads
Audiobook and a few bonuses included
Very niche, won't help everyone
8. Men Don't Love Women Like You! – G.L. Lambert
For those who have been made to feel unappreciated or “less than.”
G.L. Lambert says that in the world of relationships there are the sheep, and then there are the wolves. If you are a sheep, then you are just hanging out with the shepherd until the wolf comes along and steals him away.
In this book, you learn how to become ‘the wolf.' The type of woman who every man truly wants in his life, not just his “bit on the side.”
Lambert teaches you to become an empowered woman, one who is in charge of her relationships and her destiny
HE SEEMS LIKE A GREAT CATCH…. but how can you be sure?
In a study, when asked what is preventing them from meeting the right man, 38% percent of women agreed that they have no time, while 28% indicated that there are no good places to meet. A whopping 28% of the women said that all the good ones are taken.
That means one out of four of your single friends has given up on men. Their reason, ‘there aren’t any good men available anymore.’
I wasn’t surprised that some women think that there aren’t any good men around, but not 1 in 4. This is a large proportion of women are starting to give up on the notion of ‘growing old with someone’, or even starting a (nuclear) family.
But, why are good men hard to find?
Western culture has evolved in ways that have made finding a good man tough. Over the past few decades, the traditional relationship set up has broken down. Previously, men needed access to sex while women lacked access to resources.
The man knew that he could not get sex if he did not have resources and was not ready to commit to a woman. So the system was set up for him to work hard, be responsible and then he could choose a woman and commit to her. This setup was a grand bargain that worked for both sides.
However, the reality of today is that sex is cheap. With the thriving online dating sites and mass production of high-quality pornography, men have easy access to countless willing sex partners.
Today’s man can have all the sex he wants at minimal cost. This has, in turn, turned many men into louts because they do not have to prove themselves as providers anymore.
But just because our culture has changed doesn’t mean there aren’t good men around.
What makes a good man – 7 questions to answer
The following are a few essentials of a quality man, capable of commitment. They will help you determine what to look for in a guy.
1. What is his level of maturity?
You will be able to quickly determine a guy’s emotional maturity by observing how he reacts to situations and how he treats the people around him. In a restaurant, for instance, when they take a bit longer to get to your table, how does he react? Does he take it in his stride or does he lose his temper? Does he shout at the server when an order gets mixed up?
Even if he is on his best behavior, it is hard for him to hide long-standing habits. Watch him keenly enough, and you will be able to determine whether you are on the right path.
2. Does he have a purpose?
Experts say that men derive a huge chunk of their identity from their dreams. If a man is creating and working towards something that is bigger than himself, he is likely to be more satisfied, and as a result, he can be a better partner.
3. Who are his friends?
Experts say that a majority of guys who get married had a friend who got married within the last year. You can learn much about a guy by who he spends his time with. Are his friends mature? Do they share your values? Does he maintain friendships?
4. Is he available?
Experts say that many men are hardly available because they overlap their relationships. ‘Single' does not always mean available. If he is holding ties with his ex, or he is consumed with work that he has no room for someone else, he will eventually hurt you because he is not ready for a long-term relationship.
5. Is he is direct?
Many guys think that if they have this ‘whatever’ attitude, women will suddenly fall in love with them. A relationship with a guy who plays games will only end in tears. A quality man should be able to look straight into your eyes and express himself. Anything less than that and he is weak. You should not settle for weak.
6. Is he kind?
Men who are ready for relationships tend to be passed a few different phases of their life. Most notably their ‘fun and adventure phase’, their ‘get paid’ phase. Kindness comes after this. It demonstrates that his life isn’t all about him. Which is important when it comes to starting a family.
7. Is he honest?
Men don’t always do the right thing, or know what the right thing is. But as long as he is honest about it, you can deal with it. If he is hiding something, it can ruin trust and it can have an impact on his life and the peoples around him. Him being honest, is very important.
So are there any good men left?
Finding that man who is a combination of best friend, lover, and partner is just about the hardest thing in the world. Many women want to cut the chase and find a great guy.
Unfortunately, the quest for a good man takes a lot of effort: planning and prospecting. The reward is never immediate, but if you are consistent, you will meet a fantastic guy worthy of your affection.
Thanks for reading this guide on what makes a good man.
Want to find a good man? Here are a few, ‘old-fashioned' places you can find where to find a good man
Wouldn't it be great if he at least knew how you felt! Too bad, you cannot approach him and tell him…
But, wait a minute!
Who says that you have to wait for that cute guy to come over and talk to you first?
While traditional gender roles have for a long time suggested that men should be the aggressors, women are becoming bolder, going after what they want and getting it.
Women have realized that some guys can be just as nervous and shy as them. As such, helping the guy out a bit and meeting him halfway is not just a good idea, but an excellent strategy for taking control of your dating life.
Get over your fear
Many women find it hard to never muster enough courage to go over to talk to a guy. However, if you consider the benefits of approaching the guy you like, they will override your fears.
Making the first move to talk to a guy not only gives you an opportunity to get to know him better, but you will also impress him with your boldness.
Approaching a guy also gives you an advantage over other women who might also like the same guy. It shows you are confident and you use your initiative. Which are two things good men like in women.
Overcome your anxiety and nerves by reminding yourself that your crush has his flaws and insecurities. Bring him back down to earth in your mind, and you will find it a lot easier to initiate a conversation with him.
Do not allow your fear to hold you back from going after what you want. If you are wondering what to say to a guy you just met, here are a few suggestions to get you started.
Sometimes, you can be attracted to a guy and approach him, but ten minutes in his presence, and he utterly repulses you. If you are not in a position to ask someone about the guy, all you have to do is observe.
How is he behaving around his friends? How is he treating people that are not probably as popular as he is, for instance, the waiters? Is he nice or is he a jerk? Be sure he is a nice guy before you make any move.
Figure out the best time to approach.
When it comes to approaching a guy, timing is everything. Not so much on your side, but on his side. See the longer you leave it, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of it.
Mel Robbins talks about how you have 5 seconds to take action in the video below.
The typical excuses
Some of the excuses that we tell ourselves are:
It might be a bit intimidating to approach him while his buddies surround him, but it also shows great confidence. He will enjoy it.
Sometimes we can think there are social rules that include do not approach someone for certain places. Like the train, library, church and wherever else.
These only really exist in our minds. Most people there simply don't care what you do, as long as your not hurting someone else. They will more likely be cheering you on.
It's too early to meet the man of your dreams? Oh, I guess you will never meet him. Come on listen to yourself here, this one is silly!
There's no excuse good enough
As you can see there isn't really any excuse good enough. But your brain will try to stop you because it thinks it's protecting you. This is an old reaction that we have in our brains that some people never overcome.
Here is a longer clip with an interview with Mel Robbins who has more information on this topic. Well worth a watch.
Let's do it – How to approach confidently – when you are not confident
Make eye contact, smile and approach
First, make eye contact and smile at your crush. Pay attention to his response. Does he smile back? If you feel that this has gone well, it is time for the approach.
Sometimes, all a man needs to open up to you is to know that you are interested in him. If you appear pleasant and approachable, a man who likes you will be more open to having a conversation with you.
One of the biggest problem you may face when striking a conversation with a guy you just met, and more so the one you like is the awkward silence. It is not enough to initiate a conversation; you need to ensure it is the right conversation.
3 ways you can start the conversation
Ask for his help
Bringing out a guy’s protective instinct will make him feel more connected to you. Depend on the guy for something: carrying for you a few books because they are too heavy; walking you down the street because it is dark. Ask him for directions or time.
Men love to feel needed and helpful. So, find a reason to need his assistance. After he has helped you, thank him for his help and offer to buy him coffee to express your appreciation.
Compliments always bring two people closer. No one is unreceptive to a sincere compliment. If you genuinely feel that there is something worth complimenting about a guy, tell him about it.
Be specific: tell him how cute his shoes are, or how well he has put his entire look together. Tell him he has a gorgeous smile or that his dimples give him a boyish charm that you find adorable. If he finds you equally attractive, he may respond with a few compliments of his own, and you will have broken the ice.
Tease the guy
To spice up the conversation, tease the guy a bit. You can tease him by pointing out a cheesy line he uses during your conversation. ‘Oh! Did you think you won me over?’ Or, you could look at the clean-shaven head and tell him, ‘You would look great with a huge blue Mohawk. It would bring out the gorgeous blue in your eyes’.
Suggesting an extreme makeover for a guy you have just met is excellent for that feeling of instant connectedness. It is also a way of complimenting him without being too serious. And it can work with clothes too. Suggest a pair of tight white flairs and see him smile.
You can also result in a competitive tease. Pick something that he says he is good at and challenge him to it. The good thing is that you don’t even have to be good at it. If you beat him, he will be impressed and if you lose he will bask in the glory of comforting you. ‘So you think you are good at pool? Let’s see how good you think you are after a game with me!’
Caution: Do not get too competitive. No guy likes a boastful woman.
After the first 2 minutes
Move the conversation
If you have been talking for a while it can be a good idea to move
Let's go and get a drink
You have to meet my friend
You have to see this
These can get your guy to move so you can have more of an intimate conversation
Ask him questions
When you are in the middle of a conversation with the guy, get him to speak about himself. Start with general questions and only ask personal ones as the conversation progresses.
If you are attending a function, ask him how he knows the host or why he is there. You can also ask him random questions, ‘what’s your Myers Briggs Type indicator score?’
As you warm up to each other, you can go off the beaten path and ask questions that are a little less ordinary. ‘What is the craziest thing you have ever done?’ ‘If you could fly anywhere right now, where would you go and why?’
Finally, if everything is progressing well, you can get personal:
‘How is someone like you single?’ This is a great question to find out if he is single while still flirting with him.
‘What’s your idea of perfect date?’ This question gets the guy to talk about himself and think about what a date with you would be like.
‘What kind of a relationship are you looking for?’ This is an excellent question because it lets you know where his head is at.
And this one:
‘Do you like it when girls make the first move?’ This is a perfect question that helps you find out if it is ok to ask him out or wait for him to make a move.
Find common ground
As you listen to the guy, take the opportunity to pick and talk about common interests. The more he feels that you have things in common, the more easily the conversation will move forward.
Remember the guy’s thrill is in the chase. After you have made contact with him, let him work his way into your life.
Do not prolong the conversation. Be coy and shy when saying your goodbye to make it memorable. Also, ensure to take your leave just before things get awkward or boring. Leave him wishing that he spent more time with you.
Let him know clearly that you enjoyed spending time with him and that you look forward to seeing him some other time.
I can’t wait to see you again
Approaching men first is a simple-to-understand yet hard-to-do concept for most women when it's first introduced. But here's the thing. It gives you a great leg up on other single women.
Not only does it help you meet more men, but it also gives you an ability that most women don't have. This translates into meeting men they will never meet.
When I started approaching I found it very hard. In fact, it took me quite a while to ‘get it', but once I did I felt in control of my dating life like I had never done before. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
Best of luck and if you have a follow-up question on the topic of ‘should I approach a guy first?' that has not been covered here, then you can contact me here.
YOU ARE OUT WITH your friends and an incredibly gorgeous guy catches your eye.
But he is not making a move.
You size him up, and you just have this strong feeling that you would hit it off. . What do you do?
If you still think that sitting there quietly while looking cute, smiling slightly from time to time, will draw the guy to you, get him to take care of everything and show you the time of your life, you are mistaken.
After all, we are in the 21st century. This means that women need to be more proactive in attracting a man. Take for instance the following myth most women hold onto:
The myth; if a guy likes me, he will come over.
Most women continue to live under the impression that making the first move is exclusively a guy thing.
They believe that if he likes them, he will approach, and if he is not approaching, it’s because he isn’t interested. This is completely untrue. A guy could be attracted to you so much and still not make a move.
Women grossly overestimate male confidence. They assume that all guys find it super easy to approach girls. The reality is that men find approaching much harder than girls could ever realize. Everybody fears embarrassment and rejection.
Did you know: The more a guy is attracted to you, the less likely he is to approach you? The hardest woman for a guy to approach is the one he likes the most. Think about that!
The better way to look at flirting is merely as a way of showing a guy your interest and curiosity and inquiring about his: it is not classless, and it is not desperation.
When you flirt with a man, you are not asking him for marriage and children; you are only telling him that you find him interesting and you would love to spend some time with him.
Did you know: when you do not flirt with a man you like and make it clear, you are more likely to end up in the dreaded friend zone?
Get his attention
The first step is to get the guy’s attention. Make eye contact for a few seconds and then look away.
If you look back at him a few moments later and he is still looking at you, stay locked on his eyes for a short while. Then give him a little smirk and look away again. If you catch his eye the third time, it is all you need to know that he is interested in you.
Note: Keep an eye out of a female companion who might have stepped away to the bathroom before you flirt with the guy.
If he doesn't, and you have made eye contact with him then you have a couple of options.
You can move yourself to the edge of your group to give him the invitation to come over to you
You can go to a neutral third place by yourself (i.e. the bar or somewhere else
Should you approach him?
Yes, you can approach him. Although some women think that approaching a guy is quite challenging and sets the wrong mood for the encounter.
The truth is that you will only know the answer to any of your questions (‘What if he finds me weird, aggressive, desperate or slutty?' What will I say to him?') by talking to him.
By actually talking to him, and if he's not going to approach then you will need to.
If you allow your fears to conquer you, you will let a guy who might be a great date, which could turn into a great relationship simply walk away. Without any chance of knowing what could have happened.
How sad is this! Do not allow the life you could probably have casually drift by.
It is becoming more and more common for women to make the first move. It isn't as taboo as it once was. If he isn't going to approach, and you really want to see what he is like, then go get 'em.
A quick note on how men feel when approached
Men love it. It's an ego boost for them that they very rarely get.
Turn the tables
The reason why women fear flirting with guys is fear of rejection. While this is normal, you can turn the tables.
Instead of wondering whether he will like you, ask yourself:
Do I like him?
Does he seem interesting?
Does he look like someone I would enjoy spending time with?
The reality is that it's your choice. So turn this from being liked to being selective, and you will automatically feel empowered.
Dazzle with conversation
What you say and the questions you ask should be designed to help you get a sense of the guy, while at the same time drawing him out.
Many people think the first conversation you have with someone should be a lot of questions. I disagree. Instead, talk about:
The environment you find yourself in
The way he is dressed
Something completely random
Hobbies, passions and habits (as long as they aren't serious)
Something that you noticed about him (although keep it very broad, you don't want to come across as a stalker. A good rule for this is to make sure it couldn't be argued. i.e. make a comment on where he is standing, a t-shirt he is wearing etc.)
Keeping it light and fun will help draw him out. This will help you:
Discover who is actually is sooner
Help him build a stronger connection with you sooner
Keep him engaged in the conversation with you
Need his help
Guys love (and need) to feel helpful. Needing the help of a guy is an excellent way to start a conversation.
Here you can ask questions because they lead into experiences and aren't like a job interview. Ask him:
To scan the crowd for your friend in a yellow sweater and playfully complain that you are just too short to look yourself
What he thinks of where you two are
If he can fix something… (your phone is in another language, how did that happen… 🙂
Where the bathroom is (if your stuck for something else)
Guys just love to be needed.
Do you see how you use compliments to connect with other women: ‘I love you purse,’ ‘your shoes are gorgeous’………
The same works with men. Everyone wants to be complimented. A guy will be thrilled to know that you find him capable, smart, fascinating, and funny.
As you converse with him, listen to him keenly and give sincere compliments.
Let him know that you agree with something he says
Ask him to suggest a book or a restaurant and let him know what you thought
Tell him that you find his job or business interesting
Note: Men rarely receive compliments from women. When you give him well thought out compliments, you will stand out, and he will take a second look.
You do not want to achieve nothing after all the effort you have made. That is why making plans is a great idea; it gives the conversation a purpose.
It is also a great flirting tactic because it tells the guy that you want to spend some more time with him.
You can subtly introduce plan making by saying, ‘I don't believe you, I think that' something i need to see/hear/witness/experience in person'.
‘You'll have to check it (something you talked about previously) out sometime, i'm there on Thursday evenings'
When making plans, it is best to be specific:
‘See you some other time!’ is not as concrete as, ‘We should go running together.'
A flirtatious encounter should end with making plans because this sets the stage for another meeting.
Flirt with him via text
Many women find it hard to flirt over text messages considering their crush cannot hear their voice or read their body language.
However, there are many advantages to flirting over text.
Firstly, you can take your time to say the perfect thing. Also, you are not under pressure to think of immediate responses as it happens in a face to face conversation. Texts also get him thinking of you when you are not around.
Sending a guy flirting texts allows him to know what is in your mind and opens up the conversation.
First things first: is he interested in you?
Before you begin flirting with a guy via text, you need to check out whether he is at least mildly interested in you.
You will know that your crush is receptive to your flirting if he is responsive, responds to your messages without too much of a lag time and he carries on the conversation.
Message the guy in response to something he has posted
When the guy posts something on social media, take the initiative to send him a direct message instead of passively liking his post.
Let’s say he posts the picture of his dog. You could send him a direct message saying, ‘Your dog is completely adorable. What kind is she?’ Or he posts a video from a concert he attended: you can message him, ‘just saw your video from last night’s concert. I love the band. How were they?’
The key here is to include at least a question in your message so that you can open the door for further conversation.
Ask flirty questions- not job interview questions
Once you get the conversation going, ask interesting questions. The key is to avoid asking questions that will require ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. Your questions should be more specific.
Great questions make him choose, and that choice says something about himself.
instead of asking him, ‘Do you love movies?’ You could ask him, ‘Star Wars or Star Trek?’, ‘Rom Com or Thriller?', ‘Documentary or Drama?'
These dilemma questions make him take a side, and usually defend it. Which is a great way to know more about someone, in a flirty kind of way.
Good topics to explore in the beginning include hobbies, career, and family.
As your conversation and relationship progresses, the questions can lead him. ‘Why are you so cute?’ ‘Our first kiss is going to be epic, don’t you think so?’ ‘What would you do if I asked you to come over? I want to have this conversation in person?’
Be a little suggestive
There are subtle ways you can show interest in a guy over text. For instance, if he says he is eating pizza for dinner, you can say you wish you were eating the pizza instead of whatever you are having.
You can also hint at sexy things without being blatant. If you did not see his message right away, you could tell him you are sorry you missed his message, but you have just got out of the shower.
This does not outright flirt, but it is a sly way of making him think about you in the shower.
Send him picture texts
Picture texts are a fun way to stay engaged with your crush. Saying your dog looks adorable when sleeping can never be as captivating as sending him the real picture.
Always ensure you look your best in the photos that you send to him. Simley faces, emojis, meme's, and gifs are all handy for composing a witty message and showing your intent.
Open the door to take things off chat
You do not want to remain flirting over text for too long. Fortunately, there are numerous opportunities to subtly hint at taking things a notch higher.
Did he say that he bought something for his house; say you would love to see it sometime.
Does he talk about his pet all the time; joke that you are confident you would win his dog over in a heartbeat because animals love you.
Did he ask you a personal question: indicate that the answer is too long, you will have to tell him in person.
Are they screening a move you love: this is a terrific excuse to meet up.
The final thought
The best part about flirting is that you can do it over and over again. Flirting can be a fun game where any guy you see becomes fascinating, and you want to find a little bit more about him.
The more you flirt with gorgeous guys, the more it takes anxiety and pressure out of talking to them. The bonus is that you will live a more vibrant, more fulfilling, fun and exciting life.
If you've come this far, i'd like to say thanks for reading my guide on how to flirt with a guy – the modern way. You can contact me if you have a comment or question.
Dressed in soft pastel and feminine colors to make yourself more approachable
Smiled a lot in the presence of guys that you are attracted to
Tactically run your fingers through your hair delicately, and occasionally twirl strands of your tips around your finger
Even licked your lips and looked at the gorgeous guy in front of you under your eyebrow.
And you still didn’t get the guy to show interest. Just what are you doing wrong?
The problem is that all the advice out there about attracting men has been leading you on a wild goose chase. Most of the traditional tips encourage women to concentrate on their physical appearance to attract men.
Unfortunately, this advice treats men as shallow, sexual beings and deprives you of the opportunity to build real romantic connections.
The law of attraction
Not all men are chasing after supermodels and false impressions. Ken Page, the author of Deeper Dating, indicates that men may initially be drawn to you by your physical looks.
But by concentrating on physical appearance alone, you are distracted from cultivating science-based traits that attract love and intimacy.
The good news
The good news is that you probably already possess all the qualities that you need to attract a great guy. The truth is that you have more likely been concentrating on the not so important things…
How you can get a guy attracted to you
Go to places that make you happy
You cannot hope to attract a great guy and yet you lock yourself at home.
Go to places that make you happy, where men happen to be. Common ground is always the basis for all conversations. Events that have some interesting context make it easier for you to meet guys.
It is hard for a guy to imagine that you have anything in common when he meets you in a mundane place like a bar. But it is easier for him to see that you have a lot in common when you meet in a bar for a fundraiser for kids with autism. Maybe you are both familiar with autism; maybe you have siblings with autism; perhaps you are both volunteers.
Suddenly you have a deeper connection- something real in common.
Sit in a strategic place
Don't stand in the corner. When you are at a social place or occasion, choose a location in a high traffic area or in the center of the room. This allows any guy who would like to talk to you do it as he is just passing or when he is ordering a drink.
Also, ensure you face the main traffic area. This is so that a guy can walk up to your face to face instead of having to tap you on the back.
If you're in a bar, sit at the bar. This is the place that everyone will visit at least once giving you more opportunities to meet someone.
In a coffee shop, sit facing the door and glance up at each person as they come in.
In the street, stroll and be aware of the people around you. Don't be afraid to say hello to the person next to you on the shuttle or while waiting in an elevator.
Is there a seat open next to you or does he have to ask you to move your coat and purse? As such, sit in the middle of an empty church pew or one of two open bar stools.
When you leave some space, you somehow communicate that you are willing to talk to people and you are open to companionship. Sitting at the farthest tucked away corner gives the impression that you are not inviting an approach.
Wherever you are, own your space. Do not give any impression of discomfort: downcast eyes, self-hugging. Be in the present, be at ease and keep your chin up. There is nothing more attractive than a woman who owns her space and is comfortable in her skin.
Also, have fun and be genuinely happy. This automatically makes you more attractive to men. No man wants to be around a woman who is bored or agitated.
What does your body language communicate? Body language is an essential element that shapes the way a man sees you.
Are your hands relaxed or clenched? Tense hands express that you are an unhappy, stubborn person. Exposed wrists and open palms, on the other hand, project a more welcoming aura.
A beautiful posture is one of the things that will fascinate a man. A quality man will have nothing to do with a woman who slouches. He considers her lazy, and this is a real turn off. When you are walking, ensure your stride is relaxed. This gives you presence and charisma.
While at it, do not forget eye contact and your beautiful smile. A study by the University of Missouri indicated that a woman sitting in a bar was approached by guys 20% of the time when she made eye contact with them. However, when she paired eye contact with her smile, she increased the success rate by 60%.
Does this come as a surprise? A study by the University of Texas at Austin revealed that kindness was one of the most desired traits in a partner by men. Apparently, men associate kindness with interest in a long-term relationship and empathy in rearing children.
Small gestures that show your affection rank big with a man: Helping others, taking care of things, letting the other person order first, being polite to the server: all these tap into your nurturing element that shows him that you are a truly decent person.
A positive attitude
Research shows that positive personality traits impact perceptions of physical attractiveness.
Experts say that men are attracted to pleasant, positive and cheerful personalities in women. Guys associate these positive personality traits with not only physical attraction but also, a higher social attraction which is a major factor when a man is choosing a life partner.
Your vibe can take you from simply looking hot to being irresistible to men. Complaining, arguing, criticizing, ridiculing, bullying, condescending others: all these make you unattractive and repel men. Ultimately a man will judge you based on how he is likely to feel when he is with you. Female happiness is an aphrodisiac to men.
When you have his attention…
When you have caught the attention of your guy, let him make the next move.
There is nothing that thrills a man than chasing and getting a woman. So you must make it possible for him to chase you: Do not be easy and do not be impossible, either.
Any time you say no to something, give him enough hints to show him that you like him. However, do not string him along for too long; otherwise, he will lose interest.
Always ensure that the guy has a good time when he is with you. If time with you feels good, he will come back for more. If it is fun and exciting, you will become the most important person in his life.
Thanks for reading this guide on how to attract a guy. You can contact me here if you have any questions or comments.
While many women say that they want a confident man, no woman wants a loud, brash and arrogant man. They want a guy who can give them undivided attention and one with whom they can have an intelligent conversation.
Women also want a man who can be emotionally available to them. Shy guys fit the bill because they are in tune with their emotions.
Shy guys make the most loyal partners because they do not have many interests. When they love someone they give her their all.
It would be a pity to miss out on a shy guy due to the difficulty of figuring him out because he will most likely treat you like the noble princess. Read on for signs that the shy guy likes you.
11 Signs a Shy Guy Likes You
1. He creates opportunities to be around you.
If a guy likes you, you will notice that he seems to be ‘around’ you a lot. A shy guy usually stays within his group of friends, so when he breaks out of his comfort zone and approaches you, the chances are that he likes you. It takes a lot of bravery for him to even come near you.
He will show up conveniently where you like spending your time. If you mention that you love skiing on Saturdays, he will suddenly start showing up on the slopes. He likes you, and he wishes you would make the first move.
2. The body language: Actions speak louder than words.
Shy guys tend to overdo when concealing their high interest level. They make every effort to appear uninterested in a woman since engaging a woman is terrifying. However, you will pick up on some subtle signs because body language does not lie.
3. He is nervous around you.
A good sign that a shy guy likes you is if he gets nervous around you. This is because when you like someone, your coordination and generally cool demeanor can temporarily abandon you. This is much more the case for the shy guy. Your presence will literally paralyze him if he likes you. Does he drop his phone, his keys, spill on himself, and lose his cool around you – Take note.
Does he touch up his hair, scratch his face, twirl his fingers or get fidgety whenever you come close to him? This is a definite sign that he likes you, but he is very self-conscious in your presence. So, he ends up being a bag of jitters around you.
4. Secret glances
Shy guys do not want to be caught looking at you because confrontation is not their forte. But, he cannot help admiring you from afar. You will find him staring at you from across the room, but he looks away the instant you look at him.
Experts say that it is not the level of his stare that indicates his attraction for you, but the frequency. So, if you catch him staring at you more than a few times, it is a dead giveaway that he is attracted to you.
Also, you might notice he will try to make eye contact with you immediately before he steps out of room, even when he is with his friends.
5. A light touch
People touch the people they like. While a shy guy will not muster the courage to touch you, he will engage in the form of touching called preening: Picking lint off your hair, straightening your jacket. Touching is a good indicator that he likes you.
6. He stutters when he is talking to you.
A shy guy wants to say all the right things. He will, therefore, have difficulties getting the words out if he really likes you. Or he will blank out in the middle of a sentence, and he is left tripping over words and making little sense.
7. He will copy your movements
Experts call it mirroring. Watch his gestures closely: even from across the room, he will unconsciously copy your actions. If you pick up your drink to have a sip, he will do the same; if you shift in your seat; he will too. Mirroring sends unconscious signs from a guy to a woman that he likes her.
8. Your presence silences him
When a shy guy is around you, he suddenly clams up. He will be talking animatedly to his friends, but the moment he sees you, he will suddenly go quiet. What a coincidence that his story gets finished every time you walk in?
The reason is that the guy either loses his train of thought or does not want you to hear what he thinks is a lame story and think he is lame too. He merely wants to impress you, so his brain gets ahead of him, and he forgets to talk.
9. He is extra friendly to you
A shy guy may not be big on romantic gestures, but he will do random little things for you. Does he offer things like gum, water or a donut? Does he save you a seat, offer to help you with your work or offer to drop your home? This is a massive step for a shy guy, and you should definitely take it as a sign that he likes you.
This is a vulnerable move for him considering that he is introverted, but he just cannot help it. Observe how he reacts to you when you need help. If he jumps in quickly to assist you, he is deeply attracted to you.
10. He talks to you online
A face to face conversation is daunting, especially when romantic feelings are involved. For this reason, a shy guy will find it a relief to communicate with you online or via the phone.
Behind the screen he will have full confidence since there is much less pressure to respond perfectly and on the spot.
The good news is that he is working up the confidence to talk to you and soon he will comfortably have a proper conversation with you.
11. He gets jealous when you talk to other guys.
If you want to know whether a shy guy likes you, pay attention to how he reacts when you talk to other guys. Seeing other guys talking to you ticks him off. He is terrified that you might fall for one of the guys before he has an opportunity to tell you how he feels. So, how does he react? He will either stare at the guys in envy, or he will be completely bummed out that he will leave the scene.
Introverted people suffer in silence when they are jealous. The fact that he displays his jealousy is a clear indication that he is attracted to you.
How to Respond to a Shy Guys Interest
When you find out that the shy guy is attracted to you, it is time to let him know that you are allowing him to get close to you. Let him know that it is safe for him to be in your company and to talk to you.
Engage him in a conversation whenever an opportunity arises and gently coax him out of his shell. You will be shocked to realize that he probably likes to talk but experience has taught him that people are not interested in what he has to say: he, therefore, prefers to be quiet.
Also, it is crucial that you make him feel that you are talking and spending time as friends. When he feels that there are no expectations, there will be no pressure, and he will, therefore, feel safe and open up.
Allow him to be the man: when he suggests going to a particular place, let him have his way. Chances are, this is where he is comfortable.
Do not sway him to go where many people are if he doesn’t want to. Forcing him to go to a club, for instance, is being inconsiderate of his feelings.
Be patient with your shy guy. At the end of the day, you will discover your diamond in the rough who is willing to listen and put your needs ahead of his own.
Thanks for reading this guide on signs a shy guy likes you & how to respond. If you want more information on how the male brain works then i highly recommend this short video. It's an insight only few women have on exactly what's going on in the male mind.
WHILE SOME MEN SAY THAT THEY cannot handle a strong woman, and go on and on about how an independent woman is intimidating, the successful man has discovered the secret.
An article in the HuffPost indicated that successful men have found that the most attractive and sexually desirable woman is not the brainless beauty, whose duty is to look good and stay quiet. Instead, a woman who is successful is more desirable.
Behold, the trophy wife is dead
The trophy wife is dying and in her place is the power couple. Don’t you just admire Amal and George Clooney and Priscilla Chan and Mark Zuckerberg?
According to anthropologist Dr. Stephene Juan, successful men who married younger women earned less money than their colleagues with similar age wives. Dr. Juan further says, ‘a powerful man wants a woman who is equal to him. A weak man wants someone who is docile and servant to him’.
According to Dr. Juan, for a man to want nothing but a trophy wife, that is a sign of insecurity. Sociologist Christine Whelan also indicates that brains are the new beauty.
Men are beginning to realize that there are benefits to marrying a successful woman:
They will no longer have to bear the burden of breadwinning alone since the women can bring their own share to the table.
They also do not have to make all the decisions. The new trophy wife is not afraid to question any decision that does not meet her threshold.
Together, they have the ability to build an empire.
High achieving women marry at the same rate as all other women; they just get married later in life.
A 2005 article in American Journal of Sociology reported that high status and powerful women are rated as more attractive than their counterparts. Also, women in positions of power are sexier to men as compared to the more subordinate women.
Research by Megan Sweeney, an assistant professor at the University of California, L.A, revealed that higher earning women marry at higher rates. Indeed a $10,000 per year increase in salary can translate to 7 percent increase in the likelihood that a woman will marry within the year.
According to the Current Population Survey, women with an advanced degree and those who earn in the top 10 percent of all female earners in their group, marry at the same rate as all other women, maybe just a little later.
Busting the myth
The belief that men are intimidated by successful women is just a myth. Research shows that more than half of women with graduate degrees have husbands without graduate degrees. Clearly, men who are not intimidated by a successful woman do exist. The successful modern man no longer settles just for beauty.
Bill Gates became the wealthiest man in the world before he got married. It is, however, said that it is Melinda who convinced him to spend billions on world health issues. Today the Bill and Belinda Gates Foundation is most successful in fighting malaria and AIDs in Africa with close to an endowment of $29 billion to solve global education and health issues. The touch of the right woman really does boost success.
Some of the values of a strong woman that men admire include:
She is independent
This woman has her own ambitions and interests. And she has more priorities outside of her relationship. A strong, busy woman understands when the man needs to work overtime, when he needs to retreat to his man cave or when he needs some time with the guys. She is not needy and does not need to always be by his side to entertain her or validate her. Her partner is always curious about her ideas and pursuits.
She is intelligent
Research shows that people date partners who are similarly ranked to them: attractiveness, humor, and intelligence. A successful man will, therefore, date an intelligent woman. Indeed, research shows that a man should marry a woman who is smarter than him. Lawrence Whalley, a professor emeritus from the University of Aberdeen found that a smart woman can protect a man from dementia later in life.
He advises men to marry smart women. The idea is, a smart woman will constantly challenge a guy intellectually, which will keep his mental faculties keener for a long time.
She is a good communicator
A successful woman has honed her communication skills. She is busy, and she has no time to play games. She thinks about what she wants to say, comes up with a strategy and then speaks to her man. She communicates calmly and factually without being overly emotional.
She lets a man know that she is responsible and easy to sort things out with. He also respects that she does not drag uncomfortable situations out for days. The man will appreciate that she is logical and not confrontational. The relationship will thrive in this space.
A strong woman brings structure to a man’s life.
A strong woman is a good planner. She is goal oriented and has the ability to get things done. She will have daily, weekly and monthly goals for herself and the relationship. Indeed she is a successful manager and she is good at multi-tasking. Men have discovered that a strong woman can take their lives and accomplishments to the next level.
You do not have to dull your shine in order to attract a good man. All that good men want is what they have always wanted: a soft, feminine person who is kind and caring. And this does not make you weak. You can be soft and nurturing and still be smart, strong and successful.
The wonder woman
Men love to be needed. How will you keep your independence and still show your man that you need him? How will you balance your strength without making your guy feel unwanted? The key to this is learning what makes a successful relationship. Embrace your feminine nature and allow your man’s masculinity to shine.
Drop your guard and allow him to act in ways that he needs to in order to feel that he is contributing to your relationship as a man.
Let him pick the bill up on your dates
Let him offer you his jacket when it is cold
Let him pay for the groceries
For a strong woman, a successful relationship is a balancing act, and as many have done it before, you can do it too.
Thanks for reading my article and I hope I have gone someway to answering your question “Do Men Like Strong Women?” – The Type of Man Most Attracted to Strong Women.
You can get the insight scoop on attracting your dream guy by joining the newsletter, and you can contact me here
Note: This article is my opinion after purchasing and going through the program. To write it I have read and listened to the program, as well as used my knowledge of other programs.
Note: This article contains sponsored links at no cost to you
WHY DO MEN STAY with women?
The general belief around men and relationships is that they don’t want commitment. All they really want is sex, and regular sex is how women can keep men in a relationship.
But is this really true?
Well the good news is that this question (and many others) is covered in detail in the ‘Why Men Pull Away’ program by Slade Shaw.
What is the Why Men Pull Away Program… in One Sentence?
The Why Men Pull Away program is a comprehensive guide to what is happening inside a man’s brain when it comes to commitment as well as the tools you need to communicate with him on a deeper level, to get the best out of him, make him happy, as well as move your relationship forward.
What’s the Why Men Pull Away (WMPA) program about… in a bit more detail?
Why Men Pull Away is mostly about commitment, and understanding what a man needs to commit. Along with what he doesn’t want, and some of the trials and tribulations that happen along the way in a typical relationship scenario.
It’s important to remember that men have been this way (pulling away from women in relationships) for tens of thousands of years. This is important for two reasons. One it’s natural. Two, trying to change men in one short lifetime isn’t going to work. So you need to work with it.
That element (the tens of thousands of years of male evolution) is what the book is based on. ‘The paleolithic principle’.
The dream girl factor is about putting yourself in his shoes and asking, ‘what does he want from me?’. This isn’t groundbreaking, but with the help of the author, you can start empathizing and understanding where he is coming from and why. And how, in your particular situation, to meet his needs.
The program covers in some detail, the stages of commitment and a relationship, as well as how to keep the relationship moving forward. There is also a section on the stages of him pulling away and coming back.
There is also an entire section on why he might pull away for the wrong reasons, and what you can do about it.
What can you expect, after going through the program
After going through this program, you can reasonably expect to be able to diagnose where your current (or past) relationships went wrong and how you can go about creating better relationships in the future.
You can also expect to be able to make better decisions regarding him in-the-moment, and understand the language he needs to hear from you.
If you have ever felt like your relationship was ‘stuck’, like many women do, then WMPA will tell you what’s happening in his brain that is stopping progress. You will also learn what you need to do to keep the relationship moving forward.
Who is this program for?
It’s for women who want or have a relationship with a man, and you are not sure how to handle when he starts to pull away.
There are bits and pieces for every stage of your relationship journey, single, dating to married with kids. But it’s mostly for dating and relationships.
Although the program is pictured on the website as books and CD's, it is only available as a digital download. To get a physical version, you would have to print and bind the text sections yourself.
What’s in the program?
Why men pull away – ebook and audio recording
Communication Secrets for a Long, Strong Relationship – audio recording and transcription .pdf
How to Reignite & Maintain Long-Term Attraction – audio recording and transcription .pdf
Interview with Scot McKay – Audio interview
Interview with James Bauer – Audio interview
My ‘Why Men Pull Away' Review | Part-by-Part
Introduction – Why You’re Here
This section is mostly build up of what you will learn in the rest of the program. It also talks about how you should read and listen to the program. No real content.
The Paleolithic Principle And The Dream Girl Factor
Without giving away the detail this section covers what the title says. It isn’t all information in though, there is also ‘the question system’ that is directed towards getting him to open up to you while avoiding putting him in a mood. The section rounds out with an explanation of what is covered.
What you’ll learn:
What the most attractive quality men find in women is (it’s not what you think)
What men really want from a relationship… It’s not what you think
The question formula you should use to get him to get him to open up to you when he is pulling away
How to make sure your timing with men is right, every time.
Part One – Making Your Man User-Friendly: Understanding The Male Mind Before You Do Anything Else
This section is the largest section of the program and is mostly about commitment. What it is for you and how he sees commitment. Including what makes a man propose to a woman… the fundamental reason.
Part one lays some of the groundwork down for what you need to do. It starts with a wide and broad section on what not to do with men.
Then it moves onto understanding how to know what you actually want and finding out the simple things that he wants out of his relationships.
This includes stuff like, how to let him know you're interested. How to get him to open up to you and tell you things that he hasn’t told anyone. And how to get him to want him to commit to you.
Why YOU being happy is the most important thing in your marriage/relationship or finding a relationship
What you’ll learn:
What does commitment mean to him and when it happens in his mind?
What to do If Your Man is pulling away right now and you need help?
Find Out What He Really Thinks: How To Talk To Him About Commitment, Closeness, And Your Future Together
How to know if Your Hopes For The Relationship Unreasonable or You’re On The Right Track
Navigating the 5 stages of commitment: how to get from “hello” to “we’re soulmates” in 5 easy steps
How to motivate a man to be an active participant in a relationship, rather than couch sitting, tv watching zombie
The questions to ask that will prompt him to share and open up emotionally in your relationship (this is a must-read if you want a long-term relationship!)
3 questions you can ask to get him to prove himself to you and why they work so well…
The 3 essential and universal needs of men and what happens when you don’t meet them
Part Two – How To Get Him To Focus On You By Giving Him What He Doesn’t Even Realize He Needs
Part two is about what makes a man fall in love. Most of it covers what most women miss and actually do to sabotage themselves.
This is good news because it means that if you have experienced or are experiencing the man in your life pull away, there is something you can do about it. It is not a lottery.
The first section talks about letting him know that it’s ok for him to fall in love with you. As a man, I can tell you that women can make it hard. As it says in the program, women have a much bigger center in their brains for communication than men do. So men can feel like ‘it’s not ok to talk to her about these things’ she will get angry, upset or try to talk me out of doing it.’ It sounds small but it is massive.
Does the man in your life feel like it’s ok to love you? Or does he feel as though it is mandatory? Or maybe he feels it isn’t ok to say or do it. If it’s the second or the third, then you probably feel like your relationship is you pulling him along with you. It shouldn’t feel like that and this is the reason why. The program goes into more details here. I think you’d want to read/listen to this section a few times if this resonates with you.
This section also talks about when a man pulls away… (which is normal). Instead of fighting it, getting emotional and doing things that you don’t usually do, or simply keep prompting him for an answer, the program shows you how to deal with it and come out the other side stronger.
What makes a man fall in love?
What to do if he knows you love him and he is still pulling away?
5 ways to talk to him about your relationship to keep things moving forward
One strategy for when he pulls away that will have him springing back to you more committed than before
When to have the different ‘commitment conversations’
Part Three – Things That Drive Men Away
Part three will be the meat of the entire program for most women. It covers what drives him away from your relationship, you and commitment in general.
It might also be a little confrontational. Slade pretty straight up with the advice here.
The good news is that the reasons behind everything are explained. I guess it’s no great surprise that nagging is mentioned here as a thing that drives men away. Men detest it. Well the reason why it doesn’t work for him is in this section. Why men’s brains don’t actually understand nagging and being nagged at, how they actually tune it out (and you thought his hearing needed to be checked) and how to make a slight change to your language to get what you want and ‘train him to listen’
Not all the information in this part here is groundbreaking, but it is solid.
Slade also talks about being a dreamgirl. I think this is a good idea, simply because it puts you in the right state of mind to deal with him. Thinking ‘what does he want?’ first. If you do this, and he puts you first, you can’t go wrong.
There’s also a section on ‘why men cheat’. It’s relatively simple compared to some other authors on a similar topic before. But it’s not all bad. Keeping it simple makes it easy to follow, and understand. Although some of the points you will most likely already know.
The reasons men are secretly afraid of committing to you (and start pulling away)
The one thing that pushes men away, more than anything else
Why he becomes so grumpy all of a sudden, and how to get him out of his cave when he does
How to get your point across that doesn’t push him away
Why men cheat and how to ‘other-woman-proof’ your relationship
How to deal with work addicts
What men are secretly afraid of (that makes them pull away from their relationship)
Part Four – How To Bring Him Closer
Part four is about keeping the relationship strong into the future. It’s more general in nature with some guidelines to follow. As per the other parts, there are examples, and everything is well explained. There aren’t any magic bullets here (which there aren’t anyway), so it’s a simple, guide to follow to keep your relationship strong into the future.
There isn’t a big bang type conclusion either. Just a few words summarising the program.
What Makes A Man Start Thinking About Forever?
How to get him to start thinking about the future
What to do when he acts distant and you’ve tried everything you can think of…
BONUS – How to Reignite & Maintain Long-Term Attraction Bonus Interview – With Amy Waterman and Marie Forleo
This 42-minute audio interview and 20-page transcription (in .pdf) on the topic of reigniting and maintaining long-term attraction.
The information comes thick and fast and some of the topics covered are, why having fun is so important in a relationship and how to do it, how to keep the physical attraction alive, and tips to maintaining long-term attraction.
As you can tell by the title, this interview is primarily for women in a long-term relationship.
BONUS – Communication Secrets for a Long, Strong Relationship – With Amy Waterman and Renee Piane
This is a one-hour audio interview (with accompanying 26 page .pdf transcription) around the topic of communication in a relationship. Renee is best known as the author of ‘love mechanics’ which is a system designed for men to help get them relationship ready.
The interview covers topics like, dealing with emotions, criticism in your relationship, how to accept the person that you are with and what to do when the relationship breaks down. This interview is aimed more for people in a committed relationship. It is also a little dated as the transcription is dated 2008.
BONUS – Interview with James Bauer
This 36-minute interview (.mp3 format) with dating and relationships coach James Bauer gets into some of the finer points of male relationship psychology. In particular, why men pull away, what makes men cheat, why men lose interest, why men lie, and what makes them fall out of love.
James is an expert in this area and this interview contains some great information about what’s happening in his brain during the relationship.
BONUS – Interview with Scot McKay
This 46-minute interview (.mp3 format) with Scot McKay, an expert in the dating and relationships space. Scot deals directly with his clients so his advice is real and to the point.
Scot answers questions put to him by surveyed women, in detail, and with a comprehensive understanding. At the very least, this audio will give you a different perspective on some situations you may be experiencing now, or experienced in the past.
PROS & CONS
The program gives plenty of direction, including exactly what you should do at times in the way of text messages, and what to say and do.
I think the greatest strength of this program is that it doesn’t simply tell you why you should be doing something, it gives you the reasons why so you can understand why yourself.
And then you can start making the right decisions, and truly understand what he wants.
Many questions answered
Probably the greatest part of the program, I felt, was that it answered so many questions. How do you do this, why does that happen, what should you do when he does this etc.
There is something here for every situation you may find yourself in when your man pulls away (and also general relationship stuff)
Not really any exercises
The reason why I write this as a con is that they can help you get some momentum. There’s one by my count.
Main points could be a little clearer
As I was going through the program, I felt like the information was coming thick and fast and not necessarily sticking. The main points weren’t as clear as they could have been. I needed to listen to the program and refer to the .pdf a few times for me to understand what is what.
Some of the bonuses I felt weren’t as strong as they could be. Some of the advice was very general, broad and cliche. There wasn’t much new information in my opinion as there perhaps could have been. The interview with James Bauer was good (although it felt a little like an advertorial), but the others I felt like a lot of it was simply an opinion on someone else's situation and could have been more helpful.
In Summary (My Opinion)
There is some solid information in this program. It’s put together in a language that is easy to understand and it’s mostly simple to follow.
There is plenty of theory, explanation and enough examples to help anyone with their relationship. You don’t need to have any background knowledge (in relationships, psychology, etc.) to get the maximum benefit out of this program.
Some of the parts covered are common sense, and some of them you may have learned at high school. Although you may have heard them before, they may help reassure you if you’ve heard different opinions on the same topic.
I don’t think there is any doubt that this program can really help, simply by going through it a couple of times. The reason why is there is a lot of things women do that sabotage their own efforts. This program highlights them, and lets you see what you can change.
Usually, it’s just the wording of how you talk to him or the actions that you take in a particular situation. No life changing, no need to rethink everything, just a few small things.